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#1
May 12, 2010, 07:57 PM
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I have been with my bf for about 14 years, 2 years ago we separated for 1 year over his lying and secret life. Now we have been back together for 1 year and back living together for about 4 months and I have just found out that he is back to keeping secrets from me when he had sworn to me he would always be honest with me after the fiasco of 2 years ago.
I have never doubted that he loves me but I am honest to a fault (get in trouble over it at times...too honest!) I always give the benefit of the doubt to people but when I am faced with lies, I completely loose it. I really dont know what to do.....right now I cannot even look at him, dont want him to touch me...I feel so betrayed....again.... Things had been going very well between us, just came back from a great holiday and we had so many plans for the future....really dont know what to do....All I know is I wont let depression get the better of me this time...I will continue on my path to happiness, with or without him...but what do I do??????really dont like being made a fool of.....and not being able to trust the person closest to me is hell. I cannot divulge the reasons for his lying but it has nothing to do with cheating.... How to trust again?? or just drop the asshole??????? |
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#2
May 12, 2010, 10:13 PM
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I don't see how you can stay in a relationship with someone you don't trust. The thing is how you feel. Love is, also, a factor. Do you love him so much you want to have a relationship with him? I am sorry I don't have a clear answer. It is a decision you have to make. I know it is tough. I have been married 24 years and we have had to have some serious discussions to make it, especially when one betrays a trust or you are really upset with something they have done.
__________________
He is still working me to make me what I ought to be... and does He have a job. Aunt Donna formerly faylowell  
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 AkAngel, idontknow13
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#3
May 13, 2010, 12:48 AM
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This will depend entirely on how much you want the relationship. Only you can answer that question honestly and you will probably need to spend some time thinking about it.
Trust will take time, especially if it was already lost once. There is no real way to make it magically come back, you will just have to build it over time, probably a lot of time. It will start with the little things, keeping small promises and the like and end up extending to the entire relationship. It is a process, some counseling would probably help a great deal but that is all up to you guys. If you decide that you do not want the relationship now then the best you can do is get out of it quickly and don't look back. Take the band-aid approach and get it over with. If you draw it out it will only make it a more difficult decision, stress you out even more and drag your mood, daily life and so on down with it. Good luck to you.
__________________
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine." - Ann Kring (Prof. at UC Berkeley) |
| idontknow13
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#4
May 13, 2010, 12:58 AM
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What can you do? (about what? What's real?) There isn't anything you can do to change reality. But you can make choices that are in your best interest. Trust is something important to you.
- Claire Quote:
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| idontknow13
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#5
May 13, 2010, 09:18 PM
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I guess the answer is: it is impossible, turn the page and let him live with his lives
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#6
May 13, 2010, 09:50 PM
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Start over with someone new.
Why trust him for a 3rd(?) time so he breaks it again? |
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#7
May 18, 2010, 12:18 PM
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I spent 13 years with a pathological liar. Unless they get help they will never change and you will always be hurting until it destroys you. I'm very sorry for your situation.
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#8
May 18, 2010, 08:48 PM
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Sometimes enough is more than enough.
Good luck. |
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