[ShadowMaiden23]

I dated a guy off and on for three years, and was totally oblivious to many of his problems (or I just outright refused to acknowledge their existence) for most of the time we were going out. The second time we broke up, a dear close friend of mine suggested that my ex might be narcissistic. He was basing this observation based off of personal experience related to his father, who was diagnosed as having a narcissistic disorder by their family psychiatrist. I kind of saw what he was talking about, and even agreed for the most part, but it was wierd. Whenever I went back to my ex and hung out with him (we tried to be friends) I forgot all of the manipulation, all of the slights, and all of the arguments where he couldn't possibly be wrong and how we had had a perfectly good relationship, and that I was just too emotional and had to stop getting mad at him. We ended up back together, and broke it off finally for sure this past December.

However, I am finding myself getting drawn back in. We hang out a lot together again, and I talk to him on the phone a lot. He doesn't exhibit his narcissistic behavior all the time, and still does a lot of really sweet things for me. If I ignore his less civil comments, we get along perfectly.

I know he's not good for me, and I know I don't want to be with him the rest of my life. But even knowing all of this, and talking to my friend about what his mother went through in the 20yrs she stayed married to her husband, it all just disappears when I'm with him or talking to him. I don't really know how to keep my head on straight around him. It's probably a bad thing that I'm still really in love with him.

Are there any other people out there who could give me any advice? Also, I've never had a long term relationship before him, so ending it is something I don't really know how to do permanently, so any advice there would be wonderful.

Thankyou everyone!

[salukigirl]

That's the thing is that people with personality disorders (narcissism being one of them) are extremely charismatic. My ex is the same way. He would lie about going to his ex's house, talking to her and lie about other stuff and he was never wrong either. But every time I tried to leave he would smooth talk his way back into my life. It took a few months of wanting to go before I finally just was finished with it. And even a year later he would text me! Randomly. And I would ALMOST fall for it. I could still feel myself wanting his attention but I just told myself that I knew what he was really like and I ignored him. People like that, you seriously have to remind yourself of all the things he has done to you. Because he WILL do it again. Good luck

Hello, ShadowMaiden23. Are you seeing a therapist? Your profile list of concerns invites the attention of professional help.

Good luck.

[firstmate]

I tried being friends with an ex once. Then I realized that he was never really in love with me like I was with him. For a reason I don't want to go into here he couldn't get involved in a romantic relationship.

When we got back in touch he controled the conversations and talked only about what HE wanted to talk about. He wasn't really interested in my life, just too insecure to make other friends so he wanted me to fall back on when he wanted to talk.

In a moment of strength I told him what I really thought of what he was doing to me and he contacted me twice since then, the last time was almost two years ago now.

The strenght I had then is gone now, but so is he. And good riddens. I have a good relationship with a man who loves ME the way I need to be loved, not what's convenient for him.

You are the person who knows best what you need. Don't settle for less.

[Perna]

The only way I have found to move on is to move on. I was fortunate and got a new job that helped me some with other things to do. It took me a good six months or more to get over my boyfriend though and involvement with other people before everything was okay.

If I were you, I'd make a big enough change, like a new job or moving, joining a group or taking classes that will keep you occupied enough to not have much time to "hang out" with him.

[Envision]

At least your honest that you are attracted to some of these situations/personality's instead of many who just blame him for everything. You have feelings for him and that's what keeps your interest. You can only change yourself and the unknown of finding someone else often can push you right back where you started and were not happy. Read your post again, I think you answered your own question. Good luck and keep us updated.