do i really know him?

hello all, i havent been on here in a while, i guess its partly because i didnt see the point but, ive been thinking i really didnt give it much of a chance. so here i am again...

this is my problem, and i need some advice. ive been dating this guy on and off, and we've been friends for a while, not really close friends but friends and after my finance passed away and i had my kid, he really moved into my life. now heres the thing, its been about five years now and well this guy has been here for me and my daughter since Singer passed away. for his support im thankful, but ive become curious as the what he does for a living, i know he travels a lot and when i say a lot i mean he travels all the time. i know he has 2 houses, and i know he has a lot of money because of the nice cars he has. but when i ask him about his job, he always changes the subject. i dont think hes into drugs because saddly i know how that world works. and for the record he has never hurt me or my daughter. so i dont believe there is any danger, but who knows right?

so heres my question to all of you... do you think i should be worried about what he does for a living?

Hello, callusedthoughts. My thought is perhaps he is married or has others in his life.

i know hes not married, ive been to all his houses... besides he was my finance's bestfriend, and i know he would have told me if he was married. hes only a few years older than i am, and i know singer would have told me if he had kids. i even looked for police records, anything really but i kept hitting dead ends or finding nothing. he's loyal too, i cant imagine him being married and cheating, as the thing is i have never seen him look or much less really notice any other women. we even have a few of the same friends and they dont know what he does for a living either... i dunno if hes dangerous or not and i really have no way of finding out anything, because the only person who would probably know anything about him is dead. i guess its safe to say im getting a little worried, but im not ready to run yet, i mean he has helped me a lot.

Hm.. I'm really not sure what to tell you. I know this is an odd situation, and if you're like me and have a run-away imagination, then you've probably imaged every scenario humanly possible (James Bond, anyone?)

Where does he travel? Have you asked about maybe tagging along on a business trip and making it a mini vacation for a day or two after whatever he needs to do there? Maybe ask and try to gauge his reaction.

Good luck,
Ro

IMO - when one does not like to talk about what he/she does to make money then they are usually involved on the wrong side of the law... be careful.

i have never asked him if i could tag along with him on a business trip, i will try that thanks for the advice, although he does have a good poker face, its always hard to tell what hes thinking.

as for the other thing, i dont think he does anything against the law, he doesnt have the personality for it.

What about his family; mother, father, siblings? Ever hear of a web site called netdetectives.com? You can look up all the public records you want on this guy. Employers do it all the time...maybe girlfriends should to. Good luck and keep posting.

You don't mention if this is a basic friendship or are you involved with him? It makes a difference as to what his real interests might be in helping you. I also can not think of one situation where a guy avoids telling a person what they do for a living. It's a red flag. May be a false red flag with some justification, but certainly a red flag and your feeling it also which is why your looking on your own and posting here.

For your sake I hope you are right.... just like the other hundred and one people that thought the same thing.

I don't think it necessarily means he is doing something illegal or morally wrong. Some people just aren't comfortable with talking about their work or other aspects of their personal lives. Maybe he works for a company that is considered controversial and he doesn't know how you will take it? Maybe his position has a stereotype attached and he doesn't want your opinion of him to change.

i.e. my friend traveled to Canada to restore some of the old oil fields used by BP. She was ashamed that she was working for an oil company so she only said she was doing 'restoration work'. Because people in this field (science in general) really have strong opinion about working for oil companies and she didn't want anyone to think less of her.

I say just be open and honest. Flat out say "so we have been talking for a while and I still have no idea who you work for?" and THEN see what his reaction is. You will be able to tell if he is just emabarrassed or shy or if he is being secretive and hiding it for other reasons.

Envision to answer your question of are we involved... we have been in and out of a relationship for a while... ive known him for a while but he was never really around a lot not until Singer and my brother passed away and my other brother was put in jail... i dont know if that all has some connection, but i guess i will find out because my brothers getting out of jail this year... ill see if he runs i guess.

so hes not in the states right now so i cant ask him what he does for work, otherwise i would... but i will ask him and i will let all of you know what he does...

Out of the US. That rules out a lot of things. But I did notice you lost your former fiance and a brother...was this in the same incident? I also was wondering if you ran a full backround check on this guy yet? Maybe you can get some clues from that.

i dont really know what him being out of the states rules out.... my finance was gunned down we still dont really know why... and my brother who died killed himself because of family issues... and my other brother in jail was put in for a lot of other reasons, i dont know if singer's death and him being put in jail are connected in any way... and yeah i have had a background check done on him, but heres the thing, i cant find anything because he originally isnt from this country...

Well lets just say he is not with the FBI. They stay in the States. If he is not forthcoming it would raise a red flag for me. I personally would be concerned. Wish I could help more. Just take care of yourself.

What would he say if you asked, "By the way, why haven't you told me what you do for a living?" The support is great, and you should express gratitude for that as well!

so he came back to town yesterday... and like i sometimes do i asked him once again what he did for work... and this time i got more than i usually do, and he said, he couldnt tell me... so then i tried to push my luck a little harder, and asked if i could tag along on his next business trip and he said like he always does no, but once again he took it a little further and said he would buy a ticket for my daughter and i to come after hes done with his work so that we can all explore the country... (which by the way he doenst know where hes going next) but hey i think its a start....
hes really understanding, and he told me that he wants things to work out with us but that he cant tell me everything, but he understands why im getting worried about how things are with him... like i said before i really like him, and he makes a great father figure for my daughter, and he loves her and treats her like his own daughter... i really want things to work out for us...

The only thing I can think of if it isn't illegal or marriage to someone else, he's in the adult industry. Most people in the industry do not like to talk about it with people who are not because most people judge pretty harshly. That's why most people involved go by pseudonyms (I've worked in "phone entertainment" for years, so I know a bit about the various aspects of the industry). It's a long shot, but a possibility.

He said he CAN'T tell you. What jobs are there that require secrecy.....I know my cousin started in the army (he joined right after 911) and worked his way up (he already had a PhD in psychology) so now he works for intelligence in Wash. DC. All anyone really knows is that he works for the Gov't and he travels all over the world but he literally can't tell anyone anything. His wife just has to trust him fully. Because his job is pretty in secrecy so we all know that he doesn't SOMETHING but even us, in his family, have no idea what he really does. You need to decide if you can believe him. If you truely believe him then he will let you in one step at a time.

Can he at least tell you if he is a good guy? Knowing that would be common sense from a safety standpoint of view.

i guess ill just have to trust him well i want to trust him.... so far nothing bad has happened, while being with him. and he has helped me out a lot so i really just want to put my trust in him, i dont believe hes doing anything bad because i have a feeling that the would never want to put me or my daughter in danger. besides hes helped me out a lot... all in all i think i can say hes a good guy. he said he would tell me more if he could, but he cant... so i think im just going to trust him on his judgment.

Well, it sounds like you have made your decision and that you think he is a nice guy. Good luck and have fun on your trip. Hope you have your passports handy!