[raiyel]

Well, I took her to dinner at a restaurant we've been going to together for years, we have a regular server and everything... I had him bring out the ring in her to go box, got down on one knee and re-proposed telling her that knowing what we now know about each other, and knowing all of my flaws and problems, I would like to start fresh. I want to work on our relationship and fix what we have worked so hard to build... after a minute she said maybe. then changed the subject. as soon as we left the restaurant she asked me to drive her to see her boyfriend because she had a couple of drinks and didn't want to get pulled over. I drove her up there, let her chat with him for about 30 minutes... then said hi to him and we came home... she hasn't said two words since we got in the car to come home... i'm so confused...

[Belle1979]

I don't know the full story.. but why did she go to see the boyfriend? Did she tell him that it was all over and she was considering getting back with you?

[raiyel]

no, she just wanted to see him... wanted a hug heh.. and he's a good friend of mine so he'd still be around whether or not we work things out... she's already made that perfectly clear

[NuckingFutz]

She probably told him that you re-proposed. Hmmm...wonder what he had to say about that. But the important thing is how it made you feel. Do you want to share about your feelings and your needs?

[raiyel]

he already knew, heh he's known since last week i'd be re-proposing. he's a friend of mine as well. at this point...i don't know. i'm tired, stressed, a little hurt, quite a bit frustrated... i hate that she's leaving it all up to whatever diagnosis i get when i go to the therapist.

[NuckingFutz]

Thanks for sharing your feelings. I can certainly understand you feeling hurt angry and confused. Sounds like she has already abandoned the marriage by trashing it with her demands and coldness. So what are your symptoms besides memory loss if you do not mind me asking? Just trying to get a better idea of what is going on. Looking forward to your response.

[salukigirl]

I'm super confused. How is a boyfriend who is a friend of yours okay with you re-proposing to her? Why is she seeing you while with another guy? And saying maybe on top of that. Unless you mean boy who is a friend. But if you mean boyfriend, then I don't really get this situation at all.

[Rhapsody]

I too am confused here.... are you saying you two have been dating for years and she is also seeing another guy that just happens to be your friend?

[raiyel]

Ok clarification seems to be needed lol... She's my wife, we separated for about a week following her and one of my very close friends becoming emotionally involved. I was alright with them becoming friends and encouraged it. I am good friends with him and his wife as well. At some point they decided to become "Friends with benefits". At the time I had no issue with that, the sex part did not bother me or his wife at all. (Her and I both have pretty wild pasts in that respect and neither of our spouses do. We understood their desire for some variety... so we were fine with it...and his wife is still fine with it). They become very emotionally close... that part bothered me a lot. She went from being seemingly happy in our relationship, never having any real issues other than the occasional take out the trash, do the dishes type of issues. Then suddenly she had all these issues with me because I'm not a romantic individual by any stretch of the imagination... I hope that cleared things up... (Yes, I'm fully aware it's a very confusing situation)

Hmmmmmmmm I don't know?

[NuckingFutz]

Sigh, fasten your seat belts, it is going to be a bumpy ride. Although you say you took her to dinner and re-proposed on one knee with a ring in a restaurant. I did not have to stretch my imagination at all to see that you can be romantic. Maybe you are not giving yourself enough credit.

[salukigirl]

Personally, I could never be in that situation. I'm actually quite amazed that both you and your friend's wife are perfectly fine with this happening. With that being said, can you really be upset or hurt about something you allowed to happen? That's like me allowing my bf to go out and cheat and then get mad when he actually likes the girl. I hate to say it but allowing your relationship to get to the point where everyone is sleeping with everyone.....that is going to happen. I personally don't think you can complain when you openly allow your wife to go out and sleep with another man and not even care.

[raiyel]

saluki, i see your point, and unfortunately i think you're 100% correct....

[A_Long_ways]

Can't really offer you any advice, your situation is incredibly complicated. Just wanted to wish you luck in whatever direction the situation goes.

[Rhapsody]

The only way I can see out of this is to have a talk with all parties involved and discuss the fact that you are now bothered by the situation and you would respectfully like to ask that it end.

Good Luck.