[totallyconfused]

.....some may say its wierd, others might agree but its oh so confusing... can you love more than one woman at a time

[Catherine2]

hi...
I voted maybe because I believe you can love 'em at the same time, but one of them you will be "in love" with...big difference, I think

jmo

Catherine

[Shangrala]

Maybe was my vote.

I agree. Because of the fact that love itself is included in various kinds of relationship levels, it is very probable to love more than one person.

However, IN LOVE is another love entirely. That is a unity of the spirit and soul of two persons. And once that has love has been obtained, there is no need for another.
Meanwhile, loving others is very possible and more than likely to continue throughout.

For example, even though my marriage has failed, and I'm moving on, that doesn't mean I don't love my ex anymore. In fact, just the contrary. I will always love him, as I will always love anyone who I have shared my heart with. That is something which cannot be taken back.

Shangrala

[spiritual_emergency]

Many men love more than one woman at the same time. For example, a man might love his mother, sister, wife, and daughter -- all female -- but the type of love he feels for each of them is radically different. What you seem to be referring to is love of the romantic variety.

People can romantically love more than one person at one time but the odds of them doing so successfully seem to be quite slim. Given your stated confusion, my guess is that you're already in a committed partnership with someone you deeply care for but you find yourself attracted to and caring deeply for another woman.

People who have multiple romantic partnerships are typically referred to as cheaters/adulterers or more rarely, polyamorists. The critical difference seems to be whether or not the two women you are in love with are both aware that you are emotionally/possibly sexually intimate with another woman and are accepting of that arrangement. If they are, you're probably a polyamorist; if they're not, you're probably a monogamist who would be considered a cheater/adulterer by most standards within this culture.

I've observed that in some men their ideal woman is split (i.e. madonna/*****) and thus, so is their romantic attraction to women. You might find it helpful to read up a bit on anima projection. In nearly all cases, unless you are in an established polyamorous relationship with both women, an affair will nearly always have disastrous results. For that reason, it may be helpful to seek out a therapist who can help you sort out your feelings of tangled attraction, emotion and conflict before you go any further.

.

[Pomegranate]

You can be in lust with many people, you can love many people, but you can only be in an exclusive relationship, say marriage, by choice.

[lynn P.]

Yes there are some men who claim they can love 2 or more women in a sexual love way and these men are either:
1. men who cheat
2. men who are in consensual polyamorist relationships .
3. men who are in a consensual polygamist relationships.
Since I'm a believer in monogamous relationships I wouldn't support any of these profiles. Unfortunately at the moment I am not by choice in classification #3. With # 2 & 3 all partners need to be supportive and aggreeable to the arrangement.
At the moment I am very bitter and sometimes wonder if true monogomy is possible for men. I know there must be some good guys out there, so this comment isn't directed at you. I wonder if there are any men who truly long for a woman whose faithful and willing to do the same. At the moment I feel very disillusioned and hurt by the whole concept of relationships.

[SeptemberMorn]

To Love someone takes action; it is giving rather than taking, it is a commmittment. It is not based on feelings. "What does this person require from me to feel loved and to be happy?"

Carnal love or sexual love is taking and demanding rather than giving. "What can this person do for me? What can I get from them? How does this person make me feel?"

[leahcim]

I voted no for the same reason CATHERINE2 voted maybe. I think you will be "in love" with only one. I think I'm including some of my own experience as well.

If there was more than one woman involved at any time, I was only "in love" with one.

[jerrymichele]

I have known people who have been threw this. The man who had two women, and a woman who had two men. Each partner hated the other partner. Nothing surprising.I asked them if they loved both partners, and they told me that they did. So, I guess that you can do it, but if you do do this be prepared for tons of drama. What was interesting about both these two different situations is the fact that I asked them both, "If one of your partners wanted to be in a relationship with another partner, how would you feel about this", they both told me they will not share.

[totallyconfused]

That was oh so enlighting...

[Shangrala]

Originally Posted by jerrymichele

I have known people who have been threw this. The man who had two women, and a woman who had two men. Each partner hated the other partner. Nothing surprising.I asked them if they loved both partners, and they told me that they did. So, I guess that you can do it, but if you do do this be prepared for tons of drama. What was interesting about both these two different situations is the fact that I asked them both, "If one of your partners wanted to be in a relationship with another partner, how would you feel about this", they both told me they will not share.

