[AmadeusApple]

I've seen so many unsupportive parents when looking through this forum, it makes me sad.
Has anyone had experiences with their parents or friends or other family being supportive?

[shezbut]

AmadeusApple,

That's a difficult question to answer.

We are all human, no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. ~ Kind of a mantra I have to frequently remind myself of.

I know that my parents care about me. They have gone out of their way several times to be there for me. Times later in life, that I really needed help, and they were there. But there were some very hard times both early and throughout my older childhood that my parents ignored ~ and swear that they had no idea.

The lasting effect for me is always questioning myself, my memories, my emotions, and who/what I am. I have also always resented my mom for treating her step-daughter (my sister) very poorly ~ which caused a very chaotic household when my sister wasn't in jail, runaway, or with her grandparents in Chicago.

Anyway, it's a confusing mix. It isn't easy to separate all of these feelings. I do appreciate my parents being there for me in some ways, when I was older. I just wish that I didn't have the painful memories, experiences, and emotions to struggle through in such critical developmental times of life. My hope is that I can someday accept my past and not hold these memories and emotions against most of my family. But that's no overnight process. Nor is it one that I know I can do. I just take one small step at a time to get through now.

Very sorry for my long personal experience being shared here. I believe that many of us here (at this site) do have very complicated experiences with family members ~ as they are so often involved in abuse history. If not being the abuser, victim, they stand by and do nothing while the abuse occurs (SA, PA, and EA).

Sorry.
Shez

These forums are for the mentally ill. Therefore there likely will be a greater number of underachieving parents.

[Gabi925]

Could you be more explicit when talking about un-supportive parents?
I don't think that there are "perfectly normal" parents. I wonder what could be that when we are all so different and our demands different too. What it seems "supportive" for one could be "mentally ill support" for another or no support at all.
But shezbut have a great point about that "care" A child should feel that a parent CARE for him, for his best and support the child as long as the child through his attitude shows that he appreciates and respectively needs that support.
Anyway I think that a parent has to support the child till become adult if the child still wants to stay with him till that age. But a disrespectful and aggressive attitude will not make a parent to go on with his support over the adult age if the child doesn't change. Would you help someone who is only mocking your efforts and has only complains and demands but never thinks of your needs?

[AmadeusApple]

Originally Posted by shezbut

Very sorry for my long personal experience being shared here. I believe that many of us here (at this site) do have very complicated experiences with family members ~ as they are so often involved in abuse history. If not being the abuser, victim, they stand by and do nothing while the abuse occurs (SA, PA, and EA).

The site is here for personal experiences.

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

These forums are for the mentally ill. Therefore there likely will be a greater number of underachieving parents.

That is true, it does make me sad, though.

Originally Posted by Gabi925

Could you be more explicit when talking about un-supportive parents?

I guess the parents that didn't notice or didn't care.
Or are in complete denial about the issue at hand.
I just hate that it's the way things are.
I'm not very familiar with it, but my mom's mother completely ignored the fact that her "precious son" was SAing my mom for years. ><

Sorry about that, Jennifer.

[shezbut]

(((AmadeusApple)))

Gentle hugs to you ~ you're in my thoughts.

[Typo]

My parents aren't very accepting of my mental health issues, they are ,however, supporitve of me going to therapy, but throw offical dignoises at them (I'm Bipolar II and PTSD) and they get freaked out and fall into denial and invalidating me, I know it's because they are scared and don't understand. My parents aren't perfect, and I know they realize that, one of our family motto's is "We put the fun back in dysfunctional" but I know they care, and they do the best they can for me, and will always love and support me, they have their limitations as do all people, and both my parents have their own issues to conquer in life which sometimes gets in their way of being completly functional and supportive parents, the older I get the more I realize that and accept it and shed my anger I've carried towards them. I know for sure though I can almost always turn to my dad for some level of acceptance and understanding in my mental health diagnosis, me and my mom have a few issues, but I'm learning to accept that the reason my mom emotionally abused me wasnt' out of pre planned maliace or concious choice, but it's because of her past and how she was raised. It's hard to remember at times that parents are humans too I do know however that there are many things I can never tell my parents of why I am in therapy, a part of me wonders if they know the real reason back in their minds, or if they still buy the story to this day that it is because of a trumatic car accident I was in when I was 15.

