[A_Long_ways]

So my brother and I have a pretty good relationship. We hang out, we laugh endlessly together, we really do have a good relationship. However, he's 3 years younger than me and I feel he's a bit more progressed in life than I am. Thanksgiving is coming up and I know that he's going to be talking all about his new job, girlfriend and all of that. I am proud of him for what he's accomplished in life, but I'm also a little jealous. I'm unemployed, single, and kinda fallen on hard times in life. I know that when we're sitting there eating and he's talking about all of the good things in his life right now I'm going to feel like a failure because I'm the older brother and I've got nothing impressive to say.

I love him, and I know it's not fair of me to be angry or displeased with him for talking about his life. But knowing I'm going to have to sit there in front of my entire family and have nothing to say other than "I'm still trying" makes me anxious and not want to attend. I dunno, like I said I love him I think it's just something inside of me that also kinda makes me resent his success. Very mixed feelings about all of this.

[Junerain]

I have the same exact thing in my family!! Do NOT feel you have to 'prove..' yourself to your family...I have tried and tried myself over the years..only to find...I need to believe DEEP DOWN that I HAVE WORTH and MATTER..IN MY OWN!!! JUDGEMENT OF MYSELF..depsite outer trappings of $$ and relations..that is all outer things.....are you inwardly happy?

Why don't you list RIGHT HERE IN THIS THREAD 10 good things about yourself, so that YOU know, _YOU knowing is what matter..

I'll start it for you...
1. I write and express myself wonderfully!

It could be spomething as simple as whether you are a good cook, good listener, etc etc THESE INNER QUALITIES ARE WHAT REALLY MATTER!!

PM me I have been through this, we have a lot in common!! I have come to peace with who I am, I wish this for you

[A_Long_ways]

Hrm, I guess I can try but I doubt I'll fill up a list of 10 :P

1. I write and express myself wonderfully! (stolen)
2. I'm a very caring and kindhearted person.
3. I cook a mean bacon and eggs breakfast.
4. I have a clean conscience.
5. I can almost always get a smile out of anyone I meet.
6. I do what I can to help others when it's within my bounds.
7. I feel a bit conceited writing this, so perhaps I'm humble?
8. I had the most home runs on my little league team 2 years in a row (oh so long ago).

Ok I think that's all I can squeeze out for now. I am very inwardly happy, but the things I'm happy about are just my standards and values. I have my mother to thank for instilling them so deeply into me. However, not everyone has been brought up the same as I have. My helping, friendly, trusting attitude has done nothing for me over the years but lend itself to be taken advantage of by someone else. The world is just a mean place right now I guess, step on whoever you need to step on to make it to the top. It's partly the reason I am the way I am right now, I just really hate the way we conduct ourselves as a society. Whether you're in the top echelons of government or the bowels of poverty, chivalry and loyalty seem to be a thing of the past with the new priority set on bringing yourself to the top.

Wow, rant. Sorry not entirely sure where that came from. Anyway, Thanksgiving Dinner now, thanks for letting me get that out before heading over

[Junerain]

(((((((A_long_ways_)))))
Just wanted to say I agree, and have been 'stepped on' for as long as I can remember too..

I was fired from 58 jobs and I did nothing blatantly wrong; all for little things, they said there was something strange about me and proceeded to fired me..

I had very, very successful family and they rejected me at this point...

I waitressed at a little family run diner and found acceptance (and found for the 1st time I was not being fired..) with this eccentric family

That gave me the confidence to apply for graduate school,where I am today, on the road to becoming a teacher

You say you 'just...' have good values.....GOOD VALUES ARE UNDERRATED!!!

I find society a place that walks all over people too, although I find myself being more and more assertive; as funny as it feels, assertiveness is ESSENTIAL in today's society..

Happy Thanksgiving a-long-ways......I hope and pray your dinner was maybe not ideal' but tolerable......

Thinking of you love Junerain

[phoenix47baby]

Yep, I have had those feelings with my brother. It sort of mixes in with the shame-based family I came from. Holidays are particularly hard on the soul but laced with people we care about and a feeling of not living up to expectations is very difficult.