[lismarie79]

Hi. Some of you may already know about my case. I have a homosexual younger sis who is having problems with her partner. Her partner is bi and had an ex-boyfriend with whom she did some sexuaal stuff in the past my sis cant get over. So now, the relationship is in trouble. What's more, my sis is a depressive. She has asked me for help, but I just dont know what to do or to tell her. I have never really had a serious relationship, but I do worry that this case will trigger her depression. Any help?

[SweetCrusader]

Hi there, lismarie79! Welcome to the forums!

I hope I don't sound too insensitive when I say that this is totally between your sister and her partner. You can be there for support of course, but there is pretty much nothing you can do to influence the stability (or lack of it) in your sister's relationship. And as hard as it is, sometimes we just have to watch the ones we love go through hard times in their lives (including their romantic relationships).

That said, I'm not sure I completely understand what your sister's issue is here...

If this is a jealous issue and if she doesn't trust her partner for some reason, that needs to be worked out between the two of them and they need to decide if they do have enough trust in each other to continue a relationship. Does she have a reason to doubt her partner? Have they talked about her feelings? etc

If she has a problem with the fact that her partner's ex is a man and not a woman (and thus maybe fears that her partner will want to go back to men instead of women?), then maybe your sis needs to be a little more secure in her relationship and open-minded and/or informed about bisexuality and realize that having had a sexual relationship with a man does not mean her partner is more into men than women or vice-versa. I think that for most bisexual individuals, it's more about the *person* than his or her gender. Just like with most heterosexual or homosexual individuals, falling in love is not based solely on the individuals gender, but many factors that make him or her attractive, desirable, and loveable. Know what I mean there?

The bottom line is that the past is the past, and your sister's partner has chosen to be with your sister in the present. It's no longer about this man in her past, it's about the woman she loves now.

You can be a support to your sister, as any sister would be. Buy her some chocolate ice cream and maybe hold her while she cries if need be. Give her a listening ear to turn to, but ultimately the best thing you can do for your sister is to encourage her to talk openly about her feelings with her partner.

Good luck to you and to her!

Angela

[roxxy]

with SweetCrusader. Couldn't have said it better!

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I think that for most bisexual individuals, it's more about the *person* than his or her gender. Just like with most heterosexual or homosexual individuals, falling in love is not based solely on the individuals gender, but many factors that make him or her attractive, desirable, and loveable. Know what I mean there?


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[LMo]

Are you sure her sexuality has anything to do with the problem? Anyone would be upset if their partner fooled around with their ex?

[SweetCrusader]

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Are you sure her sexuality has anything to do with the problem? Anyone would be upset if their partner fooled around with their ex?

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I'm not sure that's what she was talking about, which is why I said I wasn't sure what was going on and then said if it's jealousy, then ... or if it's an issue with her sexuality, then... I was just throwing out ideas. I didn't get the impression that the partner had *cheated*, but that she had sexual relations with this man "in the past" (as in, when she was involved with him?)

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Her partner is bi and had an ex-boyfriend with whom she did some sexuaal stuff in the past my sis cant get over.

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I see what you mean, though, LeAnn. Maybe "in the past" was during the sister's relationship with her partner? ??? Either way, I say it's still a trust issue and still hold to what I said above

Wanna fill us in on what's going on, lisamarie79???

[christopherm317]

Gay or straight a cheater is a cheater. Her preference has nothing to do with the discussion. Right? So she has problems with her mate. Yeah true it is none of your business. HOWEVER if she comes to you and asks you for advice then give it. No one should feel like they have to stay with a cheater. Be her friend give her your true opinion once and let her decide if she wants to take your advice. As to the Depression being with someone who is hurting her will not help her get over any serious problems she might have.

Well, my understanding is that your sis's partner didn't cheat but rather had a relationship with a man and it bothers your sis. Is your sis in therapy for her depression? What about meds? I think therapy can help her to get over her jealousy.

Ry