Adult Children Relationships

I need a reality check here. Please advise on how I can balance my thoughts and actions in helping, communicating, and involving my life with all around me. I feel overwelmed at the moment. My adult male son and my husband seem to clash at every issue especially the current one of my son building a new house and his general lifestyle and opinions. My husband, I know is very knowledgeable in all of the areas of this project and when my son asks for his opinion, etc. he gives it and then my son does the opposite most of the time. Alot of it is youth and inexperience, but what is happening, when it all works out the way we figured it will, then we have the moodiness and anger, the whole nine yards. I feel the need to be fair to both but we have to strong male egos here. Help!

hi Laura,

welcome to the forums!

i can kind of relate to the experience you're having with your son. when i first started working for my company, i was put in the position of training others and answering workers' questions. because i was relatively new, there was a lot of resentment from the workers who had been with the company for several years. because i was the person designated to help others, they would come to me with their questions. i would give them an answer, but they didn't like what i said, so they'd go to other people, until they got the answer they were looking for. i kept thinking, "why are they bothering to ask me if they're not going to use the information i'm providing them?" for a long time, i tried to figure out the answer to this question but eventually gave up. it wasn't worth my time or effort to figure out other people's hang ups. all i could do was my job, which was training and helping others do their job. if some of the workers chose to go around the room, looking for another answer (and often not getting), then so be it. eventually, they'll realize that i was entrusted with this position for a reason.

i think the biggest thing that helped me was to not take it personally, to not make a big deal out of it. is there another reason why your son is asking for your husband's opinion? it almost sounds like he wants to talk about something other than the building of the house but is not quite sure how to go about it. has your family had good communication in the past?

i wish you and your family good luck. let us know how things are going.

take care,

splash

Remember those teenage years? They're BAAAACCK! Seriously, he'll start really listening after the first few falls. he'll start to understand that maybe mom and dad aren't such dummies after all. I'm sorry to say there's really not much you can do but I can tell you the more you nag the worse it will be. Leave him to his own devices. tell him you still love him and always will and that you will always support every descision he makes but ultimately that it is up to him. Bottom line: you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

I think it is between your son and your husband. It is extremely hard to stand to one side as you watch two of the people you love most having a hard time with each other but it is important that they have the opportunity to develop their relationship without any help. Listen to your husband when he *****es about your son, pat him on the arm and murmer soft agreement to the idiocy of your son. Love your son for all his bullheaded ways and murmer soft consolations when his house falls down.
Take care, good luck,
Zen

<font color=blue>I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but, it comes from within. It is there all the time.--Anna Freud