[webgirl]

I am in love with my friend for six years. Several times he treated me badly. He left me and I was waiting and he was back.This time he had to leave to Europe for two years and he asked me what I was going to do and I said that I would wait for him. I asked him to write and he said he would write once a week. So he left and I was writing every day and he was writing once a week.

Then after half a year he was writing less and less and I was asking what happened, did he get another woman. So he sent me this email

Hi, this long distance is not going to work for two years. I don't want to
hurt you and I care about you so don't make this hard. I'll contact you if
whenever I am in the US. I am busy and you know I never write anyone much.
Hug

After that I cried a lot and kept asking "Did you get somebody, could you just tell me what happened" and he said that he worked a lot and that I shouldn't worry about him. What did he mean that I shouldn't worry about him, did he mean that he didn't have anybody? Is it a double talk? After that he never wrote to me again.

I kept writing every day and cried every day and yesterday I thought it was time to stop writing. How can I force myself to stop writing to him? I got used to write about my day etc, it was like talking to him, saying good night before I go to bed ..

If he doesn't want to be with me anymore, why did he say he would call when he's back? This is not fair to keep me waiting like that, just in case, to leave the door open..

Am I obsessed with him? This is not normal to love somebody for so long when somebody doesn't treat you very well.. How can I make myself to stop writing to him? Is there any method that would make me stop:

1. writing to him
2. thinking about him?

I cannot function normally anymore, I got physically sick and I cannot recover.

[sabby]

Hi webgirl and welcome to PC.

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Long distance romance is a very very difficult thing, even under the best of circumstances. I've been there, I know, but I won't go into detail about my situation at this time.

I don't think you are having an OCD issue here. This is an issue of needing an answer that you can't seem to get from him. It doesn't sound like he is being straight up with you, and whether he's not because he feels badly and really doesn't want to hurt you, or he's just playing a game with you, either way, it hurts.

Like you said, you are used to hanging on to him and writing him every single day. It's hard to let go sometimes, especially when you really don't understand why.

I think right now is the best time ever for you to do some soul searching about yourself. Why do you think you stick with someone who has treated you badly? Do you have low self esteem issues? Do you think that you couldn't get someone else in your life that would treat you better? What exactly is it about him that keeps you tied to him? Do you think that waiting for him for two years and putting your life on hold is really what you want to do? Working on yourself and finding out what makes you do the things you do and think the way you think will be a definite plus in moving on from this kind of situation.

Time itself is a healer in many ways. Taking care of YOU is so very important and will be a huge benefit in your life when it comes to meeting people who won't take advantage of us and recognizing when they do early enough that you can get out of the relationship before it gets too deep. You deserve to be happy. If this guy isn't making you happy, then drop him and find ways that you can make yourself happy.

From what you explain, it doesn't sound like he cares very much. It does sound like he knows how to use excuses. He knows you are steadfast, so there is no worry that if he felt like looking you up when he gets home, you would be there for him. I don't have a good gut feeling about that as I think he will continue to use you and possibly treat you badly again. You don't deserve that.

Take good care.....keep writing here for support. I wish you well!


sabby