Interesting.
But, to be sure I got this straight.....
Both the male and the female, who each had two partners, would not allow either of their two partners to have a new partner of their own?...Right?
Yet, that male and the female both thought it fine to have two of their own....Drama much?

I wonder if maybe their's would be more involving the 'open relationship' practice, as it sure sounds more along the line of something based upon the physical need.
Then again, perhaps not, as you've stated that their's is involving the relationship unitement.
Lol...don't mind me....I'm merely thinking in text here....(so out of the norm for me...lols).

Shangrala

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by Shangrala

Interesting.
But, to be sure I got this straight.....
Both the male and the female, who each had two partners, would not allow either of their two partners to have a new partner of their own?...Right?
Yet, that male and the female both thought it fine to have two of their own....Drama much?

I wonder if maybe their's would be more involving the 'open relationship' practice, as it sure sounds more along the line of something based upon the physical need.
Then again, perhaps not, as you've stated that their's is involving the relationship unitement.
Lol...don't mind me....I'm merely thinking in text here....(so out of the norm for me...lols).

Shangrala

Yes Shang you have it right. The man is married with 2 kids,then he has his mistress, and the 2 woman know about each other. They also hate one another. He spends 1 half of the week with 1 woman, and the other half with the other. I never knew the wife, but I knew the mistress. I use to work with them. I never got into much discussion with the mistress because she would let everyone know that he was off with his wife, and blame the wife. I did see the wife come up there a few times, but I never knew her. I'm not going to get into graphic detail, but I'll just put it this way, he told me he doesn't share. I asked him if he loved both of them, and he said yes. I then asked him if he would ever leave his wife for the mistress, and he said no. He just said that he wasn't going to break up with either 1 of them. They would need to break it off with him. I remember 1 day the wife put a hickey on his neck, and the mistress seen it. The whole entire work staff heard about it. I use to make fun of him because he would always complain about not ever having any money. Those 2 women made sure they both got their share on his pay check. lol
Now the woman I know with the relationship with the 2 men, she wasn't married to either 1 of them, but she was with them for a long period of time.She told me that she loved both of them, but she also would not share. I think that the 2 men were friends at 1 point. The 1 guy was very passive with the woman, and the other man wasn't. If she spent time with the passive man the aggressive man would go out looking for her. The 2 men would end up getting into fist fights over her.Actually this situation with the woman was really dangerous even for the woman. I was with her 1 day and she had been with the passive man the whole week. We stopped over to see the aggressive man, and he was pissed. He scared the living crap out of me, because he was screaming at her to get out of the car, and she didn't. After that he started hitting the cat window. I was telling her to come on les get out of here. After about 2 minutes with him banging on the window we finally left. Personally I really can't figure out why people do this. To much drama for my blood

[lynn P.]

I forgot to mention that although I'm still living with my husband for financial reasons, we are not together physically at all - we live like roomates ever since he may that decision to marry (in a religous sense) another woman. He is muslim by the way and the religion permits multiple marriages although not many practice it. I hate my situation more and more.

[spiritual_emergency]

jerrymichele: I use to make fun of him because he would always complain about not ever having any money. Those 2 women made sure they both got their share on his pay check. lol

There used to be a show on television about a Mormon man who had four wives. I'm not sure if it's still running and I only caught one show but my initial impression was, "How on earth could anyone afford it?" Traditionally, polygamy seems to create an inordinate power balance in the marriage union with the multiple wives bearing the brunt of the burden. Financial limitations are but one reason why multiple partnerings don't tend to go very well.

lynn P.: we live like roomates ever since he may that decision to marry (in a religous sense) another woman. He is muslim by the way and the religion permits multiple marriages although not many practice it. I hate my situation more and more.

I think most of us here would find that situation to be deeply distressing and conflicting. It was interesting as well to read jerrymichelle's account about the two people involved in multiple partnerships who noted they would be jealous or angry if one of their partners entered into another romantic relationship.

Compersion -- the idea that we're capable of taking pleasure in our partner's pleasure even if it does not benefit us directly -- is a concept that's often presented in opposition to jealousy but it seems to be very rare on this plane of reality. Perhaps it's more achievable in environments where we are not dependent upon another emotionally, physically, sexually or financially. Living in a material world however seems to require accepting that materialism brings its rewards and its limitations. If we could all slip our bodies I'm sure some of this would be much easier.

