[ellewoods212]

I am new here; I was posting at a different board until I realized that this is probably a better place. I will start by saying that my father was a serial cheater. The 17years he was with my mom he probably was faithful 5 of those 17 years. He would leave us, I even have a half sister that is MONTHS younger than myself.there was even a time when I was 6 that a classmate said she had seen my father making out with a younger lady and I came home told my mom, she made me ask my father and he denied it.(which obviously true). I did not find out about any of his cheating antics until I was older and for some reason my mother decided to tell me all the horrible things he put her through. Mind you, my father was my KING until then.. Im pretty young still but I have a good job, Im in college, my own place and two beautiful kids( from a relationship that lasted 5yrs) ..

Im currently dating a guy that was my bestfriend . A guy that his last gf was in highschool and the whole time I was in a relationship he was basically waiting for me .

Problem is, that Im insecure to the 100th power, I always think that if my dad let his family down anyone can. I OBSSESIVELY snoop. I feel BAD when my bf doesn’t text me all day long (while hes at school and while Im at work) if for any reason hes quiet I assume he doesn’t like me. I start asking questions it doesn’t matter how many times he says there is nothing wrong I will keep asking. It is really taking over my life. If he doesn’t text me all day or stays out late for whatever reason I think the worse and I cant help but to interrogate…its really sad….because Im makin MYSELF sad while hes ok and is living his daily life normally..

[ruffy]

Elle,
I remember when I first discovered my parents werent perfect. I was devastated. Its just a part of life. They are people too and make big mistakes. I understand where your obscession and insecurity comes from. I think a good therapist could probably help you immensly and maybe some good self help books. You need to find a way to heal the hurt and forgive your father. It hurts us when we see others, especially family, hurt eachother.

Hello, ellewoods212. I agree with ruffy. Getting help may allow you to stay in a relationship with one you describe as your best friend.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/per...2/METHOD=print

Good luck.

[jenkins09]

Problem is, that Im insecure to the 100th power, I always think that if my dad let his family down anyone can. I OBSSESIVELY snoop. I feel BAD when my bf doesn’t text me all day long (while hes at school and while Im at work) if for any reason hes quiet I assume he doesn’t like me. I start asking questions it doesn’t matter how many times he says there is nothing wrong I will keep asking. It is really taking over my life. If he doesn’t text me all day or stays out late for whatever reason I think the worse and I cant help but to interrogate…its really sad….because Im makin MYSELF sad while hes ok and is living his daily life normally..

Been there. I could be wrong but it sounds to me like your having transference. Your putting the fears and feelings you have towards your dad onto your new boyfriend. And the last thing you want to do is push him away. I would be honest with him about your dad and how you feel.

By doing this you will give him a "window" into your life so that he can see why you act the way you do. I would also suggest you read a book called "receiving love." It changed my life. Good luck.