i like a boy

so here's to babbling on.

so if you dont know or havent seen my other post in this forum i had been dating this one guy nearly three years. in may we were engaged to be married sometime when he gets back from iraq (he left for deployment at beg. of august). i had found out some time ago that in the 3 months that he was out doing training before he deployed he met some other chick and had been cheating on me. the state of that relationship is up in the air as its hard to discuss things 15 min at a time with a few thousand miles between us.

skip to now. at my job this guy started working there around a month ago. right from the start i liked him, he was funny, smart and good looking to boot. a few weeks after meeting i work up the courage to ask him for his # (i think i like to take control, was going to ask ex fiance to marry me if he didnt beat me to it) so we could hang out some time, maybe be friends, get to know each other beyond work. its been a couple weeks, and we hang out together a few times a week. i really love spending time with him.

we've been taking things real slow, thats new for me but i like he. he has a personal choice to abstain from sex and that kind of thing. he knows the situation with the ex fiance and completely understands. we havent done much more than kiss. i dont really feel like im cheating even though i'm still technically with the ex, we're pretty much estranged.

this new guy, i dont know if its just lust, if its just from the ex fiance being gone, but im so thrown. it feels so different with him, in such a good way. i have had a typical way a relationship would run its course, but with this guy it hasnt been that way at all. i like talking to him, i like listening to him, i like when i make him happy. it actually makes me feel good to make him feel good and ive never had that before. i LOVE when he just holds me. i dont feel like he wants anything from me but my company. i also dont feel so needy, like i usually do in a relationship. i dont feel like i need to call him/text him/see him everyday, but if i did that would be awesome too.

i feel like he really truly cares about me. i love when he takes my head in his hands, looks into my eyes and just says something nice, or something i need to hear at the moment, or especially just to ask if im ok. and i dont know if its a trust thing, but when he says something like you look nice or you're cute, it makes me feel good and i can say 'you know what, thanks'

i could see this relationship progressing into something so much more. at this point right now id really rather be with him than the ex fiance. i really want this relationship to be something more, but i know it cant. at least not yet until ex comes back in a years time. until then i'm happy with just his company and taking things at the pace we are at.

idk, is it too soon to say if its love, lust, just something, or just a little more than friends? im so shocked at how much i like him, but either way things go im so happy that ive had the chance to meet him. i've never fallen like this, and just things have been so different than any other relationship that im just thinking maybe he's my one. is it too soon to start thinking all this? i can see dating for a while, meeting my parents, meeting his parents, living together, getting married one day, spending our lives together.

maybe im just loony. hate that love is so damn confusing. but it just feels so good.

He sounds like a wonderful guy. But you really need to be honest with your X, if you are not completely separated at this point, because it is unfair to him not to know that you are moving on.

Also, you have only known this guy for a month. Sometimes things can seem too good to be true, so while he appears shiny and new right now, he may dull with time, or show his true colours later on. If you really want to pursue this you need to be straight up with the fiance. Only that way will you be able to get to know this new beau on honest terms, and find out what your true feelings are for him. There is always a period at the beginning of a relationship where things just seem perfect. But it takes a long time to really see who a person is and how they are going to act in different situations. It's nice that he is physically affectionate, and it's good that he is willing to take things slow, even if that isn't what you are used to. That shows that he respects him self, and you.

Best of luck, have fun, but make sure it's honest fun!

i want to tell my x that ive been seeing someone. i dont see the repercusions in that. i believe in being totally and completely honest. ive got no reason to lie to anyone. even if i dont love him/like him or anything or still mad at him i've got no reason to lie. this new guy doesnt like the idea of that and thinks things would be complicated b/c of it. ex will be back in a few months for mid tour leave and im sure that type of thing will come up.

things certainly havent been picture perfect with him though. we've had a few fights already, but we've kissed and made up, forgive and forget. thats different too, cause with the ex for almost the first 6 months we didnt fight about anything ever, no disagreements anything. i think its good to have a few small tiffs.

i love the pace we're moving at. its just right. no regrets here. im trying not to think too much about the future, and just enjoy the present right now, but i feel like even if things dont work out for any kind of intimate relationship that i'll still have a great friend in the end.

anyway, thanks

Stargazerlily,

Hi! A couple of things kinda stood out for me as I read your posts. I haven't read your other post but from what I can tell, you and your fiance (ex-fiance?) have discussed the affair he had before deployment? Or you haven't? Anyway, since you were referring to him as your ex-fiance, I get the impression that you are not happy that he cheated on you and plan to end that relationship officially when you next see him?

