[NLD1179]

I have been dating a young man off an on since Sept.of 2008. I am 29 and he is 36. I know I am stupid for giving him so many chances. However, I need help in understanding why he disappears on me. When we started dating in September 2008, things were great. Then all of a sudden in October he disappears with no explanation. Note: While we dated for that month we engaged in sexual activity. After I performed fellatio, I became ill, however I didn't think that it was from him. I came down with the worse sore throat of my life. So, when he disappeared I became more ill and went to the doctor and they just said because it was Winter Time, I had a very bad cold and told me to take cold medicine. My cold got worse and I developed a sinus infection, chest cold and my joints began to ache. I was convinced I had caught an STD from him since he disappeared with no explanation at all. I was very depressed for awhile thinking I had ruined my life by meeting him and engaging in sex with him. Well finally I decided that I would give him a call and ask him about his STD status, because I got sickk right after we engaged in oral sex. He told me that he was clean, so I asked him when was the last time he got tested, he told me last year. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I was sick for three months straight and no doctors could tell me what was wrong. My tests all came back negative. I did meet someone with in a month's time of him disappearing on me by the way. So when I did call him to ask about his STD status I was dating someone, but was using protection with him. Well the guy that disappeared on me, decides to continue contact with me and end up becoming friends again. Well I finally get to ask him why he disappeared. He explained that someone he used to date came back into the picture and they tried to work things out. I asked him why couldn't he be honest. He said he didn't know how to say anything me. Well to make a long story short my new relationship ended and the disappearing act guy's relationship ended and we began dating again for about a month. Well things were going great again and then the ex comes back and he calls me and tells me that they are going to try to work things out. So he left me again, but this time he told me why. He left me for the same girl. So I was heartbroken again, but felt like he was honest this time, so I moved on. A month later he comes back and asks if I hated him, I told him no and we began slowly dating again. Well things were even better,I got introduced to his family and well in two weeks we decide to engage in sexual activity, fellatio. I end up getting a sore throat again within two days. I had to go to the ER, because I had white stuff in the back of my throat and couldn't swallow. Doctor's said it was a throat infection. It was not an STD. So I asked the doctor why this happened each time during fellatio, and the doctor stated that he needed to wash before I performed that act and that it was bacteria from his genital area that was causing the throat infection. I was so relieved to know that was the issue all this time. So when disappearing guy calls me three days later, I tell him that I was in the ER because of a throat infection. He freaks out immediately and say I don't like this at all. Everytime we do oral sex, you get sick. Your immune system is weak. The wind blows and you get sick. We must not be compatible if you get sick all the time. So I was surprised that he wasn't more sensitive or compassionate. He was not willing to help me figure out what happened. All he says is he doesn't like this. I told him that I wasn't sure that it was from him and that I could have caught this from anyone, because its contagious. It was pretty much strep throat. He just said he didn't like it. So I asked him if he was going to act funny. He said no we are cool. Well the next day I text him to see how he was doing and he doesn't respond. Later that night I call his cell and his house phone and he does not respond. I never hear back from him. So I try to call him again the next day and he doesn't pick up his house phone or cell. I actually had a girlfriend call his house within 20 minutes of me calling and he actually picked up his phone. He has never called me back since Tuesday of this week. Why did he disappear on me? What did I do wrong? I was the one that got sick and I am pretty sure its from him. He has just completely cut me off? Should I try to call again of just leave it alone. I am so hurt that he disappeared and didn't even call to check and see how I was doing after I told him I got sick. What happened?

[AAAAA]

In my opinion what happened was you hooked up with a loser that used you. Why call him to give him the opportunity to hurt you again? He's showing you quite clearly that you're only there to fill in and that he has no concern for you or your welfare.

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by AAAAA

In my opinion what happened was you hooked up with a loser that used you.

AMEN!! - my exact thoughts.

[jerrymichele]

I agree with AAAAA but That throat infection should be a warning for you to use protection. I would have been freaking out after the first time.

[NLD1179]

Thanks for all of your comments! I really appreciate it. I have just decided to not call or send an email. I had a dream recently that we hugged. So I guess that was a good bye subconsciously. I am not a person to forgive usually when someone has done me wrong. I deserve so much better and I know it, but I believe I developed feelings for him and really thought he was sincere. I will take your advice and move on to somone better. Thanks for the support!

[AAAAA]

The infection thing sounds awful, but I worked in the medical field and it's much more common than you'd think with uncircumsized males. There is also the possibility that there may be allergy issues in play. So in a healthy relationship these medical issues can be dealt with.

