[SilverNeurotic]

Back story: Last March I met my current boyfriend through my ex best friend. We hit it off right away and with my the ex friend's blessing we started dating. Things went really well for a little over two months with my boyfriend and I, but my friendship with my ex friend was deteriorating as she was constantly making me feel guilty for wanting to spend time with my boyfriend, trying to tell me that he wasn't a good person and he'd hurt me, and when I'd try to hang out with both she would totally take over the conversation, force us to sit opposite ends of the room and just make us feel uncomfortable.

He broke up with me because he felt that if he didn't take himself out of the picture, I would end up having to choose between him or my so called best friend. I was devastated. And yes, I blamed my friend for the break up and eventually we ended our friendship (not solely because of this-that's a whole different story).

I didn't hear from my boyfriend from May until September when he contacted me again. We talked a bit and agreed to hang out but that went bad. I was upset/mad about how things had turned out. I chalked up the meeting to having closure and went on my way. He didn't give up though and continued to text me on ocassion and slowly I let him back in. We started hanging out again but by that point I had made the decision that I was going to move back home as living with my ex friend was hell.

A week before I left, my boyfriend and I had a serious discussion about our friendship/relationship and we decided to have another go at dating-despite the fact I was moving 3.5 hours away. We were both unhappy not being with each other as a couple and during the time we were apart we were both completely miserable (well, I definitely was).

I moved a week ago today and it's been hard being away from my boyfriend. We talk daily through phone calls and text messaging but not being able to see each other on a regular is going to be a challenge. Right now since I'm not working, I can't really justify leaving town for a few days. And he doesn't drive (medical reasons), he'll have to take a train or bus. He said that he has no problem with that-but I worry.

I'm also worried because he's friendly with my ex friend and her boyfriend is constantly talking crap about me...I have trust issues and I'm worried that he'll break up with me again because of something that they say about me.

He's the one constant thing in my life that makes me happy-and it kills me just thinking about going through another breakup with him and having to go through life without him. I tried dating other people after him and before him and no one came close to making me feel like I did about him.

I just need advice about how to handle being in a long distance relationship and how to keep both of us happy.

[jerrymichele]

I would talk to him about your feelings with the ex friend. I don't have any advice for a long distance relationship. I've never been in one. I can understand why you would have a hard time trusting him.

[SilverNeurotic]

I trust my boyfriend, I wouldn't have let him back in if I didn't. It's my ex friend and her boyfriend who I don't trust.

[Shangrala]

It would seem to me that so long as you have trust, then there is little to concern yourself over.

JM is right, though. Talk to your bf, let him know what your concerns are and at the same time, reinforce to him the fact that you do feel there is trust between the 2 of you, and despite the distance, you have faith in what you share.
Trust is the key and communication is essential to maintain a distant relationship.

To date, I've been in a long distance relationship for 3 years now, (he resides in Holland), and I can personally contest that it is not easy. We have over-exceeded what the emotional bond can provide, and have been seriously struggling by trying to create a fill to the void from what the lack of physical creates.

I wish you all the best.

Shangrala

[SilverNeurotic]

Shangrala,

Thanks for your words of encouragement. Not too long after I posted, I decided to google long distance relationships and after reading just a few things It made me start feeling better. Knowing someone on here has been dealing with something similar (for much longer) is even nicer.

[Shangrala]

Originally Posted by SilverNeurotic

Shangrala,

Thanks for your words of encouragement. Not too long after I posted, I decided to google long distance relationships and after reading just a few things It made me start feeling better. Knowing someone on here has been dealing with something similar (for much longer) is even nicer.

Silver~

Glad to know I've helped some.
Anytime you have any q's, feel free to pm me. I'm pretty certain that I'd have an answer for you....lol.

[Lucy_VanPelt]

Hi Silver,

I just need advice about how to handle being in a long distance relationship and how to keep both of us happy.

Beyond the emotional connection thing you have for this guy, what is going on deep down inside of u that is preventing u from finding a guy to date in yr own city?

i'm curious to know, because i don't understand the long distance relationship thing. i mean why have a long distance relationship if u can find someone nearby who would be a good BF?

The way i see it, good, relationship-worthy guys are not an endangered species-- they can be found close to home too. It's not necessary to search hundreds or even thousands of miles away to find them.

Also... the only time i have seen long distance romantic relationships work is where a guy leaves for military deployment and leaves his wife/gf behind... (in other words they met and had a relationship in person prior to the seperation in distance).

