I hate my husband

anxietygirl · Oct 10, 2009, 10:15 PM

I hate my husband. If he got cancer and died, I would be so happy. He is a worthless human being. He is abusive, he does not work, he calls me horrible names infront of my kids and lets them call me horrible names. He makes fun of me because I believe in God, he makes fun of christians. He will not help clean the house, do laundry, take out the trash, or mow the yard, I do it all and I work full time while he goes to school full-time. I went to school full-time and worked full-time and took care of everything else. How can I make him leave? I am afraid if we get divorced the court will make me pay his expenses because I work and he does not. I hope he finds a girlfriend. I am going to pray every day that God removes him from my life. I can't take it anymore. I want to live a life of peace. He has cheated on me three times. Why won't he leave?

Yoda · Oct 10, 2009, 10:27 PM

You need an attorney & a therapist, I think. States vary in how long you must be married before one person has to pay alimony. Usually the first visit with an attorney is free.

You don't deserve to be treated badly.

lynn P. · Oct 10, 2009, 10:31 PM

If you feel that strongly, I think you should get a lawyer and file for divorce. Is he physically abusive? How old are your children? Feeling hate like this isn't healthy for you or the kids but I appreciate your honesty. I think you need a consultation with a lawyer who would be able to give you clear answers about whether you would have to give him support.

AAAAA · Oct 10, 2009, 11:52 PM

Why would he leave? He's got a good thing going there. I would think it would be worth paying the short term spousal support (most states base this upon how long he's been out of work, how long you've been married etc) just to live without him in your life.

turquoisesea · Oct 11, 2009, 01:41 AM

is it against your beliefs to leave him? Because that might be a good idea if he's being abusive....

Oct 11, 2009, 02:37 AM

Sounds like my ex husband.....

I left in the end with five kids as he wouldn't move out of the house ! It was the BEST thing I have ever done and to be honest the only reason I don't want him dead is because it would upset my elder two children, other than that I hope he rots.

If you have custody of the children how can you be made to pay money to him ?

I don't understand ?

Oct 11, 2009, 02:54 AM

((((((((((anxietygirl))))))))))

it sounds like an awful situation you are in. i'm a christian too and i am no fan of divorce but you have the right in God's eyes to divorce him. you might also consider just separating to give you some peace by having him out of your house. it does sound like it would be worth the money you might have to pay to be free of him. if you divorce him it sounds like he may find someone else to marry and support him so that may not be as big a concern as you're thinking. take care.

jerrymichele · Oct 11, 2009, 12:32 PM

If you take the kids and leave, you won't need to pay him. He will need to pay you. If anything do it for your kids. If your kids are away from him, they might stop with the name calling. I think that you should throw him out. You and the kids stay there, and put him out.

VickiesPath · 03:13 PM

First, consult with an attorney. Find out how to get that monster out of your house.

Second, take the house and the kids back. Line the kids up. Read them the riot act. Tell them that there will be no more disrespecting ANYBODY in your house, especially mommy. I don't know what age your kids are but everyone gets jobs around the house. No matter how old they are, they can have jobs. It's time that they learned who's boss and that they cannot treat each other the way their father was teaching them to do it.

When you have the kids and the house, I doubt that he is going to get much money.

Best of luck to you. Please try to be proactive on this. You have suffered enough.

Pink90 · Oct 11, 2009, 02:13 PM

Hire a hit man. Just kidding

I agree with everyone else. You need to hire an attorney. Know your rights. Even if you DO have to pay support, it sounds like a very small price to pay to get him out of your life.

FRANTICMOM · Oct 11, 2009, 02:32 PM

I really feel for you! I went through a similar situation. I thought it was my resposibility to make it work and stay with him. I was so depressed. It was like a black cloud was over me. Finally God did deliver me from that mess. My husband got a girlfriend, I got a private Investigator! We had proof of adultry. He left and the black demonic cloud went with him. Praise God! If he has cheated on you, you have biblical grounds for divorce. However, I also have abandonment issues, so I was afraid to be alone. God will make a way , but sometimes you have to take action. Pray and He will give you peace and you will know what to do. I also know a woman who was in a similar situation. He said he would kill her if she went to church. She said get out of my way, I am going. anyhow, he got saved, and straighted up and became the husband she needed him to be. God works in mysterious ways. I hope you can get rid of this terrible pain you are in very soon. Let us know. We care about you.

AAAAA · Oct 11, 2009, 05:27 PM

Tish - some states have alimony. When one person in the marriage has not worked for a period of time, the courts allow them to ease back into the work force. This used to be mainly for stay at home mom's and support was paid indefinately (until person getting the money remarried or died), my grandfather paid alimony to his ex-wife until he died, 40+ years after the divorce. He had full custody of the kids, a rarity at the time, she just up and left them all.

Sometime in the 80s (I think) it became common for men to sue for alimony (called maintenance in my state) when the wives had been the main money earners. So whether or not they have the kids, they get money for a certain period of time based upon the length of the marriage and period of time out of work. "So they can get back on their feet."

Oct 13, 2009, 02:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AAAAA

Tish - some states have alimony. When one person in the marriage has not worked for a period of time, the courts allow them to ease back into the work force. This used to be mainly for stay at home mom's and support was paid indefinately (until person getting the money remarried or died), my grandfather paid alimony to his ex-wife until he died, 40+ years after the divorce. He had full custody of the kids, a rarity at the time, she just up and left them all.

Sometime in the 80s (I think) it became common for men to sue for alimony (called maintenance in my state) when the wives had been the main money earners. So whether or not they have the kids, they get money for a certain period of time based upon the length of the marriage and period of time out of work. "So they can get back on their feet."

I can understand now .... (dont agree though not with all of it)

Jessika_Smile · 12:36 AM

Hey I'm kinda in the same position. If you care to take a look, you might find the will to make a change... Just a thought... Hope you can be happy again, and free! It feels wonderful! <3

Here's the link to read my post.
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=117196

Jessika_Smile · Oct 15, 2009, 12:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FRANTICMOM

I really feel for you! I went through a similar situation. I thought it was my resposibility to make it work and stay with him. I was so depressed. It was like a black cloud was over me. Finally God did deliver me from that mess. My husband got a girlfriend, I got a private Investigator! We had proof of adultry. He left and the black demonic cloud went with him. Praise God! If he has cheated on you, you have biblical grounds for divorce. However, I also have abandonment issues, so I was afraid to be alone. God will make a way , but sometimes you have to take action. Pray and He will give you peace and you will know what to do. I also know a woman who was in a similar situation. He said he would kill her if she went to church. She said get out of my way, I am going. anyhow, he got saved, and straighted up and became the husband she needed him to be. God works in mysterious ways. I hope you can get rid of this terrible pain you are in very soon. Let us know. We care about you.

I totally believe that. In my situation which is similar to yours I kept asking God to help relieve me of my guilt for having thrown my baby's father out to a life of nothing. What he did was made me furious. Mike, not God. He was out partying, having girls over at temporary place, still not looking for a job, he wasn't proving me anything other than I was right to have let him go. God works in mysterious ways, and we may not always like them, but it's usually for the best. You just gotta stay strong, and stick with your gut. Good luck!

Aunt Donna · Oct 15, 2009, 01:02 AM

I agree with everyone about getting an attorney. He is no help to you. I am Christian, also, and adultery is grounds for a divorce in the bible. (Ten Commandments) It isn't good for the children to see so much hatred. A therapist would help you greatly.

mandozilla53 · Oct 16, 2009, 02:26 PM

Hey anxietygirl!
I hear you! I'm in an, almost, identical situation like yours and I want out...I'm working on it as we speak. Good luck.

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