[Donna_N]

So Gina (now ex-girlfriend we dated for over a year) called yesterday afternoon, this was the first time we have spoken sense we broke up. It was clear from the start that she wasn’t calling to apologize for our breakup, and ask me to get back together. Now to be clear she dumped me, not the other way around, well dumped is a rather harsh terms, maybe it’s better to just say we broke up it was her idea, and I didn’t protest that much, sort of saw it coming, this was after all our third breakup but this time things were much calmer and when I got out of her car I had a very strong sense that it would be out last breakup.

She hinted that she might be willing to meet me “half way” I had to tell her that it wasn’t something I could do, she responded coldly that “I knew you would say that” and the call ended shortly after that.

People talk a lot about closure, well I’m not sure of the exact psychological terms but I think that was what this call was about. Closure for her, and finality for me, I was fairly certain that our relationship was over before she called, and I was absolutely sure afterwords.

Things aren’t all bad, we managed to have a conversation with neither of us getting angry or crying. I don’t know about how she feels, but at some point in the future maybe we could be friends, not good friends but people who act friendly to each other. We know a lot of the same people, so I hope I get to the point were bumping into her at a party or something wouldn’t be awkward or uncomfortable.

I’m not at that place now, I’m not even to a place where I could bring myself to go to a party at this point in time. I’m assuming that I will not be afraid to go out forever, and when I do I also assume that bumping into her my first few nights out wouldn’t be a for the best. Not like I would run away, but I’m sure part of me would want to.

Actually looking forward to going to class tomorrow, hundreds of people all around me, and none of them telling me that things will get better, their only concern with me is not bumping into me as we all make our separate ways to our separate destinations.

[kjetterman]

[Lenny]

Hi Donna...

I just wanted to comment on your mature reactions to this obviously painfull ending...

Anger is often the fear response to emotional change,,,especially abrupt ones...

Whether she realizes it now and maybe someday...she has closed a door to a wonderfull room...

Lenny

[VickiesPath]

Originally Posted by Donna_N

So Gina (now ex-girlfriend we dated for over a year) called yesterday afternoon, this was the first time we have spoken sense we broke up. It was clear from the start that she wasn’t calling to apologize for our breakup, and ask me to get back together. Now to be clear she dumped me, not the other way around, well dumped is a rather harsh terms, maybe it’s better to just say we broke up it was her idea, and I didn’t protest that much, sort of saw it coming, this was after all our third breakup but this time things were much calmer and when I got out of her car I had a very strong sense that it would be out last breakup.

She hinted that she might be willing to meet me “half way” I had to tell her that it wasn’t something I could do, she responded coldly that “I knew you would say that” and the call ended shortly after that.

People talk a lot about closure, well I’m not sure of the exact psychological terms but I think that was what this call was about. Closure for her, and finality for me, I was fairly certain that our relationship was over before she called, and I was absolutely sure afterwords.

Things aren’t all bad, we managed to have a conversation with neither of us getting angry or crying. I don’t know about how she feels, but at some point in the future maybe we could be friends, not good friends but people who act friendly to each other. We know a lot of the same people, so I hope I get to the point were bumping into her at a party or something wouldn’t be awkward or uncomfortable.

I’m not at that place now, I’m not even to a place where I could bring myself to go to a party at this point in time. I’m assuming that I will not be afraid to go out forever, and when I do I also assume that bumping into her my first few nights out wouldn’t be a for the best. Not like I would run away, but I’m sure part of me would want to.

Actually looking forward to going to class tomorrow, hundreds of people all around me, and none of them telling me that things will get better, their only concern with me is not bumping into me as we all make our separate ways to our separate destinations.

Am so sorry for your lost relationship. You have handled this about as well as anyone I have met.

One thing that occurred to me. Probably the first time you see her obviously "with" someone new, it might kinda hit you a little in the stomach. That's to be expected. I've been there with ex's. In a way, that only adds finality to it.

Give yourself time to grieve. You are doing well. Be gentle with yourself.