[just_a _lil_gal]

im with my bf from 5 yrs, he is doin a job and keeps rly bz, we meet only once a week and he only calls once a day. we meet and only have sex. he doesnt take me newher like normal couples. what should i do! plz help me

[shezbut]

well, lil gal,

Do you ever do anything together on those days or nights that he's over? Like watching movies, baseball games, play cards, or talk? It's possible that your bf is using you simply for sex. It's possible that you are his escape from his stress.

It sounds as though you are unhappy with the way things are going between you two, have you ever tried talking with him about how you feel? What would it take to make you feel better? Him just taking you out every now and then, or are you wanting a larger committment?

Once you are able to decide precisely what you are wanting or needing from him, then you can work on appropriate ways of getting it. (ex: perhaps you want a diamond ring & he can't afford it; or you just need to hear that he loves you every day; etc.) Some wants can't be accomodated. Other wants can be entirely appropriate to expect some accomodation.

Hello, just_a _lil_gal. Why do you meet only once a week?

[Aunt Donna]

Something just doesn't sound right in this relationship. I would ask him where exactly the two of you stand. Have the two of you ever went out and did things together before he became real busy?

[just_a _lil_gal]

Originally Posted by faylowell

Something just doesn't sound right in this relationship. I would ask him where exactly the two of you stand. Have the two of you ever went out and did things together before he became real busy?

yes we use to go out, but nits rear. we evn went ffor vacations. we use to go shopping and meet his parents , but only if i persued. i smtimes feel he doesnt really like spending time with me, then y wud he want to marry me!, he says if we gwt married we wont have the issue of seeing each other, but wud it change how he treats me now! im so confused! :S

[just_a _lil_gal]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Hello, just_a _lil_gal. Why do you meet only once a week?

he has job from morn to night, he cnt make time. at least that wat he says, bt he has a mkt job so he dosnt need to be on the desk all the time, he go out for meeting, n may even finds sm leisure time in between. but he never meets me then. he always sees me in the weekennd , and most of the weekend we spend in his apartment. and then he drops me home. i dn like that all the time, if i ask him to go smwhere alse, he just says he is not feeling to.

Is this the way you want to spend your life?

[sugahorse1]

You don't mention how old you are, but I think our situations may be comparable to an extent. I'm 24 and have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. The difference is that we live together. And have been from nearly day one. If we were to get married, there really wouldn't be many, if any, changes in our relationship.
And that's how I expect a mature (and 5 years with a partner ought to be a mature relationship!) relationship to be.
Do you live close enough together to see each other most nights? If yes, then he needs to learn to commit more to this relationship; make him know how important he is to you.
Have you communicated how unhappy you are? I'd feel terrible if every time I saw my bf it would involve sex. This is definitely not the only way to express your love.
If you want to see more of him, make it known. Ask him how ready he is to commit to you. And let him know that marriage is not supposed to be a huge catalyst for change. He can live a "married" type of life with you right now just as well.

[just_a _lil_gal]

Originally Posted by sugahorse

You don't mention how old you are, but I think our situations may be comparable to an extent. I'm 24 and have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. The difference is that we live together. And have been from nearly day one. If we were to get married, there really wouldn't be many, if any, changes in our relationship.
And that's how I expect a mature (and 5 years with a partner ought to be a mature relationship!) relationship to be.
Do you live close enough together to see each other most nights? If yes, then he needs to learn to commit more to this relationship; make him know how important he is to you.
Have you communicated how unhappy you are? I'd feel terrible if every time I saw my bf it would involve sex. This is definitely not the only way to express your love.
If you want to see more of him, make it known. Ask him how ready he is to commit to you. And let him know that marriage is not supposed to be a huge catalyst for change. He can live a "married" type of life with you right now just as well.

we both r 25. and in our culture wwe r not suppose to live together b4 marrigehe lives in the same city. 1 hr away from my home. he doesnt evr make time to see me without d weekends. even in weekends he seems a lil laid back for the date. but on the other hand, he alws talk positive about us n very rearly take me to his friends and relatives. even he just gave me 2 hrs in my bday. he doesnt do any activities with me. alws seems bz with work. he says , he gets only one day off n want to spend it in his home and invites me ovr. the the rest is only sex na then he drops me home. i expressd my feeling and needs. but he thinks we r doing quite well. i want to be with him, bt not like this. how can i make him understand this is not the normal way of having a relatn! we r like this from 3 yrs, before that we used to hangout in differfent places. im feeling so hopeless

[just_a _lil_gal]

Originally Posted by just_a _lil_gal

he has job from morn to night, he cnt make time. at least that wat he says, bt he has a mkt job so he dosnt need to be on the desk all the time, he go out for meeting, n may even finds sm leisure time in between. but he never meets me then. he always sees me in the weekennd , and most of the weekend we spend in his apartment. and then he drops me home. i dn like that all the time, if i ask him to go smwhere alse, he just says he is not feeling to.

i dn want to live like this. but i kno i want to live with him. i want things to change

[just_a _lil_gal]

Originally Posted by shezbut

well, lil gal,

Do you ever do anything together on those days or nights that he's over? Like watching movies, baseball games, play cards, or talk? It's possible that your bf is using you simply for sex. It's possible that you are his escape from his stress.

It sounds as though you are unhappy with the way things are going between you two, have you ever tried talking with him about how you feel? What would it take to make you feel better? Him just taking you out every now and then, or are you wanting a larger committment?

Once you are able to decide precisely what you are wanting or needing from him, then you can work on appropriate ways of getting it. (ex: perhaps you want a diamond ring & he can't afford it; or you just need to hear that he loves you every day; etc.) Some wants can't be accomodated. Other wants can be entirely appropriate to expect some accomodation.

we use to hang out outside the sex life rearly, so.... once in a while. im nt a demandin gf. i nvr evn wanet a thing from him, he alws givin me gifts, i never ased for those. all i wanet is to spend time with him, do things together like normal ppl. but he dosnt feel like doing those cz he says he feels laid back, even if his friends invites us for sm activities , he dosnt go.i talkd abt all this, this makes him more furious n he says im creating issues out of nowher.!!! i smtimes feels too he uses me for stress rreliver. i hate it. i dn kno wat to do! im so scattered. bt i cnt leave him, i really love him.

[sugahorse1]

Well - you really need to talk to him. I'm 24 and I have a very clear picture of what I expect of a relationship. No, I do not have the perfect relationship, but when my boyfriend hurts me, I tell him. Often he doesn't even realise.
I need to tell him what I expect, and how I feel about certain things. The ball is then in his court to make changes or not.

Please remember: You cannot change a person. It's up to them to change. Unfortunately not all things that are nice are good for you. At some stage you need to take stock and decide if it is worth your time pursuing this relationship, or if it is taking too much out of you.
You have posted on this forum that you are unhappy, so maybe consider that this relationship may not be for you.

[Perna]

I do not see any indication that he will change if you get married. You might have him a bit more, late in the evenings, after work, or maybe less because he won't have the "issue" of seeing you once a week, etc. I think he is using you for his comfort and convenience. Why do you like him in particular? Just any one is not as good as a particular someone. I would look for someone who enjoyed being with you more.