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#1
Oct 14, 2009, 08:41 PM
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Hello,
I have been in a wonderful relationship for some time now and things have gotten very rocky. I was living with my GF who has a 3 year old child and an irrational abusive x husband. We were living together and a few months back the x started making threats to get me out. I moved out for her and things have gotten bad. I seem to be getting pushed away more and more, even though she insists she loves me. I havn't been able to go over the house because o an episode that made her scared she was confusing her son. The x has been going over there more and more often. I had a discussion with her last night explaining that he is thinking he is getting back in the house. She understood and agreed. She said she wouldn't have him over any more like he has been. She was supposed to call me to say good night later that night and she didn't. I got a bad feeling and went over (she lives around the corner) He was there...when i knocked on the door he opened it refused to let me talk to her and threatened to call the police (I didn't do anything he just threatened because i knocked on the door and asked for her) I left. She called me this morning telling me he was picking up the son because she didn't feel well. And that he caused a scene after i left. She agreed to call me tonight so I could go see her. I texted her and called her over an hour ago...no response....I'm panicking and don't know what to do....theres a lot more to the story but those are the key point.....I'm going crazy here and have really bad anxiety! Help! |
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#2
Oct 15, 2009, 04:50 PM
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You may have had a good relationship once, but you don't anymore. Have you ever heard the expression "If you love something, set it free; if it doesn't return it was never meant to be?" It sounds like this woman is either to timid to come out and say to you that she doesn't want you around any more, or she is trying to play both you and her ex-husband in hopes of not ending up alone, or always having a "back up." I would end the relationship and look for someone who wants to be with you, and only you. Actions speak louder than words.
__________________
 I'd rather have a visit, note or pretty picture than an "I'll say a prayer" or a "god bless you." Doesn't make me feel better, no meaning to me for sure. Can't stop you from praying and blessing me, and if that makes you feel better feel free.  But keep it to yourself please, don't tell me. And let's all respect each other's feelings. With kindness, support and "sweet dreamings." 
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#3
Oct 15, 2009, 04:56 PM
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Sounds like she is still being abused by this man- at least emotionally. But if she doesn't acknowledge that there is a problem, and if she doesn't want your help. There is nothing you can go about it. I would just say, "Look I am here if you need me." But just leave her alone for a while. I would check on her maybe once a week, and I know it's easier said than done...but she will only push you away if you get too close and she's not ready for you. The only reason I say this is cuz I was in a bad relationship with my ex...and I wanted to get away...to start up a new relationship with another man...but I always went back to my ex. He just had that much mental control over me. So, I am thinking...she is glad to have you around...but she still loves her ex especially since it's her child's father. There is also the factor, that she may be using you. She may need comfort...and she chooses you when the ex is not around...don't get mad. It's just my opinion. Take it or leave it. You don't have to listen to me.
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#4
Oct 15, 2009, 05:00 PM
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P.S. Pomegranate said it better than I did. I had my horrible ex..and I had my back-up man too. I spent years leading Jason (the back-up) on. He did everything for me, fixed my car, talked to me in the middle of the night, everything. But I didn't love him and In the end, I stopped talking to both of them.
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#5
Oct 15, 2009, 06:08 PM
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A wonderfull hug is one you want to feel forever but one you feel you could end at any time.
If the hug becomes a strangle,,you will not get another one. Give her some space and let her decide. With Care, Lenny
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I have only one conclusion,,and that is things change too quickly for me to draw them.... Sobriety date...Halloween 1989. I was plucked from hell...and treat this gift as if it is the only one... |
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#6
Oct 16, 2009, 01:11 PM
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Quote:
Very well stated. Thank you. Jen 
__________________
 A woman should soften but not weaken a man. ~Sigmund Freud
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#7
Oct 16, 2009, 01:59 PM
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I would just let her go.
 If you ask me that is to much to deal with. Besides that, why should you be put out, so that the other guy can come over. That right there would be a deal breaker for me.
__________________
Live in the moment. Right now is the only thing we really have. |
 jensasweetie
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#8
Oct 16, 2009, 03:59 PM
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It's just very hard...I have no friends and no family around...before I met her I sat in a studio apartment by myself for 3 years....I don't know how I can make it alone again...especially when she insists she loves me.....It just breaks my heart and makes me want to give up on life altogether.....
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#9
Oct 16, 2009, 04:04 PM
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Oh and the being alone thing is only secondary....I truly do love her and that's what kills me the most....
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#10
Oct 16, 2009, 04:15 PM
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I'm sorry for so many seperate posts...my mind is jumbled. I saw her last night and she is thinking about breaking up with me...she says she is not sure, that she needs to clear her head....but she seems to have her mind pretty much made up....she says she needs to focus on her.....she just called to say hi while I was typing this...she said "I love you" before saying bye.....I just don't know....
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