His decsion

Well my husband has decided to join the Army. He had joined it before when he was 18 but tested pos for marijuana so they kicked him out and told him he could'nt reapply for 10 years so that's what he did. Then he askes me about it. Of course I don't want to be an Army family. Don't get me wrong I think the military is great. But I don't want my husband to be in it. I told him my reasons and these are the reasons. 1) I do not want to be so far away from my oldest son. 2) I don't think I can be away from my husband for any amount of time he is what I consider my safe person if that makes any sense. 3) It's war time 4) His Crohn's would make it extra hard on him. He probably won't get to take pain meds for it. and 5) I don't want to uproot my youngest son. I tried to tell him all these things and he thinks I'm not being supportive. He thinks the Army is the only way to get a leg up money wise. I told him to go to collage or something. He want's to get into the technology field. He can do that here at collage. He says, " You wanna live like this just barley scrapping by forever?" I told him he ought to be thankful to have a job and a little money. He is thinking that the Army is going to solve all of our problems with money and give us a good future. And all I'm thinkin is were going to live in Texas or Georgia or N.C. Far away from the only place I have ever known. I panic thinking about it! I don't want that. I want to stay in Kentucky or at least some state close. He don't understand. He's doing it anyway. He asked for my thoughts on it and I told him and he got mad. If he did'nt want to know my thoughts and opinoins he should'nt have asked me. But he sure is hell ain't considering them. He makes me sound like an a-hole. Like I'm killing his dream or something. And being un patriotic. All that. But I'm not! I just don't feel comfortable with it. And I won't. What's going to happen is he's going to do this and I'll go along with it for a couple of years and eventually, it will cause me to not like him for making me do this. Then no tellin what. A divorce or seperation or some awful **** like that. Because he knows I do not feel comfortable with this. And he's done it anyway. He can't say he did'nt know because three days ago when he told me he was going to talk to the recruiter, I told him then. Then yesterday he filled out the paprwork anyway and I told him again. He's just damned hard headed

Wow, that is a big move for him to do that and not take your feelings into consideration. He had the chance to do that before he did the paperwork. Once he signed on the doted line though, it is not up to you no matter what you say. I was curious about his disease as they ask you about all medical issues and give you a physical before hand. Some illnesses are okay. From what you say, he sometimes needs pain meds. Basic training is very intense and will take everything he's got. They usually give info to the family about the military. Military is big on families and there are a lot of benefits for you and your kids. Not trying to sway you either way, but once he signs that contract, it is either acceptance or divorce unless he does not make it through basic or advanced individualized training. PM me if you want.

Thanks Yeah the way we understand it, there are alot of military men and women with Cronh's and other types of IBD. But the way it drags you down and kills all your energy I don't see how that's going to work with the basic and all. I never been through it, but I've heard from people who have that it is hellish on you. He has'nt signed the actual contract yet, he just filled out the paperwork on family history, past crime convictions and health info. The contract thing is next up. I don't know. It seems like in a way he's being one sided.

I understand that one sided think. Marriage is having to make decisions together not hey babe, take it or leave it. If he does not know that now, he will learn that in the military. Throughout my Army career, it was always groups of people learning to work together. It is never just the individual. That is why they have so many names for these people; squad, unit, platoon, company, battalion, brigade... If you have looked at any military websites yet? Just google Army websites and you will see what I mean. If he intends to go through with this, you really need to put your foot down. Or as they say in the military you need to stick a boot up his ***! Good luck and keep us posted.

I’m quite surprised that they will take him knowing that he has already been dx with Crohn’s Disease. My cousin is an Electronic Engineer, the story is long, but what it boiled down to is that because he had Crohn’s he was deemed medically unfit. I don’t know if there is a difference because he would have been going in with a commission rather than enlisted.

I chocked when I read this is the only way your husband thinks you can get a leg up financially. As a former dependant daughter and then dependant wife, I’m here to tell you we were never as poor as we were when my father was in the service or later when my husband was. It was a huge difference in standard of living that I noticed even at five years old.

We started out with NO debt, no car payment, no credit cards, we didn’t owe anyone a penny. After living off-base for 18 months (waiting for on base housing) we were in debt up to our ears. We lived in off base approved housing, and the housing/living allotments did not cover our rent or utility expenses. I made more money working at Burger King than my husband did as an E5.

Don’t get me wrong, joining the military is an honorable decision. This time next year my youngest son will be leaving for boot camp. There are many benefits to joining, but financial security really isn’t one of them.

