[outspoken]

I am struggling with yet another friendship. Maybe I give too much and maybe I say too much, who knows. I am just so tired of this happening, I am tired of crying about not having friends. I am a dedicated person, would give my time, or anything else that it took to help someone. But I sometimes, okay a lot of times I say things my husband says I shouldn't. I don't see what the problem is in being honest about something. I have a friend who is outspoken too, she says she tells people "if you don't really want to know what I think, don't ask" but then I am this way also. One of the reasons I thought we clicked. But on the other hand, she claims to be sensitive too. You can't be both. If you have the mind set of being outspoken then you have to be able to take what comes back to you. I call this being "unbalanced" and there are a lot of people out there like this. If you are sensitive then be sensitive and don't say things to people that will provoke a response and get mad about it.
I shared something with her husband about some business we did together. I didn't tell her because she told me if someone said something about the way she did something she got upset and hurt feelings so I left it up to him to handle. I wasn't rude, I said we are friends but I don't want you to look at this as a friend to a friend. Look at it as if I am a client and hear my feedback. So he did and claimed he appreciated what I said and that he'd get back to me and she's mad about it now I guess. I really don't know because she isn't calling me. In the meantime his wife, my friend won't call. I called her and asked if she was okay and why she wasn't calling and she said I've been depressed. Well okay I get that. So I called for the next two or three times to ask if she wanted to go for lunch or shopping or something. She did. But that's it. I don't like one sided friendships and I feel if that's what this is going to be most of the time, I can't do it. You need to recepicate sometimes and not expect the other person to always be there and beg you to get out of the house. That's not the type of person I am. I won't allow myself to get tied into this kind of victim mentality. Get off your butt and do something about it. I got off all my med's for depression, I figure, me and God will deal with it. And that has been working for me. I realize that doesn't work for everyone and I am patient with people to a point. But after that, I just can't be. I don't like to be around depressed folks all the time and I must admit sometimes she gets to me, doesn't smile, doesn't laugh and I wonder why she asks me to go places with her because she doesn't seem to be enjoying herself and neither do I but I try to make the most of it. So what's the point. There for awhile things were going well, but then she got on more med's and I think this has had a adverse effect on her. I mentioned this to her and she didn't think so. But when she picked me up one morning at 7:30 she was driving erratic, confused about where she was suppose to drive, went on the wrong side of the road almost. And at night she almost drove into a light post, claiming she didn't see it. So I called her daughter and her husband out of pure concern for her. His comment to me was "we are just watching for right now" Well how long are you going to watch and not do anything about it. I won't say anything else it's not my business my husband said and told me I shouldn't have called. Really, she's a friend, why shouldn't I be concerned? I get my one medications for ADD from a Psy. that's what the insurance says I have to do. I don't mind because he's actually a pretty cool guy. I told him what all my friend took before going to bed and he just about fell out of his chair and said she's being over medicated, the doctor should be wrote up for this. It's an outrage to those of us who try to actually help people, not kill them. Seriously, this is what he said. I told her daughter that my doctor thought she was taking way too much, I left it on her answering machine. I think if she dumped hafe the med's she takes, she'd be a lot happier personally but I'm not a doctor and she' s bipolar so she says. So is my daughter but she doesn't take anything either says she feels better without it. I think some people just like to be medicated and have the idea in there head that they can't function without it. I believe in positive thinking and forcing yourself at times to get out of bed, to take that walk and do things to improve your state of mind. This friend wants to do nothing and therefore she is depressed as a direct result of NOT doing anything. Anyway, I am just frustrated and wanted some feedback. One more friend thing. I met this lady at church, she's my age, but single. I told her I wanted friends and didn't think I was very good at and needed prayer so we prayed. After this we had lunch alot and became friends I guess you would say. She shared with me that she has had this friend for years, a male and they get into it sometimes and he calls her names. So they text back and forth and it seems to me she likes this. She has other friends too, seems to be real popular and friendly. But doesn't want to get too close to me I don't think. I 've been there for her and listened to her cry about how people treat her and I think I have been a very good friend. When it came to me emailing her and telling her how I felt the tables turned, she told me she didn't think she could be the friend I needed and she was sorry. I wasn't even talking about her, I told her she misunderstood what I was saying and thats why I hate email. She never calls me and hardly ever answers the phone when I call. She isn't a friend I can rely on yet I was there for her. So here I am I can be a good and loyal friend but when it comes to having the same, I can't get it and for the life of me I don't get why! Sorry I am babbling now just frustrated.

[Sameera]

Your doc is right, she is being over medicated. An adverse effect of certain medications or combinations of medications is a severe decrease in attention span, the ability to concentrate, lack of focus, and confusion. This also has effects on memory.

I don't know who her doc is but someone should slap them for doing something so dangerous. It doesn't just effect her mood, ability to function, and her relationships. It can cause her injury or death from an accident. They must have been sleeping during the pharma classes in med school, I would say that they need to be reported, reprimanded and if they have done this a number of times, lose their license. It is horribly irresponsible of them.

Sorry, I had to get that out of the way first. It bothers me to hear things like that. As someone studying to go into mental health care and someone who is/has been a patient myself, things like this just get to me.

Relationships are touch, finding someone who can really be a good friend isn't easy. I know quite a few people but I only consider maybe 3 people in all the world as very good friends. It takes time, effort and a bit of luck to find someone you can really get along with and can count on.

Don't get too discouraged. Sure it can be a pain sometimes but don't give up trying to make friends. It only takes finding that one person that you can really connect with to make it all worth it.

I hope things get better for you and good luck in your search.

[shezbut]

Wow Outspoken,

You said a lot...It was kind of tough for me to get through to the core.

I think that you were saying that you did feel as though you and a friend had a lot in common until pretty recently. You are unsure what the cause of the change is, but you suspect that her doctor has put her on dangerous levels of medicines. Correct? This med change has caused frustrating and concerning behavior in your friend.

Hope that I've gotten the gist of it.

What struck me in your post was a lot of frustration with your friend. The driving events are disturbing, as is her low mood. An Aunt of mine is bipolar, and there are differing degrees of mania and depression. One universal trait is the intensity of those moods. People who suffer from severe depression can best relate to it ~ but their's is more intense and comes fast! You can't bring someone up from severe depression by taking them for a ride, to a movie, or whatever. It is a major chemical change occuring inside of their brains. If you haven't ever experienced severe depression, imho, you cannot possibly imagine the constant deluge of terrible thoughts.

I applaud you for being concerned. Looking for some way to help her feel better. In my experience, it isn't that easy. I wish that it were! Our bodies change throughout our lives, and for whatever reason, what did work before suddenly stops. And then comes changes & trying to get a hold over manic and/or depressive symptoms. Maybe you should step back from this relationship a bit. Put more time in yourself or your marriage. Send a kind line every now and then (without expecting response) to let her know that you do still care. Hopefully, the symptoms will soon get brought under control.

The medication thing ~ that's really individual. Some people do require more meds than others. Many build up immunities to certain types of meds, and require huge dosages to have any impact on the symptoms of the illness. You've let everyone involved know your opinion and experiences of your friend on the increased med's, and there really isn't much more that you can do. Just step back and try to get more centered.

Very best wishes to you ~ I hope things improve very soon!