[salukigirl]

I'm curious if anyone else is this way with their partner. One of you is very simple and the other very lavish and excessive when it comes to material things. I ask because my bf is very over the top with things and loves having big surround sound and the newest tv and PS3 etc... while I'm very simple. I had never even watched anything on an HD tv until we started dating. I can't tell the difference (even though I say I can because he tells me its impossible to not see a difference). I could go the rest of my life with my little honda civic and my little tv with no surround sound. All of his furniture has to be top notch whereas I buy cheap things because I know my cats will tear it up lol.

Anyone else in this situation? If so, how do you deal with it? Honestly, people spending a lot of money on things I consider not necessary is a turn off for me. So when he talks about all these things he wants it kind of grosses me out. But I know its just a difference in tastes. I just don't see the point.

Battles over money. At some point there will be battles over money.

[Yoda]

Battles over money is just one more reason I don't want a long term relationship. It's my money and if I want to buy a $2500 plastic pony I'm gonna buy it. I like being single.

[Elysium]

(((((Salukigirl)))))

Sometimes opposites attract and you can both balance each other out. Being able to notice these differences in who you both are puts you at an advantage for the times when finances do become a sticky issue for the both of you...and they will. They do for everyone.

Just remember that you help keep him out of the clouds and he helps keep you floating just above the Earth. If you can manage to communicate effectively with each other during the stressful financial times, as opposed to treating each other like crap or just throwing your hands up and going to bed angry, I think you both could bring out the best in each other. If not though, you may be in for a bumpy ride.

Communicate...compromise, yet stand your ground. Know when and how to pick your battles. Don't get caught up in trivial issues. Just when you think you can't go any further...take one more step...forward.

[NuckingFutz]

If he can afford and enjoy these things as well as keeping you happy, no problem. But there is more to it than that if it causes stress (like maybe he gets pissed at your cats if they claw his furniture or if he gets his emotional worth off these things). Maybe have your own area with simple things). Personally high end junk is still junk if it does not enhance both your lives. Personally extra money would go to Haiti. I have a beatiful bridge for sale in San Francisco if your sweetie wants to drive your Honda over it (j/k).

[salukigirl]

The only time it causes problems is because I make less money than him. And even though I'm not the one who buys the expensive things, it costs more to run them. So I had a talk with him that if I'm the one who pays for all the cat's food and litter etc... then I shouldn't have to pay the extra electricity that comes along with having a huge surround sound and HD DVR and all this other crap. He agreed. So he gave me some extra money last night to cover the extra stuff that is from gim. Like the directv bill is about 30 bucks more every month when you have HD. The electricity bill is almost twice as high because he has about 30 things running at once.

I'm just an energy nazi. And I have never had bills this high before. But when I talked to him about it he was fine with paying extra.

I can't tell if he buys them just because he can or if it is to fill some kind of emotional void. I could definitely see it having some kind of emotional attachment because he will get upset if anything gets the tiniest scratch on it. I told him just wait - if we ever have kids he wont be able to 'love' all these things anymore. He says he knows and that's why he likes doing all of it now, while hes 26 with no real commitments like children. If thats true then he can go ahead. But I told him, when you have an infant that is puking on you a few times a day and, most likely, will pee AND poop on you......you can't really care about your expensive things anymore lol

[lynn P.]

Yes my husband is the lavish one and I'm happy with simple things and can save money. It can be very problematic but it would also be a problem if you were both spenders. My husbands spending eventually forced us to claim bankruptcy - I really hope he learned his lesson. If there are 20 plaid shirts is slightly different colors, he'll buy all of them. He came from a poor family with 8 other siblings, so I think he tries to over compensate for that feeling of lacking so much before.

I recommend you both iron out your differences before marriage and definately before having kids. I think everyone should learn how to handle finances in high school. Have your BF ask himslef this question whenever he buys something - 'do I really NEED this'??

[salukigirl]

No he doesn't. He told me that when he was in high school and wanted to buy a stereo his dad said "you might as well buy a surround sound system" and that sounds like that's what started it. I asked him if his parents ever taught him about finances and he said no.

My dad used to have me sit there when I was little and write checks for bills and balance his checkbook. That was when I was maybe 8 or 9 so I have had people showing me and teaching me pretty much my whole life. And my mom would kinda do the same thing. But his parents never did that. He goes last night "money isn't anything" and I said "that shows me that you have never been poor" lol.

His parents just kind of buy him whatever he wants without a second thought. My mom and dad would say "okay we only have enough money for one thing so which do you want?" whereas his parents would buy both. And his grandparents took out a mutual fund that matured for 18 yrs so he pretty much had his entire college education paid for whereas I have about 60,000 in loans and my parents and grandparents didn't help me out at all.

He still doesn't pay for his cell phone or his car insurance. His parents just don't even want him to. I can just see a major difference in maturity when it comes to material goods and money. Like when he bought his new car he didn't think about anything except that he wanted it. I will sit there and think "how much will insurance be? how much more will gas be? whats the mpgs? how much are parts when the warranty runs out?" he just kind of....buys it.

I guess its just a difference in how we were raised because I'm from a lower-middle class family and his parents have always been fairly wealthy. Luckily he has always had the money to spend on things but I'm worried that, come may when he graduates, he wont find a job right off the bat and will still spend money like he has it. I will seriously have to grab his arms and pull him out of best buy sometimes....

[lynn P.]

Salukigirl - your parents raised you the right way. Even if I won the lottery, I don't want my children to feel they're entitled to get everything they want and i don't think thiink it's good to always be instantly gratified all the time.

I was watching Good Morning America and the topic was - should teenagers be allowed to use a credit card or debit card. My first reaction was "no" from my husbands own recklass use of them. But then they started to explain that you can get them a card with limits and one where you have to pay the balance every month, like American Express. They said it's important they pay off the balance themselves and sit down with a parent to discuss the statement and balance their bank account. So I changed my mind near the end of the show, that it's a good idea to give them a low limit card to teach them, how to use it properly. I think they should teach finances and relationship communication in schools.

I think the mistake is having credit cards and not knowing how to handle them. I think it's extremely important parents teach their kids how to handle finances, like your parents did for you. I don't think your BF's parents are doing him a favour paying for his insurance and cell phone. When you get married I don't think his parents will continue this and then you'll be the only one who knows how to balance your budget. He'll need to learn how to cut down his spending and you'll have to be on his back about it.

[angie2716]

My husband is the same way. He wants to buy the most expensive stuff. And I don't ever buy anything for myself. If I do I feel bad then think I could have spent that money on the kids. So that's why I don't buy anything.

[KadenCares]

alot of products now adays have energy star rating. which means they are less costly.
now if your power bill is increasing, and you feel you are an "energy nazi", check with the rating of your electric/water heater and refrig, to see if this unusually cold winter may be to blame for some of these expenditures.

with that said.
give me a flower arrangment, made of dried flowers, sprayed with clear krylon paint, and arranged with care and Love ,,, 'cept for it could become a cat play toy after a day or two. LOL.

glad you did get an offset of the bills though. jussssssssssssst, think if it is moreso your major electricity bandits are outta date , more than your bf's toys.

O!! btw,, i agree. can't see the dif from hd to analog.> flatscreen, or othewrwise. i stream on my pc. lol.