[aria83]

I'm not really sure where to post this because it has to do with relationships, but also anxiety and confused about where to go next in my life. Maybe it will get moved if this isn't the appropriate place for it. Anyway, here's what has been going on with me (advice / insight appreciated!)

I don't feel fulfilled in life. I'm confused about where to go next. One thing I know I really want is friends and meaningful relationships. I am part of a mental health outreach group in my city. I noticed that I have been spending a lot of my time there. And sometimes I feel like, it drags me down more than empowers or helps me. Mainly, it gives me something to do during the week. I feel close to some people, but not others. Sometimes I feel like I notice who is "cool" and popular" in the group and I feel like if I don't have specifically their attention then I am not good enough and I feel like a failure and loser. And usually I feel like I don't connect with them most..

I want to stand on my own two feet and feel good about myself. I just don't really know how. I just got some books about self esteem out from the library but I always blow off reading them. Maybe I should start. I think that by feeling good about myself, maybe then I will be able to form good friendships.

Back to the group I am in..I have a chance to get more involved with it, but I'm not really even sure I want to. yes, I want to have something to do with my days, but I don't know if I want to be sucked into something where I feel like I'm not getting the support I need. I feel like I need someone to understand me and be there to just support me, and sometimes I feel I don't get the understanding part.

There's also a woman, who I may be working more closely with. She will be helping me get out into the community more. I'm just confused on whether I really need this from her, or if I can do it on my own. I don't know if it sounds weird to be confused about something like that. It should probably be pretty simple. See I have social anxiety so it's sometimes hard for me to do things. It's just that this woman is kind of weird. I like her, but she talks a lot. Like I try to listen and it's like she doesn't even care that I am listening. And she teases me sometimes and says "I like teasing x" That makes me feel bad. I guess because I was emotionally abused for a long time and now I am sensitive to that kind of thing. It's really weird. Sometimes I feel close to her, and I think she is nice. Other times she seems really out there and I don't feel emotionally safe with her. She said she has been in the hospital like 14-15 times, but that's not really relevant I guess.

I just wish I felt better about myself. I think maybe I want to quit going to this group for a bit, but they tell me they think it's good for me, and that feels good, like, it feels like people want me included when they say that and that makes me feel good, so I don't know what I'm gonna do. Anyway, thanks for reading.

[jerrymichele]

You should tell the group leader how you feel, just like you told us. I also have anxiety. Have you thought about getting on medication for it? The meds really help with anxiety. I would also like to suggest that maybe you need one on one therapy. Keep posting, we will be here for you. Take Care.

[aria83]

Thanks Jerrymichele. When I wrote that I was in a very stressed upset state of mind. I feel better now and have since talked with my therapist and the group leader and person I talked about in my post. thanks again for the support.