[Tatyana2009]

I went on a date today. This was the 3rd date (over a period of 2 weeks). It was going well. Nice guy, clever and polite. Each time we went to a very nice place and had a nice chat over drink / food. In between he called / texted and said he was looking forward to seeing me. It appeared that we were looking for the same thing - to find a partner to marry and start a family. We both value the same things and both educated to the same level. We work in similar fields. He has a good job with good income.

Well - we went to this bar/restaurant with live latino band. The place was great. Had nice chat over a drink and he wanted to dance but I did not feel like it. Anyway - at around 11pm I went to the ladies. When I came back he was not there. Our 2 drinks were on the table but he was no where to be found. I was kind of shocked and surprised. I thought that if he went to the toilet its wierd that he did not wait till I was back before he went, especially leaving the 2 drinks on the table like that... Anyway - I waited 15 mins, asked the couple who sat next to us if they had seen him - no they did not. I went upstairs (as did not have reception down stairs where we were sitting) and phoned him. No answer. I went down stairs and waited another 10 mins and left the place. This is in the middle of London - very busy and people drinking everywhere, middle of the night. I could not believe he had just left me there... When I called from the street he said that something really bad has happened and he cannot talk and he will call me in 2 minutes. I was so angry. I said 'dont bother' and put the phone down, walking to the station. I then got a text from him saying 'my friend has had an accident!!! On way to gospital!'

Well - I am still shocked how he just left me there. I find it unbelievable. It feels like he did a runner... And that text - as if that is true... and if it is - why couldn't he talk when I called... and why not wait till I am back from the ladies and tell me he has to go or leave a msg with the waitress or with the couple sitting next to us. It all just looks so bad. I guess I should be thankful as it is a lucky escape but I am just so shocked that had to share this with you guys. Especially because things were going well. Just 20 mins before I went to the ladies he was talking about going out for dinner next time we meet, and asking me what to buy his sister for her birthday. I dont get it. And I am so angry!

[lynn P.]

I don't blame you for feeling this way. You're right he could have waited 5 min. until you came back or like you said, left a message with someone. I don't think waiting 5 min would have made a difference anyways. I can just imagine how puzzled you felt. Sorry your night ended this way ((Tatyana2009)).

[Tatyana2009]

Thanks Lynn. I just cannot believe it. How low does one get.... There is no excuse for this behaviour. And I think the accident never happened... Like you said - why not wait 5 mins. Its something you do when you are with someone.

[lynn P.]

I agree - if he really had an emergency, he could have told the waitress to go to the ladies room and tell you to come out right away, so he could tell you he had to go. There's no excuse not to wait 5 min. I hope he didn't leave you with the bill.

[Tatyana2009]

No, he did not leave me with the Bill. We were paying as went along. One round on him, the next on me.

I really could not believe it when I got back and he was not there. Especially as when I got into the ladies I thought to myself - he is a nice guy... Then I come out - and he is gone. The couple that sat next to us were shocked when I told them... They waited with me for a bit, thinking, too, that he may have gone to the toilet and will be back in a sec.

And when I rang him - no apology. And none in the text. What a jerk....

[NuckingFutz]

Sorry this happened to you. Understandable that you would be shocked, angry, and puzzled especially. Sounds like this guy does not know how to communicate the hard stuff well. Safe hugs to you.

[Belle1979]

Tatyana sorry this happened..He sounds like a jerk and you deserve so much better xx

[Tatyana2009]

Thanks both! Anyone deserves better. Better is not hard... This is the lowest behaviour I have seen on the dating scene...

How can someone behave like this is beyond me.

[Envision]

If this is the lowest you've seen, then you haven't dated much. Of all the things that can happen, you should feel lucky you found out this early that it wasn't a match. Disappointment of this will soon fade.

[Tatyana2009]

Thanks Envision.

I have no disappointment whatsoever. I am glad it happened 3 dates in. I was shocked and angry though. Yes, it is the worst I have seen on the dating scene. Not including behaviour in actual relationships that is...

Certainly dont feel lucky...