I do have a very supportive best friend, and her mother, and the man I'm involved with is very supportive as well. I know I can turn to my best friend and her mom for anything, and my best friend is also my designated safety buddy that T assigned me to have for when I fall into extreme mania or extreme hyperviglence mode and need someone in a stable state to help me make decisions.

(((((((((Amedusapple)))))))))))))))))
Sending gentle hugs to you and peaceful thoughts

[AmadeusApple]

I think that denial might simply be part of the whole process of anything that involves mental health or abuse.
Most of the time I just totally push out of my mind what happened to my mom, and she seems to be doing so well all the time and is all strong and stuff, it's pretty easy to pretend that it didn't happen.

((((hugs to all))))

[NuckingFutz]

Supportive parents do not kill themselves and leaved their preschool children behind to fend for themselves. They do not beat, starve, burn, kick, torture, or throw them across the room. There is a newly convicted father who turned his son over in his crib (father admits he was a little rough) to give him a pacifier. Because of this the kid had 10 broken ribs because of it. What kind of future do these kids have? Not very pleasant. And certainly not mentally healthy ones. At least not without help.

[AmadeusApple]

There needs to be a qualification or something...
But that won't happen.

[Perna]

My husband's parents were extremely supportive of him. By supportive, I mean he was given the opportunity and space to grow into himself his own way. We all end up as more ourselves as we live this life, I think; it just takes longer sometimes because of the personal life experiences we have and how we respond to them. But that's what makes us, "Us". We can't really learn if there aren't mistakes, doing things "right" just gets taken for granted, it's the struggle where you learn to "see" in my experience.

[Gabi925]

Originally Posted by AmadeusApple

I guess the parents that didn't notice or didn't care.
Or are in complete denial about the issue at hand.
I just hate that it's the way things are.
I'm not very familiar with it, but my mom's mother completely ignored the fact that her "precious son" was SAing my mom for years. ><

I usually do not answer just to give a warm shoulder.
I try to see a person as a whole, from all the facets he/she presents and I answer conform my cumulus of knowledge at that point about a problem raised by that person. I have answer you to almost every thread.

I think that I might be in denial about how the world is... I wonder I am still looking for things that do not exist! Starting with people who ask from themselves the same that ask from others. And who could take an answer thinking first that maybe the other one wanted to help, even sometime we can't help venting while helping :-)

I have looked at your age and I see you are 23!

Probably I thought of my 23 y old son!

My English and mistakes may not convey the right message.
But I don;t understand your message " I'm not very familiar with it, but my mom's mother completely ignored the fact that her "precious son" was SAing my mom for years. " either because I do not know what;s "SAing"

Anyway I still do not understand your point, in raising that question and what exactly would you like to know - as it seems that it will be hard for you to appreciate an answer, as it results from your own thread:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showp...20&postcount=7
"I've never been a parent, so I don't really consider myself qualified to have an answer. "

And you don't have either a personal issue:

"I'm just grateful that my mom understands and gets it.
I think that over the years, having someone that deals with bipolar has well as helped.
She's never dealt with self injury, because she was too worried that she'd go too far. " http://forums.psychcentral.com/showp...7&postcount=15

I think you are doing a great job just being here and looking for solution. I bet you, yourself could be quite supportive with the people I saw you care about; fiancee, parents, clients at your company.

As about me, I decided to stop being in DENIAL. Thanks for starting this threads and offer to other people that I reached to appreciate in time, an opportunity to show their views.

[AmadeusApple]

Originally Posted by Gabi925

I think you are doing a great job just being here and looking for solution. I bet you, yourself could be quite supportive with the people I saw you care about; fiancee, parents, clients at your company.

I always feel like I'm the opposite... that I don't have enough empathy or seem disconnected in some way when I am trying to be supportive.