I'm glad that you realize that you deserve to be treated better and have decided to move on! Good for you!

[NuckingFutz]

nasty man...cannot keep himself clean enough for you and refuses to even accept the possibility that he may have been responsible for sore throat...no concern for you, just the opposite! I hope your throat gets better and that his penis rots off! You deserve better!

[Rmdctc]

I am glad you decided to not talk or be with him anymore. He sounds like a total looser!

[NLD1179]

Originally Posted by AAAAA

The infection thing sounds awful, but I worked in the medical field and it's much more common than you'd think with uncircumsized males. There is also the possibility that there may be allergy issues in play. So in a healthy relationship these medical issues can be dealt with.

I'm glad that you realize that you deserve to be treated better and have decided to move on! Good for you!

He is actually circumsized. I have been doing my own research and thought it was thrush at first, but I took the antibiotic (Zithromax) and all of the white stuff has cleared away. I hope I am not allergic to semen, I haven't had any kids yet. I am actually scheduled to see an allergist on Thursday. Exactly, healthy meaningful relationships this issue could have been dealt with. I didn't think this would be such a big deal that he would disappear with no care at all. He acted as if I did something to him, when in reality its his bacteria that is irritating my throat. I have learned my lesson. I accepted him back three times and got disappointed each time. I actually wrote out how I was feeling in notepad for therapy, I want to send him an email so bad, but I know he is not worth any words. I am just ready to meet the love of my life. I do need to give myself space after this disappointment before I move on with anyone else. I will not let someone use me again for sure. Thanks for the tips. I may ask my allergist.

[NLD1179]

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

nasty man...cannot keep himself clean enough for you and refuses to even accept the possibility that he may have been responsible for sore throat...no concern for you, just the opposite! I hope your throat gets better and that his penis rots off! You deserve better!

Yes thats how I felt. Here I go thinking he is man enough for me to come to him and tell him that I have a sore throat again. I did not approach him in an accusatory tone at all. As soon as I told him that the doctor said I have a throat infection and that I couldn't swallow, he just freaked out and said the most immature thing. "Well we are not compatible because you get sick everytime we do anything". What an asshole, I allowed myself to get caught up with. I wish I could know what he was thinking though. It just hurts that i never heard anything back from him, when he said that he was not going to act funny. I got played again for the final time with him. He is probably sitting home relaxing with that EX again. I can't dwell anymore, but move on. You would think I could talk to him about any issue if he really cared. However, he has shown me his true color. Thank you so much...lol! You couldnt have said it any better. His penis needs to rot off! Thanks for the support

[NLD1179]

Originally Posted by Rmdctc

I am glad you decided to not talk or be with him anymore. He sounds like a total looser!

Yes this forum and good supportive friends have been telling me that he is not worth an email. Even though, I would like to know why he just disappeared without warning. It hurts after I forgave and accepted him back thinking things would be different since his ex and him keep arguing all the time and she goes off and disappears on him for a month or two. He is a LOSER! Thanks for your support.

[Jenn1fer82]

