[Jenn1fer82]

I am in a dilemma with my 19 year old brother. Last summer he got into DUI car accident that he should have died. He was the passenger where the both of them were drunk. Our family hired an attorney to sue the car insurance to ensure that my brother receives all the compensation owed to him. Almost a year later the case is finally closed and he received more than what our family expected. The entire process was put upon my shoulders. No one else was there for him to attend each and every doctor visit and all the dialogue was between me and the attorney. I sweated and stressed over this entire process. Before he got his settlement I asked him if he can help me by giving me what he could of his settlement. He said yes but just wasn’t sure how much. Well now that he got $20,000 I asked him if I can have 2,000 he asked why and what for. I said I have a $5,000 student loan and this would really help me. He said he doesn’t know about that but $1,000 could be okay. I asked him if he’s going to think of me any differently and he said no. I only asked him because when he first found out how much he was going to get he made a comment, “now everyone is going to swarm to take my money.” Ever since I asked him if he can give me the money he said he would, he hasn’t spoken to me, and he won’t even look at me. I have a gut feeling he does think of me differently now. I’m so upset that he could ever think of me that way when out of everyone I was the one who stood by his side to help him through all the medical and insurance problems. How do I deal with this and how should I talk to him?

[jenkins09]

Dont take the money. Let him know you can pay your student loans off yourself. You did what any decent family member would do and supported him during his time of crisis. I hope it all works out for you, money shouldnt come between family.

it is important that when you give or help others that you do it freely and with no expectation of return. that's what giving is. being there for your brother doesn't mean that he is now obligated to help you financially. it's great if he wants to though.

[perpetuallysad]

I think the two other posters are correct. Though you may feel you "need" the money, the thing you did was done out of kindness, not out of the expectation of payment.

Believe me, money can seriously mess up family relationships. I would drop it and honestly not worry about it. Right at this second, $20,000 may sound like a lot, but it will go very, very fast.

Good luck with this.

I think you should've taken the 1,000 and had been happy with that. You shouldn't even had asked him for money. It's free money and you're the one who sounds greedy thinking if he had $20,000 than he should be able to give you $2,000 and that somehow you "deserve" it for being there for his appointments or whatever. It probably came across that you were there for him because you were hoping to get money out of it..like you have some moral right. If he wanted to give you money, he should've been the one to offer it to help you out rather than you going to him asking for it.

The only way you'll probably be able to make it up to your brother and get that relationship back is to admit you were wrong. Think of it this way.. If he didn't get any money..you would've had to pay off your student loans another way..right..

Money changes people on both sides. People who have it become tighter and people around them want it. You did exactly what he said was going to happen..once he got it..you "swarmed" to take it and get a share.

Jenn1fer82, it would have been nice if your brother had acknowledged your contribution without asking. I think you are getting a bad rap here. Nonetheless, since your brother has spoken, maybe it is time to move on.

Good luck.

[perpetuallysad]

Aw Byz, I wasn't fussing at her. I can understand the feeling of not having your help acknowledged, which I am guessing is what she's feeling. I just know that family and money don't mix. Just like friends and money don't mix.