[AAAAA]

My husband just came home with roses and a card. I've been having an off week, but he's been having an off month.

His back injury has had a major flare up and he's been in a great deal of pain for over a month. He's been depressed because he thought yet again he'd hear "I'm sorry, but until it gets worse there's really nothing we can do but manage with pain meds." Unfortunately the silver lining to his cloud is his back is worse so he can have proceedures done to try postpone his pain (Dr. told us years ago this would be a lifelong battle).

We lost a beloved pet yesterday, but although my son purchased the pet and we all loved her, she chose my husband to be her human. I know he's greatly feeling her loss and the grief of our children. He dug her grave and buried her even though he can barely stand.

I share this with you now because I gave up on this man years ago. The petty problems we had at the time (hindsight is 20/20) that seemed so major and impossible to fix are now so insignificant. I gave up on him and our marriage completely. If it was not for his dedication and an accident of fate we would not be together now.

So if you're here because you absolutely think your marriage is over or in trouble, take a look at your spouse. Beyond those things that make you crazy and irritate you to the point you want to strangle him, and look at his character.

Money, jobs, and flirtations will come and go, the honeymoon stages come and go. But a person with good moral character -- that's worth fighting for.

[theotterone]

Thank you so much for sharing! I know I have mentioned it in other threads, but D and I are in Therapy together. (We have been together for 12 1/2 years, married 6 1/2). While I am not actively weighing leaving him or not, I am feeling like I have to leave that decision "open". I worry maybe our issues are too big to overcome. It gives me hope.

[jenkins09]

Nice post and so true.

[AAAAA]

When we decided to give it another try...13ish years ago, in order for me to feel comfortable we made the agreement that we would both give it an honest try and if it didn't work out he agreed to let me go completely. LOL looking back now, he may have believed it when he said it, but I doubt if he would have stuck to that agreement.

Through the years I've learned that the next guy will come with his own set of problems.

[jerrymichele]

That is so sweet that hubby brought you home flowers and a card. My bf does this from time to time. It makes you feel special.

How did he injure his back? That would be so horrible living with that.

[marjan]

I'm so happy for you

[AAAAA]

I've learned to accept the flowers lol, he can be more of a romantic that I. He also brought home Godiva chocolates, but I didn't mention that before because I didn't want to share lol.

He originally injured his back at work many years ago. There was a piece of equipment that needed to be repaired on the third floor, the only access to that floor and equipment is a "ladder" (looks like those old fashion fire escapes straight up and down with like a cage around the back for floors 2, 3 and 4). While the machine was down, the mechanics decided to do preventive maintenance on a machine next to the ladder on the second floor. A hose full of hydrolic oil got away from them and sprayed the ladder with oil and it did not even occur to them to say something via radio to my husband. He fell two floors before getting his foot caught in the ladder the beginning of the first floor. He hung there for a bit, but before they could bring the sissor lift over to get him down he fell to the floor.

His main complaint for the longest time was his knee. It made sense, he landed on his knee. We later learned that this somehow ruptured three the disks in his back. The injury was compounded by him seeking the company doctor and them treating it as a knee injury. He sneezed while on the table with our family doctor and our family doctor said "that's your back!" and sent him for an MRI and referred him to his current doctor.

[AnotherDayDown]

I'm so glad to hear your news I was worried about you the other day because you said you hated him...and listed all the reasons why. I hope life is now looking up for you I know a good relationship can make life 100% better.

[lynn P.]

What a thoughtful gesture for your husband to bring you flowers and chocolates!! Thanks for the wise words about not giving up on marriage - good for you both and your kids.

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by AAAAA

I've learned to accept the flowers lol, he can be more of a romantic that I. He also brought home Godiva chocolates, but I didn't mention that before because I didn't want to share lol.

He originally injured his back at work many years ago. There was a piece of equipment that needed to be repaired on the third floor, the only access to that floor and equipment is a "ladder" (looks like those old fashion fire escapes straight up and down with like a cage around the back for floors 2, 3 and 4). While the machine was down, the mechanics decided to do preventive maintenance on a machine next to the ladder on the second floor. A hose full of hydrolic oil got away from them and sprayed the ladder with oil and it did not even occur to them to say something via radio to my husband. He fell two floors before getting his foot caught in the ladder the beginning of the first floor. He hung there for a bit, but before they could bring the sissor lift over to get him down he fell to the floor.

His main complaint for the longest time was his knee. It made sense, he landed on his knee. We later learned that this somehow ruptured three the disks in his back. The injury was compounded by him seeking the company doctor and them treating it as a knee injury. He sneezed while on the table with our family doctor and our family doctor said "that's your back!" and sent him for an MRI and referred him to his current doctor.

WOW! That is really bad. Can your husband have surgery for his back? I think that back pain is one of the worst things can can happen to anyone.

[AAAAA]

He's had surgery once already, the doctor pointed out at that time that it would be the first of many because each disk they "repair" it makes the one above and below weaker, until it gets bad enough to warrant a complete disk replacement. It also makes it very easy for his back to "go out".

He learned yesterday that the disks have not ruptured, but are bulging, he'll get the shots in the disks to see if that works. If not he'll have surgery again.

AnotherDay - I think you may have me confused with someone else, I do not recall posting that I hated him... There have been threads where I talked about the trouble we had in our relationship when our kids were small, but we've learned to deal with those day to day things.

[Pomegranate]

Good for you and good advice!

[RomanSunburn]

AAAAA,
That was really nice of you to post -- I enjoy hearing the good things! I'm very sorry about your husband's back, though.

You always give everyone something to think about

Ro