Wow..I wouldn't care what the reason was either. No excuse. Even if the "hospital" excuse is true - it could've been handled differently. He could've called you while you were in the bathroom. He could've walked towards the ladies room, banged on the door if it was a one person bathroom.... found someone going into the bathroom to tell you he was there and needed to talk to you... etc.
You don't just get up and leave unless by some unlikely coincidence he was looking out the window and saw his friend have an accident.

[Tatyana2009]

Yes, that is exactly my thoughts Mocha. Or he could have said something to the couple who sat next to us or to the waitress or barman.

I am sure the accident is just an excuse he came up with. I think he realised that I am not easy pray, that I am - despite of my age of 35 and looking for serious relationship - quite sensible and checking him out, so the power was not quite there for him the way he wanted... so he just left. I think a guy that can do something like that is also dishonest so he probably lied about things.

What a lucky escape. So in that sense - I am lucky

[Envision]

Now you're getting my point, and I'm sure in a few days you will feel even luckier that this happened now than if you had been on 10 dates or dated for a few months and it then happened. The harsh reality of the single scene is that it is a jungle. All you can do is look back and see if anything you did was not acceptable to the way you wanted to portray yourself. Trying to figure out why he did that is an exercise in futility as you'll never know and even if you did find out it still probably wouldn't make sense. Concentrate on the next potential date. Just my opinion from someone who's been there.

[Tatyana2009]

Yes, you are right. Thats exactly what I am doing. I dont actually care why exactly he did that. There is no excuse and it is a louzy behaviour. It is just interesting to realise the power games in situations and learn from them so I am learning...

I was me throughout. I am a polite, honest, kind and considerate person, with confidence and intelligence. So I am sure it was not anything about me and what I did. And if it was - in his eyes- than his probablem. You still dont run away like that...

[50guy]

I suspect........he got an important call alright. WIFE, or significant other...asking where are you, I called your work and they said you left. He bailed out of there fast.

[marjan]

I'm so sorry...such a jerk....and yes, thank god, he showed his true face in the third date not after couple of years!!!!!

There is no excuse for his behavior at all....if even his mother was going to die, he could have still waited a few minutes or leave you a note, or just come and knock the lady's room or txt you.....

but in flip side, I think he saw somebody in the bar that he could have not waited there at all....hmmm....such a player....My ex-boyfriend's friend was married and he was on the online dating site....can you believe that? he had two little kids and he didn't want to leave his wife....they even had good relationship....but he was on the online dating site, meeting poor single women giving them hope....and even he was taking photo of them and sending them to my ex-boyfriend to prove that he's dating.....my ex-boyfriend was so mad at him....he even wanted to tell his wife....

Just don't give up on finding that special person....because he's out there looking for you....

take care
Marjan

[Tatyana2009]

Marjan, thanks. Yes - I am well aware of the commitment phobs who cheat / lie / mislead / flee the scene...

Its could be anything. It could be he saw someone at the bar (high likelihood), it could be he got a call from wife/gf (unlikely as I think this type of men are rarely married but who knows - your story prooves it), it could be that he got a call from a friend who went partying and it was more appealing, it could be that he understood that I am not a fool and see through him, it could be that because I did not answer his initial msgs to me he decided to retaliate, it could be that his friend had an accident (not really....), and it could be that he lied about lots of things to create and image and felt that he cannot keep it up because I kind of saw through it (very likely). In any case - what matters is that he left a woman at a bar at 23:00pm and ran away. Reason does not really matter. He is a jerk and I think if someone can do something like that they are also dishonest people and I am so glad I found out the truth so quickly.

I now laugh at this really... he ran away... its really funny. I was shocked at the night and it certainly was not funny but now - he is a joke.

I kind of dont care now (nothing to do with him) whether I will meet someone or not. Maybe I am meant to always love my ex and never fall in love again, maybe I will meet someone else... who knows... what ever happens - I ll be fine. Thanks again Marjan xxx

[marjan]

Originally Posted by Tatyana2009

maybe I will meet someone else... who knows... what ever happens - I ll be fine. Thanks again Marjan xxx

I like your attitude...and I want to add another thing to your list...maybe he's just crazy....hehehe....just don't let him to stop you from dating...not everybody is the same!

and truly, it is funny...good that you are laughing at him...and please ignore all his future emails and textes....I thought usually girls do that....it was a restaurant in Toronto that they had a sign in the lady's washrooms saying that "you can use the backdoor if you don't like your date!"....hehehe.....

this guy doesn't have any respect for anybody! that's very rude to do such a thing in any culture and any situation....no excuse for him rather than dead of him

[Tatyana2009]

Ho, thats not a maybe (the crazy bit) - thats a certainty lol

No guy will stop ever stop me doing what I want to do.