Also, the new guy that you like so much, one of the things that I feel really impresses you about him is that you have spent a lot of time together simply becoming friends. No intimacy. You know that he likes you for YOU. That may be his personal policy but it also may be reinforced in his mind by the fact that there's a guy in Iraq who expects you to be waiting for him when he returns. And this new guy seems to not want to get into the middle of that until you officially deal with it when the ex returns from duty. That shows principals.

I know this sounds like the 18th century or something, but creating a solid friendship with someone before sex is sooooooooo underrated. Now, I'm older and I lived through the "love child, flower power and hippie" generation, and ya know what? We were full of crap! The best romantic relationships are formed on friendships. I learned that through trial and error.

And yes, my dear, no matter what happens you will have a great friend in the end.

IMO I would go for the new guy. Besides the fact that your ex cheated on you. I also think the new guy is falling for you. Tell your ex and go for the new one.

the ex fiance (mark) he knows that i know about his little affair. i found out about a week after he left the country for iraq. we have talked about things and he understands the state of our relationship is up in the air. im not sure just yet that i want to dump him. i dont know 100% how i'll feel until we can talk in person again. all i know right now is he'd be out of his mind to expect to be getting married any time soon, if at all.

As for the new guy, i know we could be great as just friends, but its hard for me to imagine just being friends. we havent had sex or anything, but we've kissed, he holds me, we've fallen asleep in each others arms, i couldnt see us any other way. i guess we'd deal with that if it comes to that. the only thing that really irks me about him is that i like to text. i know i can text too much, but sometimes all i want is just a "yeah" or "ok" or just something to let me know you got it. i try not to text him if i can help it, but its not all that big of a deal. just feel ignored sometimes, and then i start to question how he really feels about me and i have to tell myself that he's said that he likes me, likes spending time with me. he's just busy. and i guess im not officially his gf anyway.

the new guy is great, and i hope he is falling for me, cause i've certainly fallen HARD for him. i wish boys werent so confusing

I think that this guy is really falling for you. A lot of guys aren't into the phone thing. If you want to wait for the other guy then you can do that to. I just wouldn't bring up the other guy up until you know for sure.

i can do without the texting, i dont really care about that, i just dont want to seem pathetic and annoying by texting non stop. the only thing that is bothering me now is he'll say he's going to come over and he never does, or doesnt call, or say whats going on. granted the other night i got really drunk, he came over and instead of being able to spend time together he had to baby sit me for 4 hours. but he's done this more than once, and even though im not his girlfriend its like he doesnt value me or my time.

How old is this guy if you don't mind me asking?

he's 20, im 21, the ex is 41

the first guy that i ever talked to ever that was younger than me, even if its only by a year

How did you meet the ex. There is a big age difference between the two of you. I also think the new guy is just young, so maybe that is the reason he's in and out. If something you want to know about what the new guy is doing just ask him. That's what I would do. At least if you do that than you know where the relationship stands. I also think that peeps your age have some fun with the drinking. I did anyways, and so did a lot of my friends.

the ex and i used to work together, i didnt know at first how old he was, but age never bothered me. i've been with guys before that had more years between us than that. i'm hoping this new guy will come over tonight, i really really really want to just sit and talk to him. the new guy though, he is straight edge, no drugs, alcohol, smokes or pretty much anything bad that i would see as fun. i on the other hand, i knew since i was a kid that i would be a smoker, and i knew i'd be a drunk. now that im turning 21 really scared for myself, but thats another forum

I was just say that your going threw a phase. The parting is very coomon around your age grop. Your dating guys older than me. lol

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. im so done with him. he did it again. he says one thing, he does another. he says he wants to see me then he never calls. i dont care anymore, im done. i deleted his number, and if i never hear from him again i dont care. if he's still interested he can put in some effort, and then MAYBE i'll try and give a damn again.

yeah maybe you should just leave him alone. What are you going to do with the ex?

well since then he has tried. he's been over a few times. we got into a huge blow up about it, but he was happy i was mad at him cause i was finally expressing some feelings toward him, even if they were negative. i still havent put his number back, but i dont care. he still needs to put forth some effort.

but then again it seems as fast as it swooped down over me, its gone. im kinda over it. some stuff happened with him, and while i had my doubts about us ever having a real relationship i almost feel confident in saying that it will never be more than friends. which is ok too, i guess, i dont have much friends anyway.

and the ex, i dunno. we're still kinda floating as he is deployed, and he wont be back home until next year. i dont know. i dont feel like i can ever trust him again, and i dont want to get married at all any time soon, so i dont know. and as much as i hate it, cause usually when theres issues i like to resolve them and have it over and done with, i'll have to sit and wait and see how things go and just wait for him to come back.

idk
just idk

kinda tired of it all, i like my girl friends better now, which is also strange cause i've never really found it easy to make friends with girls.