[sunrise888]

GO AWAY FROM MY THOUGHTS YOU SON OF A *****
WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH ME? WHY IS THERE NOT A DAY THAT I DONT THINK ABOUT YOU! SCREW YOU
FOR MAKING ME THIS WAY.
I HATE YOU. I REALLY DO HATE YOUR GUTS.
UGHHHHHHHHHH YOU ASSHOLE. WHAT HAD I DONE TO YOU? WHAT HAD I DONE TO DESERVE SUCH
TREATMENT FROM YOU. GO AWAY! I DONT WANT TO HAVE TO THINK ABOUT YOU ANOTHER MOMENT. YOU
TOUCHED ME AND KISSED ME AND WHISPERED IN MY EARS, LIKE YOU REALLY MEANT IT.
WHY THE EMPTY PROMISES? I LOVE YOU, YOU SAID... BUT REALLY... DO YOU REALLY LET THE
PERSON YOU LOVE GO THIS EASILY?

WHATS WRONG WITH ME? WHY SO MUCH HATRED? WHY SO MUCH AMBIVALENCE? WERE YOU NOT THE ONE TO
CONSOLE EVERYONE ELSE? WERENT YOU ONE TO ADVICE ALL OTHERS IN NEED.
UGHH BE STRONG MY DEAR. AND REMEMBER NOT BE SO NAIVE FOR NEXT TIME. BE CAUTIOUS BUT STILL
HAVE A GOOD TIME. DONT GIVE YOUR ALL TO ANYONE UNLESS YOU REALLY GET TO KNOW THEM.

UMM YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK HE THINKS RIGHT NOW?
WELL YOU CALLED HIM AND HE DIDNT RESPOND... KIND'A O MADE YOU LOOK bad?
THEN YOU EMAILED HIM AGAIN... NOT ASKING FOR A REPLY BACK... NOT ASKING ANYTHING... HE RESPONDED 3 WEEKS LATER.... MAYBE HE FELT BAD? WHO KNOWS? MAYBE HE DID FEEL BAD... BUT BY
YOU NOT WRITING BACK, IT SHOWED HIM THAT YOU'VE LONG MOVED ON. YOU'VE MOVED ON AND NOT
CARE ENOUGH TO LET HIM KNOW HOW THINGS ARE ON YOUR SIDE. WHY SHOULD IT MATTER RIGHT? IF
THE PERSON THAT CLAIMED TO LOVE YOU AT ONE POINT DOESN'T CARE ENOUGH TO RESPOND TO YOU
AND EVEN WHEN HE DECIDES TO IT'S 3 WEEKS LATE. OH YA AGAIN BACK TO HIS REACTION:

-HUH? WHY ISN'T SHE RESPONDING? ----I'M GONNA GIVE IT SOME TIME... SHE WILL EVENTUALLY
WANNA WRITE BACK!!!

---- HAHA WELL GUESS WHAT ****! YOU AINT GETTING NO REPLY FROM ME!!!! I HATE YOU AND
DONT GIVE ENOUGH **** ABOUT HOW BUSY YOU'VE BEEN OR YOUR QUESTION OF HOW SCHOOL IS GOING
FOR ME...

-HUH? WHY ISN'T SHE RESPONDING? ----- MAYBE SHE HAS MOVED ON AND I DONT EVEN CROSS HER MIND ANYMORE...

-YA.. WILL EVENTUALLY HAPPEN... JUST NOT YET I GUESS... I GUESS IT'S MY WEAKPOINT THAT I
CAN'T LET GO PEOPLE I ONCE CARED FOR SO EASILY. I GUESS YOU'VE LEFT A BIG STAIN IN MY LIFE THAT I NEED TO WORK ON GETTING RID OF...

-HUH? WHY ISN'T SHE RESPONDING? ---- OH WELL THAT'S VERY WEIRD. IT KIND OF HURTS MY BIG FAT EGO...

-WHY? ACOULPE OF DAYS LATER? HUH? STILL NO REPLY? WTF HAPPENED, I THOUGHT I COULD CONTROL
THIS TYPE OF ****...

- WELL GUESS WHAT? YOU WILL BE WAITING FOREVER LIKE THIS? I HAVE NO INTENTION OF WRITING BACK TO AN ASSHOLE THAT PLAYS WITH PEOPLE'S EMOTIONS! MAYBE THIS WILL TEACH YOU A
LESSON...

_____

i have all this anger in me... i dunno how much longer it will last. but i guess that's what happens when you try to close a chapter without an ending... when there are questions that remain unanswered...
maybe he isn't a bad guy after all... maybe he thought i was different from what he had imagined and was waiting for something like this to happen...

sigh... i just don't know why i'm taking this so badly...

i guess time will heal...

i guess this suffering will really teach me.

----

[Belle1979]

There is a lesson to be learnt in every situation... just sometimes the lessons are so painful that you just want to curl up in a ball and never get back up.
Anger is one of the stages that you go through... I've been there and it does go away.. it just feels like broken promises...
Time will heal you - let all the anger, frustration and sadness out.
One thing I learnt is that there are no answers to the questions... the questions remain and you just have to accept that sometimes there is no real reason.

Sorry I can't be more helpful - hugs to you

Always save a little bit of yourself for yourself... never give it all away no matter how special the relationship seems.

sunrise888, may you find peace.

Hope you are okay, sunrise888.

[sunrise888]

Thank you both of you for your support! I do feel better... I just don't know how I have let such a short lived relationship effect me so much. People tell me that I have become so bitter... I was never like this before... I was always known as the nice one that was always there for anyone that needed help...

I wanna get back to my old self... I guess all the stress from school has made everything seem worse than it really is for me. When I look at myself now, sometimes I feel so digusted... no self-discipline, no motivation, no desire to care for anyone else...

I must say you cared enough to give that guy a large dose of what for.

Perhaps making a list of things that are bothering you would be beneficial as reminders.

Love yourself. Be well.

[owenweisman]

One way to forget the pass is to find a new one.