My ex is the love of my life. We had a true connection and intemacy. And he did not stop me from doing what I wanted to do. So no man ever will! Its the way I was brought up. You matter most! And yes - I know not everybody is the same. Though I think its easy to loose sight...

You are right. He has no respect for himself.

I know he wont text or call and I am happy he does not. I would not have picked it up anyway.

He was also very short with a small frame and I am a very confident person - I think it has something to do with that.

He told me several things that I am sure were a lie:
His sister is pregnant and just got married
His ex and him split up becuase she did not want to have a baby (ya... right)
He has a phd
He manages 20 people and reports to the company partner (after that it changed to managing 6 people and reporting on issues...)
He considers himself as meditarenian but only speaks English (with dark visage)
He has been single for 3 years (that changed to 1.5 years later)

So - a joke...

[ruffy]

I have to agree with 50guy, Your dates wife probably called.
That guy is probably the one going to the hospital after she gets done jacking him up!!!!

[Tatyana2009]

I dont think so - but who knows....

[Belle1979]

Well rid of him I think - but I would be shocked if that happened to me... I like that you can look on the funny side of it now Tatyana xx

[Kaitlyn]

Usually if someone can't keep their story straight then it usually means they're lying.
The ONLY ways it's possible to go from managing 20 people and going to the co-owner/administrator to managing 6 people and just dealing with issues is if he got demoted at work or 14 people were fired all at once or both things happening at the same time (highly unlikely).

Did he say what college he got his Ph.D. from and what subject he got the Ph.D. in? (That can easily be traced by looking up the college online and seeing if they offer Ph.D. degrees in that subject (that is if that college actually exists!) also you can contact the administrators and ask if someone with his name ever attended the college if any of those three things comes up with the answer "no" then he's lying)
...... as for him breaking up with his ex because she didn't want a baby if he was TRULY in love with her then he wouldn't have broken up with her (I have an uncle who's been living with his girlfriend since I was little and when she said she didn't want a child he stayed with her even though he considered becoming a father down the road if the relationship didn't work out).

I TOTALLY understand what it's like. I met a guy online (through an online dating site) and we talked online and through letters and after a while he stopped responding back to me and I finally had to leave him a message on his voice mail and at his job and he finally emailed me back saying that he couldn't do it and that he and his ex got back together (that was a week AFTER he left me hanging in IM while I was having a panic attack!). The last thing he and I talked about was getting together and then I got the email saying for me to quite calling him (I had only called him twice after he told me I could call him if I needed someone to talk to!). It hurt so badly....and to leave me hanging like that. The worst part is that he kept going to the dating web-site while he and I "together" and right after he dumped me. I didn't even know he was even considering getting back in touch with his ex..... I didn't even know he had an ex. He told me that he had to sell his truck in order to go to college online (he was even working at the time and some online colleges will let you make payments) and that he had to have friends drive him around if he needed to go shopping. I still don't know how he was able to get to and from work without a car/truck.

Kait

Ph.D - The old Piled higher and Deeper.

[marjan]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Ph.D - The old Piled higher and Deeper.

LOL......I can't stop laughing....you are so funny....hehehehe....
I had to google this and I found it in Wikipedia....I loved it...wanna read the book....will go to Borders to find if they have a copy of it....

I loved this quote most:

The title of the comic comes from an old joke about becoming a Ph.D., which explains that if one knows what "B.S." stands for (in this context, "********"), then "M.S." stands for "More of the Same" (or "More ****"), and "Ph.D." stands for "Piled Higher and Deeper".

and here is the link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piled_Higher_and_Deeper

I have B.S. and whenever I say that I think about "********" and I laugh!!!!