Originally Posted by NLD1179

I have been dating a young man off an on since Sept.of 2008. I am 29 and he is 36. I know I am stupid for giving him so many chances. However, I need help in understanding why he disappears on me. When we started dating in September 2008, things were great. Then all of a sudden in October he disappears with no explanation. Note: While we dated for that month we engaged in sexual activity. After I performed fellatio, I became ill, however I didn't think that it was from him. I came down with the worse sore throat of my life. So, when he disappeared I became more ill and went to the doctor and they just said because it was Winter Time, I had a very bad cold and told me to take cold medicine. My cold got worse and I developed a sinus infection, chest cold and my joints began to ache. I was convinced I had caught an STD from him since he disappeared with no explanation at all. I was very depressed for awhile thinking I had ruined my life by meeting him and engaging in sex with him. Well finally I decided that I would give him a call and ask him about his STD status, because I got sickk right after we engaged in oral sex. He told me that he was clean, so I asked him when was the last time he got tested, he told me last year. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I was sick for three months straight and no doctors could tell me what was wrong. My tests all came back negative. I did meet someone with in a month's time of him disappearing on me by the way. So when I did call him to ask about his STD status I was dating someone, but was using protection with him. Well the guy that disappeared on me, decides to continue contact with me and end up becoming friends again. Well I finally get to ask him why he disappeared. He explained that someone he used to date came back into the picture and they tried to work things out. I asked him why couldn't he be honest. He said he didn't know how to say anything me. Well to make a long story short my new relationship ended and the disappearing act guy's relationship ended and we began dating again for about a month. Well things were going great again and then the ex comes back and he calls me and tells me that they are going to try to work things out. So he left me again, but this time he told me why. He left me for the same girl. So I was heartbroken again, but felt like he was honest this time, so I moved on. A month later he comes back and asks if I hated him, I told him no and we began slowly dating again. Well things were even better,I got introduced to his family and well in two weeks we decide to engage in sexual activity, fellatio. I end up getting a sore throat again within two days. I had to go to the ER, because I had white stuff in the back of my throat and couldn't swallow. Doctor's said it was a throat infection. It was not an STD. So I asked the doctor why this happened each time during fellatio, and the doctor stated that he needed to wash before I performed that act and that it was bacteria from his genital area that was causing the throat infection. I was so relieved to know that was the issue all this time. So when disappearing guy calls me three days later, I tell him that I was in the ER because of a throat infection. He freaks out immediately and say I don't like this at all. Everytime we do oral sex, you get sick. Your immune system is weak. The wind blows and you get sick. We must not be compatible if you get sick all the time. So I was surprised that he wasn't more sensitive or compassionate. He was not willing to help me figure out what happened. All he says is he doesn't like this. I told him that I wasn't sure that it was from him and that I could have caught this from anyone, because its contagious. It was pretty much strep throat. He just said he didn't like it. So I asked him if he was going to act funny. He said no we are cool. Well the next day I text him to see how he was doing and he doesn't respond. Later that night I call his cell and his house phone and he does not respond. I never hear back from him. So I try to call him again the next day and he doesn't pick up his house phone or cell. I actually had a girlfriend call his house within 20 minutes of me calling and he actually picked up his phone. He has never called me back since Tuesday of this week. Why did he disappear on me? What did I do wrong? I was the one that got sick and I am pretty sure its from him. He has just completely cut me off? Should I try to call again of just leave it alone. I am so hurt that he disappeared and didn't even call to check and see how I was doing after I told him I got sick. What happened?

As hard as it may be but you simply have to walk away from a guy who is simply not that into you. He keeps you on the side as though youre his plan B when all else fails. You're available for him and he doesn't have to do any work to keep you around bc knows you'll be waiting to take him back. He simply doesn't respect you and you need to start respecting yourself so that you can move on without him. He's shown you over and over again that he's not here for you in the long run. Don't hold on to him to determine that you can change his mind that you're worth to keep. People can't control other people. Its heartwrenching to experience such a thing but for the sake of your future you need to move on from this type of guy he's toxic for you.

[NLD1179]

Originally Posted by Jenn1fer82

As hard as it may be but you simply have to walk away from a guy who is simply not that into you. He keeps you on the side as though youre his plan B when all else fails. You're available for him and he doesn't have to do any work to keep you around bc knows you'll be waiting to take him back. He simply doesn't respect you and you need to start respecting yourself so that you can move on without him. He's shown you over and over again that he's not here for you in the long run. Don't hold on to him to determine that you can change his mind that you're worth to keep. People can't control other people. Its heartwrenching to experience such a thing but for the sake of your future you need to move on from this type of guy he's toxic for you.

Thank you Jennifer, it so sad that I allowed him to disrespect myself. I really got comfortable, because I thought I knew him already. It was worth a shot than starting over with someone new and that maybe he changed. However, I know now that he is not good for me. Thank good advice.

[NLD1179]

Hey everyone how about he called me yesterday, but did not leave a message. I am trying to be strong, but do you think I should call him back? I can't believe it, a week and three days and he decides to call.

[NuckingFutz]

nooo! You are doing so well! Let him move on to his next victim. Why don't you do a self guided imagery where you create your own man. It will show u what you want and what u don't want and what is negotiable and what is a must...when meeting new men, remeber two things...do not negotiate with non negotiables and never love anyone who can't love you back.

[NLD1179]

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

nooo! You are doing so well! Let him move on to his next victim. Why don't you do a self guided imagery where you create your own man. It will show u what you want and what u don't want and what is negotiable and what is a must...when meeting new men, remeber two things...do not negotiate with non negotiables and never love anyone who can't love you back.

Thank You so much! I will do that a self guided imagery. Really good suggestion and Great advice.

[Shangrala]

This is just a random thought, but is it possible that he is using drugs from which you may be having a reaction to?

And...Bravo for remaining so strong. Let him find another victim. You deserve so much better.

