[littleyellowspider]

EDIT: please note that I messed up on the title of this post. I meant to write depression ruined relationship. see how out of it I am?

So I haven't posted here in a while. But some stuff has happened recently and I just feel so alone and I thought about this site and how helpful everyone is.

My boyfriend of a year (with the exception of a one month break) broke up with me over the summer. (In a text message of all things) I was probably closer to him than I am to anyone else. He was my best friend so the break up alone was hard. He never gave me a real reason for the break up. He said that he needed to do his own thing and we both needed space and that he wasn't ready for a relationship, however, a week later I found out he had been hooking up with his ex girl friend (I found this out from his brother who I am friends with) My ex told me that it was just a one time thing and that he had no plans of getting back together with her and regretted it and didn't want to be with anyone right then. 2 months later, during which time we really don't talk at all, I find out (by stumbling upon his twitter and reading a post about it) that he is in fact dating the ex. His brother than told me that the two of them have been dating since we very first broke up. This hurts lot because in my mind this seems like he left me for her. During our relationship he talked about this girl all the time and I often felt like he was comparing me to her. She is prettier, smarter, more successful and a lot nicer than I am and I know this. so I have spent since september thinking this was the real reason and he just didn't want to tell me. Recently I ran in to him and we started talking again and trying to be friends, (not very successfully) the other night conversation started that somehow lead to the topic of our break up. I brought up that if he had left me for this girl I wish he would have just told me and not lied about it. He then told me that the real reason he left me was because I was too sad and he couldn't make me happy and he couldn't fix it and he just couldn't handle it anymore.

I don't like to talk about how I am feeling. Many people think I am a happy functioning person, but my ex really encouraged me to open up, he told me that he cared about me and wanted me to trust him enough to tell him my problems. So I did, and he was one of the few things that made me happy, I felt best about myself when i was around him, and he was always supportive and helpful. He also had problems with self injury and he really helped me a lot with it. He was the first guy to ever tell me he loved me. And that is now all over because I am "too sad" I don't even know what to think. I know that I never want to open up to anyone else about how I feel.
Also I'm still not convinced that the other girl didn't play a part in to the break up. I just feel like a mess. A lot of other stuff has been going on too but I'll write about that not in the relationship section

Hello, littleyellowspider. Perhaps it is time to open up with a professional?