[elise123]

hi all, my name is elise and this is my first post here. I came across and joined this site while searching for help on my jealousy issues. i have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. we have had major ups and downs but push through somehow. my problem which is consuming me, is that i am unbearably jealous of his ex girlfriend with whom he has a child with. i use to not be so jealous of her, but she is a nut. everytime me and him argue she gets involved and starts stuff. she has told me that he loves her and not me, that he cheats all the time, that he has called her wanting her back. keep in mind she only has done these things at times when no one was getting along. the list goes on. i cant stand her ways and i have no choice but to deal with her because of the child involved. i get filled with rage everytime i see her. im suppose to let the past go, but words really stick with me. i have this fear that everytime he is around her he is having feelings for her. he gets aggravated with her alot and just tells me he is tired of all the past fueds and that he is going to get along with her for the sake of his son. i understand and respect that. she acts like she has claim on him because they have a child together, she knows i have jealousy towards her and she does little things that i see. my issues are causing him and i to argue almost everytime she comes around, and he gets mad at me. he says he gets mad because its stupid for me to be like that, but i just dont trust her. i am 30 years old and this girl plays head games like most high school people do. this is the tip of the iceberg and i haven't gone into major detail here because it would take quite a while. i just cant feel this way anymore and when i talk to my man about it, it ends with him getting mad at me for acting like this, because, like i said, in his mind, its stupid......i just cant take these feelings anymore

[jerrymichele]

Hi welcome to PC. I'm sorry that your upset. I think that it's good that your bf tries to get along with his ex. He doesn't need to like her, but for his child sake he needs to get along with her. I would also say that you and the ex have issues with each other. If you don't want you and your bf to argue over this, the best thing to do is ignore her. The ex is doing this because she knows that this will get to you, and your feeding into it. His ex is probably thinking in her mind that she keeps on starting trouble than sooner or later the two of you will break up, and she will get another chance. Does your bf hang with her? If he's not then you probably have nothing to worry about. If you can't trust him then maybe he's not the one for you.

[marjan]

agree with jerrymichele....besides, I want to add something...if next time, she said that he loves her not you....then your respond should be..."wow...then why he's with me while he has a child with you! If he really wants you, he will find a way to have you back rather than you being a single mother"....
I'm so jealous in the relationship too and that's the worse thing ever....but I found out my jealousy is valid most of the time, because the guy is not doing it right....I think if such a thing is bothering you this much, then you will have so much problem ahead of you....do you really want to stay in a relationship like this?
Is there anyway that you don't see her at all? you can discuss this with your boyfriend and tell him that it bothers you and besides you don't need to intract with her at all....He got to agree with that at least....

take care
Marjan

[lonelyinacrowd]

elsie, find a way to not be around her. when she is coming by for the child then run an errand, go somewhere, take a shower, anything but don't put yourself in a position where she can get to you. i learned this trick with my husband of 23ys. he has an 11 yr old son (yes, not mine) and there is a court order for visitations with his mother as my step-son came to us from foster care. he mostly drops son off/pu so i don't have to deal with it. it's hard enough as it is. my storey some other time. good luck