in need of advice about mom and relationship I'm in

I'm seeing this guy, Will. He is a sweet heart. He cares about me very much and is willing to do just about anything for me. Don't get me wrong, he has flaws. He isn't perfect but he is a really good guy. But really who is perfect. He's never hit me. He's never made me feel like crap. He's willing to be there for me. He's willing to listen to me. He cares about me. He's never hit me. He's never said anything bad about me or to me. As I said he's not perfect but who is.
Well my mom doesn't like Will. She had ONE person tell her that they didn't like him. And all of a sudden he is the worst human being in the world. One person. Not 10 people but one. We all have our own opinions. And the person who told her doesn't like him because Will and the person who told her this had an arguement and had a difference of opinion. So basically this persons opinion isn't the most objective. My mom hasn't even met Will. Hasn't even had a conversation with him. She doen't even know what his thoughts are. She already knows she doesn't like him based on one persons opinion. I could list a hundred people who don't think very high of her. She told me that she doesn't like him but yet its my life. I told her I'm just getting to know him and dating him. Its not like we are going to get married tomorrow. I mean really we are just getting to know each other. I told her that I thought I should get to know him before I just automatically judge him.
She's always wanted me to do what she wants no matter if its what I want or not. If she doesn't get her way she throws a temper tantrum. Her and I don't get along. She likes to be happy no matter what. All my life I've done what she wanted even though it didn't make me happy or even though I didn't think it was right. She makes me feel bad about myself. She is always at the top of the list of people who are putting me down and picking me apart. She kind of likes me to be unhappy because as long as I'm unhappy and down one myself and single then I won't leave her. I won't go get married and have a life of my own. As long as I'm single and don't think high of myself then she's always got me to fall back on. My mom has always used me. I'm the daughter she loves when she's lonely or when she wants to go eat but has no one to go eat with. Thats when she loves me. Thats when she wants me.
So I guess I just want to know what your thoughts are. Do you think that its bad that I'm not jumping up and down to make her happy? Do you think I'm wrong for thinking I should get to know him better before I automatically judge him? If it were alot more people than just one person that didn't like him or they had a valid reason besides just a difference of opinion than I'd listen to her but its just one person. I mean how many people have at least one person who doesn't like them. I could name 5 people who don't like me. I could name 5 people who don't like my mom. Is it because I'm a bad person? No. Its just they don't like me. Its their opinion of me.

don't stop dating this guy because of your mom. it's important to make your own decisions about life and not get caught up in people pleasing behavior because it can make you unhappy and resentful in the long run.

No one is perfect, we all have our faults. Before I finished reading your post I had a preconceived idea that your mother was seeing something negative in this man that you are not, however if she’s never met him or had a conversation with him I don’t see how she can form an opinion.

It sounds very much like you need to put a little distance between yourself and your mother. (As a parent of adult children, this is very difficult for me to say). Someone that has that much of a negative impact on your life isn’t good.

If you’d like to keep your mother in your life, I’d say “mom, you and Will are both very important to me, I’d like you to get to know him. Let’s go for dinner.” After she meets him, if she’s still negative without a single reason, tell her you’re sorry that she feels that way about him, because you find him to be a wonderful human being.

Hey there. I can totally relate to this, so I thought I'd respond.

First off, I am really sorry for what you are going through. The thing is now that you've realized what the dynamics are between you and your mother, and sadly it's going to get worse when you break away - which is something you know you have to do.

As for how she feels about your boyfriend, she probably had her feelings about him prior to talking with her "friend", but now she feels she has validation for her complaints because this person doesn't like him.

The only thing you can do is stand up for yourself in some way. While you think you are by saying "you don't know him like I do, Mom" you know she's just tuning you out.

I know it sucks, but you have to find it in you to stand up and act. Otherwise she will just keep poking at you, making you feel guilty about anything and everything beyond your control, and blah blah blah. Things might get worse when you do this, but in the long run, it's your happiness now that counts.
I wish you the best.

PS - I know because I've been there. I moved away a long time ago and can't look back. It's too much.