[SmackytheFrog]

My boyfriend constantly denies that I am depressed and I'm just wondering how I should deal with this? He's very supportive and comforting when I'm having a breakdown or an attack, but he just doesn't seem to realize the magnitude of how I feel inside. I've tried to be open with him about it and discuss things that the counsellor has said, but he pretty much just brushes me off.

Is he in denial because he doesn't want to feel like he's failed me in some way? Even though its far from that?

[embracinglife]

He might be. Keep trusting what you feel is right, and don't let his opinions of what you are going through or not affect your recovery.

I don't know why a significant other would want to be in denial about their partner, but maybe what you say is right that he feels he has failed in helping you (which would be an unrealistic expectation)....or he just doesn't want to admit you need the help you say you do. Maybe he sees something of himself in you, and doesn't want to admit he may need help too. (I don't know situation, just guessing)

[salukigirl]

I didn't vote bc I don't think situations like this are simple enough to be summed up in one short sentence like that. First off, how long have you guys been together? Second, you said he is very supportive whenever you are having a tough time but STILL doesn't understand just how bad you feel? Does it feel like he is only being supportive bc he knows he should? I think if he were really empathizing with you, he still may not understand, but he wouldn't brush it off.

For some people, my family included, depression just isn't real. My dad doesn't know I've been to a T or been on anti-depressants. Bc I know if I told him he would lecture me on how doctors are only trying to fill me with pills and all of it is non-sense. Do you think he may be like that?

Or, maybe he holds you up to higher standards and up on a pedestal. If he thinks you are above everything he may have a hard time admitting you are human and you have your faults or flaws like everyone else. And I'm not saying you are guilty of anything for suffering from depression, but that may be his view. You could be his superwoman. And seeing the woman he holds above all else being in that situation, could feel like a blow to him. Just like if a man is the main bread winner in a family and doesn't want to admit to his wife if he got laid off or demoted or something else. To that family, the man is the superhero. And having that taken away can be even more devastating to the other people in the family, than the individual its happening to.

Does that make sense? The second one is my the more logical in my opinion. Only bc my own bf has admitted doing the same to me. He flat out says he holds me up on this pedestal and above everyone else. Which is nice having a guy who basically worships the ground I walk on. But, at the same time, I'm only human. So it's hard for him to see me crying or breaking down over something. That's why I mention it.

I hope you both can get to the root of the issue. This is a situation that can allow you both to grow as a couple together and create an even stronger bond than what you already have. Hopefully, that is the outcome.

[SmackytheFrog]

Thanks guys, I hope you're right.

[SmackytheFrog]

I talked to him today and when I suggested the theory of him feeling like he'd failed me he smiled and told me to shut up. That would be a yes in Tom-nese :P So I have my answer.

However when I tried to talk to him about it and explain the sources for my depression he shrugged me off again and dodged the matter. I guess he's still not comfortable with the diagnosis... or he's just not into heart to heart talks lol

[salukigirl]

Can you guys have "heart-to-hearts" about other things or is he just generally stand-offish when it comes to that kind of thing?

I'm glad you got your answer even if it did require interpretation lol.I hope you can get him to open up and be a little more open to talking about it.

[SmackytheFrog]

Its just the depression he has a hard time talking about.