hate being around my bf when he is drunk

I've told my bf before that I dislike being around him when he is drunk...I just totally shut down around him...I don't feel comfortable and I don't think its fun...I'm not a drinker. He told me that I was so innocent and that there is nothing wrong with him drinking.

He said he would stop doing it but low and behold I come to his house after my classes and he is drunk...I love being around him when he is sober and I told him this...but its just relaly annoying when he is drunk

he tries to hug or hold me when he's drunk and that just makes me feel grossed out...I don't know why I jsut want to push him away when he does that...

everytime I bring up the issue we start fightint and its major fighting...I hate it...so now I'm just silent and keep my mouth shut...when he tries to hug or hold me...I tell him I don't feel like it...he asked me why I was so mad an serious...I told him I'm not and that he's just trying to fight with me...so he goes to his corner and ignores me

its just so upsetting...we've been together 2 years...and we are happy together we are so happy and its the ebst thing ever...I don't know what to do...I know my parents dislike his drinking and they would not like him to be drunk around me

Is this a vent, or are you asking for advice?

Because if you want advice, I would seriously say dump this guy. He's going to keep on drinking. If it gets down to a choice between you and substance abuse, he's going to choose substance abuse. You can do better. Don't settle for this boozehound. Hold out until you've got a man worthy of you.

he just grabbed me and threw me to the ground

I'm afraid I'll never find a man who loves me

Hey,

Physical abuse is NEVER okay. You really need to get out of this relationship. You will find someone who loves you for you and respects your wishes. This man or young boy will continue to drink and thats his perogative. You knew he was a drinker when you got with him, you cant change another persons behavior.

Do you have a history of alcohol abuse in your family? is there a reason why your so sensitive to it? Its so cliche, but you have to love you and be okay with you before you can give that to someone else. I wish you the best.

My grandparents were alcoholics and my mom was abused...my mom and dad don't drink but my mom hit my sister. My sister is 20 years older than me...it was a long time ago...my sister's husband was an alcoholic and threw her down the stairs when she was pregnant. My nieces and nefew who were my age and were practically my sisters and brother were affected by this. They were taken away from me when I was only 12...they were the closest people to me...they moved about 5 hours away without notice...my sister got out of her house and moved with them. this affected me greatly and made me a very lonely cfhild. FOund it difficult to form relationships...

You will be grieving for awhile, myoasis89. Nonetheless, alcohol and abuse can be a deadly combination. He will beg you to come back. Promise you he will change and turn on the charm.

Please do not listen. Good luck.

I was going to recommend that you go to al-anon after your initial post, but after the domestic violence, I say get you and your child to a battered womens shelter ASAP.

I was going to say that you should not discuss the drinking problem while he is drinking but rather talk about it when he is sober. But then you wrote that he threw you to the ground. That is unacceptable no matter drunk or sober. If you intend to stay with him he needs to understand that pushing you is not okay.

fortunatly I don't have a child...he didn't injure me...he just grabbed me and pushed me to the floor...I got away before he injured me and shut the door in his face...he fell asleep drunk on his couch...but thanks for the concern

This has happened before...the first time...he raised his arm to slap me...but I pushed him away...he came walking really fast with his arm in the air and I stopped him...the second time...I did the damage...I felt a little woman inside of me grow bigger and say I'm equal to you and I punched and kicked him...I left bruises on his body...the third time...he was ready to kick the living daylights out of me...I got away before he did

It would be better to not have a man who loves you, than to have a man who says he loves you but abuses you.

You can go to an abuse shelter with or without a child, even if he didn't leave an injury. Just get away from him. Now. Please.

Because it will only escalate, and one of these days he WILL injure you, or worse.

I regret what I did to this day though...never would I have wanted to harm another human being...I felt worse the day I bruised him than the days he tried to hurt me...I was in the wrong and I take full responsiblity for it...its scarring...I'm scared to have a relaitonship...or to even get married...I don't want my children to be subjected to this...I know there are good men out there...but it seems every man I date...it turns out they are abusive to me...I ahve troubels distinguishing between abuse and real love

I stayed with this guy for on and off for 2 years

I don't really know if this is normal but I'm feeling really depressed after all of this...its just blraing in my face how much this guy really did not care...and he always talked about getting married to me and having babies...after the good times we spent together...I don't know if he even appreciated those times...I can't get myself out of bed and finding it hard to just do what I need to get done.

MyO, I think you are strong. I admire you. You did what you had to do to protect yourself. You have a lot of emotional healing to do. It is a process, allow yourself time to heal. I do not drink myself so I can relate to that. I do not like being around or being touched by drunk people. I do not think it is normal to want to be around someone who thinks, talks, walks and smells of alcohol. Some good ideas to help the healing along are to use us for emotional support whenever you need to. Also, use the internet to educate yourself on domestic violence. You will learn how to see "red flags" which are warning signs of what is to come. It will allow you to have better decisions about any relationship you enter into before strong emotions come into play. I would love to help you in your healing process in any way I can. I have gotten a lot of help with both being in a DV & alcoholic relationship. I have learned a lot. Would like to be able to help in anyway I can. Feel free to pm me if you like. Keep posting!

the abuse and drinking will only get worse. since you apparently are not living with him I would go home and make a clean break with this relationship. and I use that word loosely.

Please keep yourself safe, myoasis89

You're going to grieve the relationship for a while, but that's part of the healing process. Whatever you do, do NOT let loneliness or fear of being alone drive you back to him. Hold out until you have a man who treats you good and does not abuse you. Ever.

I got one. If I can, anyone can.