I never seen one work where someone met someone else over the internet. From what I have seen of the internet type.. they seem to fizzle out sooner or later, if they are not able 2 meet in person.

Lucy

[Shangrala]

Originally Posted by Lucy_VanPelt

Hi Silver,

I just need advice about how to handle being in a long distance relationship and how to keep both of us happy.

Beyond the emotional connection thing you have for this guy, what is going on deep down inside of u that is preventing u from finding a guy to date in yr own city?

i'm curious to know, because i don't understand the long distance relationship thing. i mean why have a long distance relationship if u can find someone nearby who would be a good BF?

The way i see it, good, relationship-worthy guys are not an endangered species-- they can be found close to home too. It's not necessary to search hundreds or even thousands of miles away to find them.

Also... the only time i have seen long distance romantic relationships work is where a guy leaves for military deployment and leaves his wife/gf behind... (in other words they met and had a relationship in person prior to the seperation in distance).

I never seen one work where someone met someone else over the internet. From what I have seen of the internet type.. they seem to fizzle out sooner or later, if they are not able 2 meet in person.

Lucy

As I've previously stated, long distance relationships are VERY difficult to maintain, however, they are NOT impossible.
Yes. Meeting, obtaining the physical is crucial for a healthy balance of any relationship.

Silver has already mentioned that her relationship began in person before she moved away. She established a physical bond with him prior to her leaving.
I can understand her wanting to continue with someone who she already feels a connection with...so long as what they share is mutual.

I have to admit, though, that it requires ALOT of sacrifice TO maintain a long distance relationship, and few are successful, unfortunately. However, it still is NOT impossible.
There are many couples who've successfully met through Internet and are happy. Yet, fact remains that the physical is essential FOR lasting success.

Shangrala

[sweetypie]

I am in a long-distance relationship. I do believe there are wonderful people all over the world, yes, even down the street. However, I happened to fall in love with a man who is in another country. In my case, we did meet 'online' and after becoming friends, first. We made a point to meet each other, as soon as possible. Our love did the opposite than 'fizzle out'. . . instead it grew and grew and continues to grow.
We continue to meet as often as possible, and are making plans now, for him to move to my country, and we plan to get married.

Long distance relationships have their challenges, but they can and do, succeed if both people want it badly enough.

My love and I, make a point to connect daily. We use email, snail mail, txt messages, daily phone calls, skype/web cam ''dates''. And we both work hard, to put away funds to visit as much as we can. We realize that it is the quality of the time together, not the quantity.

We will do everything in our power, to one day be together, for good. The best things in life, are rarely the easiest to accomplish.

I wish you much luck in your relationship - love can overcome any distance, don't forget that. ((hug))

[SilverNeurotic]

Originally Posted by Lucy_VanPelt

Hi Silver,

I just need advice about how to handle being in a long distance relationship and how to keep both of us happy.

Beyond the emotional connection thing you have for this guy, what is going on deep down inside of u that is preventing u from finding a guy to date in yr own city?

i'm curious to know, because i don't understand the long distance relationship thing. i mean why have a long distance relationship if u can find someone nearby who would be a good BF?

The way i see it, good, relationship-worthy guys are not an endangered species-- they can be found close to home too. It's not necessary to search hundreds or even thousands of miles away to find them.

Also... the only time i have seen long distance romantic relationships work is where a guy leaves for military deployment and leaves his wife/gf behind... (in other words they met and had a relationship in person prior to the seperation in distance).

I never seen one work where someone met someone else over the internet. From what I have seen of the internet type.. they seem to fizzle out sooner or later, if they are not able 2 meet in person.

Lucy

Lucy, I just moved and my boyfriend is someone I was with before I moved. We were broken up when I made the decision to move, but we had started talking and spending time together and realized that 1. We made each other happy and 2. We had both been pretty miserable during that time we had broken up. We both knew that it would be hard, but we decided that since we were given a second chance together, we weren't going to let distance deter us.

There was a very strong connection between us from the moment we first met. Maybe that's cliched but it's not something I've really experienced with too many other people. Maybe no one. All I know is that he's not a person I'm going to give up on very easily.

Right now it seems to be going well, we talk on the phone pretty much every night before bed and we'll text back and forth during the day and that seems to be working for us-I just don't want our conversations to become stale. But I've been looking stuff up online so I'm starting to get some ideas.

[Shangrala]

Good to hear, Silver.
I'm happy for you, truly.

My best to you and your love~

[SilverNeurotic]

Thank you!