Shangrala

[marjan]

Hi sweet heart,

I read all of your thread. I really think that you are one lucky girl that this guy walked away by himself.
He's a total waste of time. There are lots of these guys out there. He doesn't care about you. and I bet, he doesn't care about anybody else.
Imagine yourself if you get married to him and have kids from him. He won't care about any of you and the kids if you guys get sick.
I would be so pissed if the guy leaves me for another woman. It's just a turn off really. Don't let him to use you.
I've been with a guy on and off around 7 months. I know he's not for me and he doesn't care about me, but we get together here and there. I hate that. It's so difficult to stop the feelings when we are creating one already.
I really suggest you to not call him or email him. You won't get anywhere furture, rather than may be another sex and another sore thoart or in mean while you don't know if he's sleeping around or not, so he may have std by now too....do you want to catch his STD?
You are so young and you have lots of time. Ask god to have a kind and smart guy in your life.

take care of yourself
with love
Marjan

[NLD1179]

Originally Posted by Shangrala

This is just a random thought, but is it possible that he is using drugs from which you may be having a reaction to?

And...Bravo for remaining so strong. Let him find another victim. You deserve so much better.

Shangrala

Its funny you say that because I have been doing some research on sore throats after oral sex. It says that it could be that I am allergic to something he is eating or some medication that he may be taking. Also, that it could be thrush. Meaning he could have had a yeast infection causing my throat infection. I hope its not any of this. I have been tested for STDs, but I will be doing it again. Also, I will be getting a throat culture done next week to make sure. I will give an update. Thanks for the support. Its so hard especially when I thought we were actually starting to get somewhere. He freaks out over me being sick, when he is the culprit of it. How insenstive? That really hurts to think someone could be so heartless. Especially when I don't treat him that way. Thanks for the support and thought.

[NLD1179]

Originally Posted by marjan

Hi sweet heart,

I read all of your thread. I really think that you are one lucky girl that this guy walked away by himself.
He's a total waste of time. There are lots of these guys out there. He doesn't care about you. and I bet, he doesn't care about anybody else.
Imagine yourself if you get married to him and have kids from him. He won't care about any of you and the kids if you guys get sick.
I would be so pissed if the guy leaves me for another woman. It's just a turn off really. Don't let him to use you.
I've been with a guy on and off around 7 months. I know he's not for me and he doesn't care about me, but we get together here and there. I hate that. It's so difficult to stop the feelings when we are creating one already.
I really suggest you to not call him or email him. You won't get anywhere furture, rather than may be another sex and another sore thoart or in mean while you don't know if he's sleeping around or not, so he may have std by now too....do you want to catch his STD?
You are so young and you have lots of time. Ask god to have a kind and smart guy in your life.

take care of yourself
with love
Marjan

Thank You Marjan for the insight. Its really hard, because I think we would be great together. He has called me his best friend several times, yet he treats me like this. I just don't understand him. I have prayed to GOD that he send me the right man, however, I believe I need to be patient and stop back pedalling with this loser, but it so hard. Good point about if I were to get married to him and he up and leaves me for some other woman. I would be featured in "SNAPPED", just kidding..... But I would be highly disappointed in myself. I will stick to being strong and not calling him then. I just hope he doesn't call again. Thanks for your support and advice.

[NLD1179]

Ok PC Family here is the latest update:

He text me last night at 11:30p saying that he just wanted to talk to me, maybe one day please. I was about to call him, but I said no he will have to wait since he obviously didn't care enough to call me back when I was sick. I am thinking of returning his call today, but I am not sure. Its kind of like what could he possibly say to me and what if he tries to want to be strictly platonic friends. I am not sure I can be friends with him if he can't even stick by me if I am sick. Well we will see how the day goes, I have plans today so I may never call him back. Him calling and texting is making it hard for me to stay strong, but I will try to occupy my time and see how I feel later. I may not want to call him. This is tough. Thoughts?

[deliquesce]

block his number from your phone, move on and cut this loser out of your life. .

[Shangrala]

Block him. His loss. Your gain.

Shangrala

[Peppermint_Patty]

Hi NLD1179,

block his number from your phone, move on and cut this loser out of your life. .

You could also text him back with a big "F--- OFF!!!! Stop contacting me, A-- HOLE!!!!" message too, before blocking him for good.

I personally like the idea of texting him a nasty message before blocking him, but hey that's just me, lol.

Peppermint Patty

[NuckingFutz]

block his number if you can. Does this pattern seem familiar...he acts human until he feels secure with you, then he starts acting like a dirt bag. This behavior escalates until it becomes intolerable. When that doesn't work, he starts an argument and/or leaves?