[thunderbear]

My husband does not care how I feel. He continues to be so negative about anything I do or try to do. If I just clean the kitchen or dining room he'll come in and say "I see you half ***** tried to clean today" Or, just like the other day, his friend,Jamie, got kicked out of his mom's house so my husband puts on his myspace update "everyone needs a break. that one sunny day" and had his mood set as worried. Well I had just talked to him about my problems and I thought he was talking about me. No he was talking about his friend. I asked him about it and he said I don't do anything to deserve a break. My jaw dropped. I can' belive someone can claim to love their wife and then say things like that. Everyday he gripes and complains about me. If he's not doing that he's being short and pissy with me. I know it must be his negativity that is affcting my mood and anxiety. Nothing is ever good enough for him. I was telling him how depressed it made me to feel the way he makes me feel he said "You don't feel that way when your with your ghost hunting friends" I told him it's because they listened to me and he said "thats because they don't know you yet" So what does that mean? That I'm a bad person? What? I know I can be a b**ch sometimes and pissy but I also do alot of nice things for people. I have my days sure but I have more nice days than grumpy days. I don't want to be here but I don't want to leave. I know I can't take all of his crap anymore. It's affecting the way I see myself and other people. He is'nt even sexually attracted to me anymore. Used to, he could'nt keep his hands off of me but in the past few months he has'nt wanted do do anything but sleep in the bedroom at night. I have asked and asked him to change for years. But no he won't. I just told him he had to do something and he said "Honestly no one can make you happy I don't even think your son makes you happy" His attitude has nothing to do with me. I don't make him treat people like he does. He chooses to be that way. But in his mind there's nothing wrong with it. He's always right. He basically said his friend Jamie is better than me. Why? I don't know. But I think I have found the root of my problem. There's nothing wrong with me. He just stressses me out. Badly. I love him but I should'nt have to put up with this all the time. I could understand if he had a couple of bad days or hell even a bad week and was in a bad mood. But all the time?? A few years ago I asked him if he did'nt wan to get a divorce then we needed marriage counseling he flat out refused and got mad at me for even suggesting it. Because according to him there's nothing wrong with him, it's everyone else who has a problem. Back 7 years ago when I was running around partying and drinking and doing drugs, he asked me to change and I did. But he is always looking for something else I could be changing. The way I wear my hair (he don't want me to cut it) the way I dress when we go to the grocery (he wants me to look nicer I never do unless I want to) the way I clean, when I clean and what I clean. The list goes on and on and on. I just gave up trying to change anymore. What's the point? He'll just find something else wrong with me. I just don't know what to do anymore. If I leave he won't let me take my son with me. And I can't do that to my son. But if I stay I honestly think I'll lose my mind.

[Pomegranate]

I think you are right, he has the problem. Staying with someone who is that down on you all the time is not good for your self esteem or your mental health. If he refuses to go to marriage counseling with you, he's refusing to work on your marriage relationship to keep it alive, happy and growing. ALL RELATIONSHIPS TAKE WORK. If he doesn't want to take his responsibility for the relationship, then you don't really have a marriage. I'm sorry you have put up with this for so long, but it's good you are beginning to see what (who) the real problem is.