~ Namaste

.

[spiritual_emergency]

jerrymichelle: "If one of your partners wanted to be in a relationship with another partner, how would you feel about this"

That's a good question for anyone considering "expanding" their relationship options -- would you want your partner to bring home another man/husband or woman/wife?

Polyamory can be an appealing option for people who are considering an affair but true polyamory requires that all partners have the capacity to take on other partners and that all parties of their own free will have consented to the arrangement(s). If the partner is unwilling and that sort of situation is forced upon them against their consent... it places that relationship in jeopardy, to say the least. Start adding in other factors such as children, in-laws, mortgages, finances, work, who's getting more time with who? The situation becomes overripe for plenty of drama and plenty of heartache.

Meantime, this link may also be appropriate to the original poster's question: How do affairs begin?

.

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by spiritual_emergency

jerrymichelle: "If one of your partners wanted to be in a relationship with another partner, how would you feel about this"

That's a good question for anyone considering "expanding" their relationship options -- would you want your partner to bring home another man/husband or woman/wife?

Polyamory can be an appealing option for people who are considering an affair but true polyamory requires that all partners have the capacity to take on other partners and that all parties of their own free will have consented to the arrangement(s). If the partner is unwilling and that sort of situation is forced upon them against their consent... it places that relationship in jeopardy, to say the least. Start adding in other factors such as children, in-laws, mortgages, finances, work, who's getting more time with who? The situation becomes overripe for plenty of drama and plenty of heartache.

Meantime, this link may also be appropriate to the original poster's question: How do affairs begin?

.

SE I could never be in an open relationship, and I could never let my bf have a relationship with me, and another woman at the same time. I do have some jealous issues about me, and I have trust issues with men. I keep an open mind with other people. What might be good for one person might not be good for me. If my bf would even ask me about this I would probably end the relationship with him. I have standards and boundaries, and my bf knows this, so he already knows on certain things in our relationship I will not tolerate. Then again we share the same values when it comes to relationships. We have our disagreements from time to time, but we try not to disrespect one another. What would you do if it was you?

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by totallyconfused

That was oh so enlighting...

Will you tell us what is enlightening?

[spiritual_emergency]

jerrymichelle: What would you do if it was you?

I assume you're asking me? I'm much like you. My personal preference is for monogamy and my partner knows as much. But if other grown adults wish to make different arrangements between themselves and other grown adults, and all those grown adults willingly and freely consent to those arrangements without any coercion, emotional extortion or other forms of imposed power and control... I think that's their business even though I would not choose the same for myself.

.

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by spiritual_emergency

jerrymichelle: What would you do if it was you?

I assume you're asking me? I'm much like you. My personal preference is for monogamy and my partner knows as much. But if other grown adults wish to make different arrangements between themselves and other grown adults, and all those grown adults willingly and freely consent to those arrangements without any coercion, emotional extortion or other forms of imposed power and control... I think that's their business even though I would not choose the same for myself.

.

Yes I was asking you. Sorry it's easier to type SE instead of spiritual emergency. I hope that you don't mind.

[spiritual_emergency]

jerrymichele: Sorry it's easier to type SE instead of spiritual emergency. I hope that you don't mind.

Not at all. The name became associated with me because of my first blog and now it appears to be firmly stuck. I have no objection whatsoever to others shortening it to SE or s_e. However, I sometimes laughingly note it's a darn good thing I didn't name that blog "Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder with Psychotic Features" because that would have been a really big mouthful and it doesn't shorten up as easily.

.

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by spiritual_emergency

jerrymichelle: Sorry it's easier to type SE instead of spiritual emergency. I hope that you don't mind.

Not at all. The name became associated with me because of my first blog and now it appears to be firmly stuck. I have no objection whatsoever to others shortening it to SE or s_e. However, I sometimes laughingly note it's a darn good thing I didn't name that blog "Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder with Psychotic Features" because that would have been a really big mouthful and it doesn't shorten up as easily.

.

That is pretty funny.

[50guy]

I voted yes, I think it is still genetic in most men. When we were first populating the planet, men had many wives. Religion has taught us to be monogamus, especially Christianity. That that that is a bad thing, it is just how it is. I am capable of loving, sexually, more than one woman, I just choose not to. I love my wife dearly and she would be crushed if I did anything like cheat. So, I squash the desire and move on.

Eric