I just did a search on whether a person can join the military with Crohn’s and every single site I looked at stated emphatically that Crohn’s was immediate grounds for disqualification. Check out www.military.com, the Join the military tab, step 7 Medical Disqualifications.

Yes, here's the official Army site/criteria:

http://www.military.com/Recruiting/C...dical,,00.html

I don't see how he can be in shape at 28 (if he just now decided to join) and having been in before and asked to leave.

The money thing made me scratch my head too; he'll only make $15,000 a year the first year and very little more the next couple; they'll only educate him well if he's staying; they're not going to give him prime education/job skills if he's going to be leaving in 4 years.

I confess I'd have to laugh if he comes to you in a few days and tells you he changed his mind; bet he doesn't get in and tells you he didn't want to be in because of your not wanting him to be.

Oh and the costs they don’t tell you about, like boots and uniforms (even their underwear must be up to standards). Even their daily uniforms were expensive. They MUST look brand spanking new and they must have a minimum of three complete sets (ready for inspection). The Army used to have a policy, in my dad’s time, that if something is worn or had a hole in it, it could be exchanged for a new one; or the cleaning of the uniforms. I kept one shirt that had been professionally cleaned and pressed on base and created a cardboard template to iron them myself (three creases down the back and one across the shoulders). God forbid something should happen to a dress uniform, a complete one could cost over $1,000 and that was 20 years ago.

I haven’t had a family member in the Army since my father, but I can tell you in the Navy, AF, and Marines this policy no longer exists if it ever did. The yearly uniform allotment did not come close to covering the expenses for daily uniforms. I remember dying my husband’s dungarees on a monthly basis trying to prolong their life so we didn’t have to put out the $30 a pair for new ones. The shirts had no tricks to extend their life, so they had to be replaced every couple of months. It was a very bad month when my husband’s boss would tell him that his shirt was “unsat” because it was faded. That meant cutting our food budget to Ramen to be able to scrape together money for them. One of the best things that could ever happen is that someone was getting out and you were able to find uniforms the right size in their yard sale.

I’m not trying to dissuade anyone from joining the military, but I believe they need to join with eyes wide open.

Thanks you guys. Your answers really helped me. My cousins husband is Marine and he has Crohn's but he's in there. Hopefully it's differant with Army cause honestly even though my husband is a physically strong and otherwise healthy person , I think that boot camp will make his Crohn's flare alot and the stress will too. And I'm going to tell him about the costs of it. Because I think you would make more money with a degree in something.

I'm going to second AAAAA's comment about poor. When I was in the military it was rough financially, so rough financially in fact that the $57 a month hazardous duty pay for voluneering for duty that brought you into harms way via a war zone or other such stupidy was actually a sought after billet. That's less than $2/day - that's how tight things were.

I will let you in on a little military secret though, key word being secret, they will tell you the opposite but it's bull... even if he signs the contract, if he doesn't show up they won't come after him. The military has no money invested into what is obviously going to be a problem child so they ignore it. He'll never be able to enlist again of course, but he'll face no charges or anything - the military's policy is that they aren't going to spend the money to prosecute him so they can disharge him. So if the alarm clock fails to go off on 'show up' day... oops.

Yep, tight is putting it mildly. Living in base approved housing (translation a dump) and not getting enough to cover just the basic expenses (rent and utilities) put us so far in the hole we couldn’t even see daylight. Hubby had the rank to live on base, but you sit on the list.

Which is another thing you have to consider and discuss with the recruiter thunderbear, what will his rank be once he’s finished school? You are not eligible for on base housing until E4 I believe. I could be mistaken, but there used to be a minimum rank. The Army used to be the best to make rank, but we’ve lived on Navy bases, Army bases, and Air Force bases. The Army and Navy could care less about the living quarters for enlisted. They’re dumps, the saying is that the Army builds tanks, the Navy builds ships and then uses what is left over for their housing (nothing). The Air Force builds their housing, then worries about their planes. Living on an AF Base was like a resort compared to the Army and Navy.

My son is planning on joining the Marines. He’s pretty determined, but I would much rather him join the Air Force, they take much better care of their people. He’ll be single, so it won’t be an issue. BUT we PCS’d stateside and they gave us TWO DAYS TLA (temporary living allowance for hotel), even though they knew we were coming and had reached the top of the housing list, it still took them 45 days to get us into on-base housing. Who will rent to you for 45 days? (Overseas is completely different of course).

Also, unless things have drastically changed in the last 20 years, YOU have to agree to let your husband enlist if you’re legally married.

There are many benefits to serving in the military, but each and every one is paid for literally with blood, sweat, and tears. There’s a reason it’s a young man’s game.