[UCLAFan]

I have known this one man since i was like 10 years old.I am now 39.He is in his 50's.He is a family friend.3 years ago he helped me move.He knows i'm not close to my family and at times i'm pretty lonely.Well in the last year or 2.He has complained to me that his wife of almost 30 years do's not have sex with him often.He says he has his needs etc.
He has came out and asked me to have sex with him.I won't do that.One he is married.2 i now no longer trust him.Plus he use to be like a brother to me.At times i think he is trying to take advantage of my lonliness and do's not care about me.I feel sorry for his wife and kids.It was a shocker to me when he started asking me for sex.How do i deal with this guy?Also he has gotten nosey about my personal life and my financial situation.

[Shangrala]

You simply tell him you are NOT interested.

Simple as that. You don't need to take it any further by explaining why. But if you feel that you need to, then tell him:
1. He's married
2. He's been a friend to you. Nothing more.
3. Your personal matters are your own business which you share with no one.

Dang. Some people never cease to amaze me.

Good luck.

Shangrala

[UCLAFan]

i told him all that a number of times.But he still asks for sex and gets in my business.

[lynn P.]

If I were you, I would NEVER talk to him again - he's scum!!!!! Yeah right - I wonder why his wife doesn't have sex with him anymore. I can hear the violins playing now, listening to his sad pathetic story, of how he's the victim. He's asking about your finances to see if he can manipulate you, by giving you money - how insulting. Tell him he needs to find a marriage counsellor and dig deep into his bowels to find any shred of morals left in him. Don't be polite and give to him straight. What a sad excuse for a human being and what arrogance.

[JayS]

You should tell his wife too.

[jerrymichele]

I would tell his wife, and tell him to stay away from you.

[UCLAFan]

I give it to him straight.Plus i do not let him know my personal or financial suituation.He do's know though that i'm on disability.He has asked me how much i make.I never of course tell him how much i get.I have told him none of your business.Also told him how would u like it if i asked you how much money u make.Whenever he starts talking about sex.I try to get him to stop talking about it.Then he excuses me of being uptight about sex.A few times he asked me if i was a virgin or when was the last time i had sex,That's none of his business.I might be broke lots of times.But i don't want his or any other man's money.

[NuckingFutz]

I would even go so far as try and catch him on tape recorder when he is asking you for sex...that way you can play it for her when she denies he did anything wrong (been there done that). Keep your distance from this man...he is bad.

[JayS]

That's an excellent idea NuckingFutz.

[UCLAFan]

At times i feel like never trusting anyone ever again.If i can't trust someone i have known most of my life.How am i suppused to trust people i hardly know.

[lynn P.]

That's a great idea that Nucking Futz said about the tape recorder. I would also find the best looking guy around to hide in another room - get the guy on tape and then have the great looking guy come out and tell him to get his butt out the door.

I know that feeling about not feeling you can trust anyone. When I was 13 yrs old I was almost assaulted by my sisters husband. This was a person I knew since I was 5 yrs' old and he was like a brother to me. It really shook me up. When I was a teenager I used to serve food in a banquet hall and always used to have men who were out with their partner/wives flirt with me. I've been hurt very badly and sometimes wonder if there are any good men out there, who are capable of loyalty. You need to teach this guy a lesson, he'll never forget.

[NuckingFutz]

Sounds like he is not listening to her at all...trying to put the situation back on her by saying she's uptight about sex. He sounds like a predator for sure. I would put the "no contact rule" effect. That means not answering the door to him, don't answer his calls or read his emails. Guy is trying to wear you down. Keep posting as much as you need to. Hang in there.

[lynn P.]

I agree with Nucking Futz - I also think he's a predator and under-estimating you. He thinks all he needs to do is convince you. If he contacts you again, tell him that he can no longer contact you in any way or else you'll file a restraining order. He sounds like he needs serious mental help - no wonder his wife doesn't want him. How dare he accuse you of being uptight or ask you personal questions. BTW when a man start asking questions about your sex life and whether you're a virgin - this turns them on. He's getting his jollies out of these conversations with you. Time to play hardball.

[Psyched]

This guy is trying to take advantage of someone who is in a vulnerable situation-that's a predator. I assume that you know his email address if you've known him for so long, so I suggest you do this: Send him an email stating in no uncertain terms that if he ever contacts you again in any way, you will file a restraining order. Then print out the email & save it. (Don't tell him that part.) If he ever violates that condition, you have written proof that you communicated all of this to him, & can take it to the police as evidence. Stalker laws will accept that communication to him as reason to file a restraining order in the event that he persists. Do not answer his calls & save his voice mails for evidence, & the same with emails. Do not answer the door if he tries to visit you. Call the police & throw him in jail so fast his head spins. Also, save all of the above evidence & show it to his wife. Ughh, what a creep!!!

[lynn P.]

Very good point Psyched about documenting everything from the time you warm him to leave you alone. Keep a record and date everything.

[jenkins09]

what a d.bag...you have set boundries with him, now enforce them. He clearly is not your "friend." If he was he would have respected your wishes of not discussing this with you. He is a adulterous bastard and you should wash your hands of him. You can trust people, just not this clown.

[marjan]

I would stop seeing him and contacting him...easy....he's an A.H.

[susan888]

Tell his wife....He is disgusting. She needs to know what she is married to.

[lynn P.]

I agree with Susan888 - tell his wife to log on to PC so she can read this thread. Too bad he doesn't have a 'pop up timer' cause he's DONE -LOL.

[Rhapsody]

Best Way to Deal with a Married Man is NOT to Deal with Him unless he is Your Husband.