found something out

So I found out that this guy I've been going on dates with has a pretty violent past. Even put someone in the hospital and ended up in juvie for it and payed restitution. He still fights ppl sometimes. He even still fight with his brother. He is now 28 years old. When he is around me he seems so gentle but now I'm a little nervous. I have an 8 year old son that is with me all the time. I'm not sure now what to do. I think he is a nice man and has been helping me with odds and ends. After I found out he said he doesn't feel violent when he's around me. But he sometimes says things like I want to break down his door and break his legs. Is this someone I really need to be involved with. He was open about what happened. I'm not sure what I want to do he said if I never wanted to see him again he would understand

He'll be very nice to you until you're in love with him -- until you're "hooked." Then one day, completely out of the blue, he will verbally attack you over nothing at all. You will be blown away. But you will be in love now, so you will rationalize. Then he'll do it again, and again, you'll explain it away. He might even be mean to your child, but you're in love with him, so you will explain it away, even to your child.

Then there will come a day when you know -- you know! -- you weren't at fault and you'll say so. But he will convince you that, yes, it was your fault. You will begin to like yourself less -- and maybe you didn't like yourself much in the first place. Maybe that afternoon, you will say something harmless like, "I think the Blue Bunny ice cream is cheaper," and he will shove you right there in the grocery store aisle, with your child watching -- and learning. You will explain it away.

One day you will wake up in the hospital. You will be finished with him. But someone else will be posting on a website. "I really like this guy," they'll say, "But I heard he just put someone in the hospital..."

Listen to Seabirdanne. DUMP HIM!!!

He told me it was in high school and he had put it all behind him. But then someone told another person that did not know and he got mad and said he wanted to break down this exfriends door and break his legs. Then he told me he just wanted to forget about it not think about what happened ever again. That he had made mends with it and even asked forgiveness from the one he put in hospital(10 yrs ago). He also said that he never has violent thoughts when he is around me. It scares me a little to know of this. But can ppl change. Yet he got so mad about the exfriend telling someone. And that wasn't 10 years ago. That was yesterday.

((((((bridgie)))))) Please listen to the above posters, not only for your sake but the sake of your precious son.

Hugs and Strength for you, hun

Those kind of guys are always nice in the beginning- thats how they get women. Learn from his past and don't make it YOUR future. Listen to the above posters.

Right now he is saying the guy he put in the hospital has forgiven him and that he has some ppl helping him with his temper. And he said he would never hurt a woman or a child. Do you think he cld be telling the truth he wouldn't hurt a woman or children. He said he's paid his time and is still paying for it and that he has changed. I know its going to be my decision. But I don't know what to do.

As Dr Phil would say, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

Run away.

((((((bridgie)))))) ...Please don't take this the wrong way, hun, but here's how I would look at it. If things do turn violent, it's not just you who will suffer, hun, but your beautiful son also. Do you really think that is worth the risk?

I'm really sorry if this has offended you, it's not meant to. It's just you're obviously confused about what to do. Just trying to help, hun, sorry.

He told me he is going back to anger management to try to get things together so he dsnt lose me. I told him he has to do that for himself. I think I know what I need to do. I can't take any chances

Bridge, look up the word psychopath. Read the symptoms. He is already justifying his past bad behavior and you are excusing it. People like this do not change there stripes. Run! Do not look back!

Thank you all for your posts I know what I need to do now. End it. I hope he just let's it go.

oh wow...sounds like my ex. he was mr perfect when i met him and then i feel in love and moved in with him and his mom...wow big mistake. he was very very crazy!! no one knew he was like he was but his family. he woulnt let me talk to my family or friends i couldnt have a job or anything i had to sit at the house all day! i will say he never hit me but he would push me throw me on the ground choke me and break my things. the bad thing was he treated his mom the same way but they did nothing about it. i tried leaving one night and he took my phone keys and threw all my things outside....well then he gets a knife and cuts his self and wipes his blood on me!! he also told me if i ever left and he found me he was gonna kill me and my family...well one day i got up the nerve to leave and i got a restraining order. i made sure to tell his friends i got it so he knew if he came near me he was going to jail and i havent seen him since...my only advice to you is GET OUT NOW PLEASE not only for you but for your kid

He said it was a long time ago and its not happened since and he learnes from his mistakes. How do you really know if someone is telling the truth or if its a ploy. I wish I knew. I haven't seen him be mean to anyone else either. Do you think his family wld say if he would hurt me and my boy.

Why not ask his family and friends. I was in an abusive relationship before, and it is so hard to leave when you want to leave. Also, you can go by what he tells you with what type of enviorment he was raised in. Let me just say this also. A abuser will try to protray everything is good in the beginning, than they will change in a heart beat. If this guy has a history of abuse he just not going to stop. He needs to be treated for it. This is your decision. If he is already telling you of the problems he has had with it, than this should be a BIG RED FLAG to you. It's to bad that you don't know an ex, because they would really be able to tell you if he is violent with women or not. Personally after the abuse I went threw I'll never get back into that again. One more thing, if you have children than that is something that should make your decision for you. You really don't want a man to abuse you or your children. And you don't want your kids seeing a man beat the crap out of you either. That will scar them for life.

Thanks jerrymichele and september88 and everyone I don't want to get hurt or my son. I'm not going to get involved. You know how sometimes you get so lonely and that's where I'm at now. Plus I'm not the most stable person. I just want to find someone that will be good to me and my son.