[FDM286]

What more can I say, I have been married to my wife for 22 years, have two great kids currently in college. I provide everything to my family (kids and wife) but my wife hates my relatives mainly my 3 sisters and 2 brothers.

Anytime that I talk to my family (who live overseas), my wife gets very angry, she absolutely hates them. She claims that I give them money secretly (which I do not), I only gave my brother some for his business which he returned to me after a year.

It has been 6 years since I saw my family overseas, and I am feeling so isolated. There is no getting through to her, she is stooping to some all time lows, exposing things in public and making scenes and I am furious, all we do is fight.

Long story short, something happened overseas between my relatives and hers, and my wife claims that my family disrespected her, called her names over the phone, and now she says that no one from my family can enter the house without her first getting an apology from every single one of my siblings! Above all, my sister sent a gift parcel to my wife in hopes to patch up things, but my wife she sent it back!

She calls me names, calls them names, doesn't cook anymore, there is nothing I can do. I miss my family, and my wife claims that she needs an apology from every single one of my relatives. She went to my work and embarrassed me by making a scene, and has outrageous claims that can not be true.

I would love for some insight on this, and am open to suggestions.

[jenkins09]

She sounds very controlling and wants to isolate you from anyone in your life that may care about you. My wife used similar tactics against me. She is very controlling, slowly removed all my friends and family from my life (she said they were rude, would cause me moral decay, etc) and wanted all my time.

I felt more like an accessory in her life, rather than her husband. Your wife sounds like a bully, plain and simple and dont get in twisted, there are a lot of men in abusive relationships.

Are you open to couples therapy? what are you getting out of your marriage? I hope it works out for you. Seek individual therapy if nothing else. Learn how to set boundaries and work on your self-esteem.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hey there FDM

Tell her you want a divorce... that'll shut her up...Or just book a ticket and go see your family.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this terrible situation. You really do have my sympathy. For someone to embarrass you this way is ugly. Maybe she needs medication of her own? I can see how it would be depressing and causing you much anxiety.

I have a beautiful friend who's brother is in this same situation and he can do nothing right though he has supplied a beautiful home, the wife doesn't need to work, she gets anything she wants and yet she is still not happy. My friend worries for her brother who has had cancer at least twice and should be being cared for not being given what for!

I think the whole reason for their unhappiness is that they are in an arranged marriage and he never wanted to marry her but his uncle went off the deep end and forced the marriage (I could really snot him one), so he ended up marrying her so that she wouldn't feel slighted after they met for the first time . Though culture should be respected it shouldn't be forced on the younger generations when they have become more cosmopolitan in their thinking and lifestyle.

I really hope you can just stand toe to toe with her and tell her it stops or the marriage stops...get a bit of Lion power and some tiger in your tank and just tell her what for,

Loving thoughts,

Rhia

[marjan]

I'm so sorry to hear all these....sounds terrible....You just reminded me my dad how he was so frustrated and felt lonely because my mom didn't like his family and all we had was my mom's family around....It still breaks my heart when I remember how dad wanted his family and he couldn't!!!!
My mom used to do the same telling him that he's spending his money on his family.....then the funny part was my mom's family who constantly asking for money.....

okay....enough about my memories......As a child who grow up with just mom's family (and I don't like them that much, because there are all crazy)....this is my suggestion to you and I wish my dad was doing it:

You got to come stronger than her.....You got to show her place in your life is different than your family and your friends in your life.....I don't think you can just tell her these, because I don't think she would listen to you.....You got to show her all.....She makes a scene in your workplace or in public and makes you embarrassed, then she doesn't deserve a gift of you being nice to her.....You can just tell her that you need some times off....Probably, if you can just get off and visit your family.....

Honesty, I believe you got to do something that she understands she's a wife and she can be an ex-wife, but your mother, your father, your sisters and your brothers will stay as your mother, your father, your sisters and your brothers.....they are your blood and your love towards them in unconditional verses your love towards her which is conditional.....

I remember that my dad used to go visit her mom and giving her money and not telling my mom at all.....then whenever he really wanted to leave my mom, she was getting cooled down and was scared of loosing him....

I personally found out people who are so aggressive and controlling, when they feel they lost the whole control and there is no way to get it back, they will get soft and change......so....stay very strong and tell her what you want from her or write to her and please do it in a calm manner and stay patient towards her rudeness......I would have given her a time out and tell her that I want to live in another place for awhile.....

But in the other hand, we are just people here....probably, it's better you guys visit a Therapist.....

I'm sorry if I sound very critical and harsh.....It felt all the childhood memories bubbled up....

Take care of yourself and you are in my thoughts
Marjan

[NuckingFutz]

I am sorry you are having to go through this. You in the middle of a bad situation you did not cause. On the other hand, your wife's behavior is distructive. Is there a way for her her to be medically evaluated to rule out anything that may be causing her to act this way. Hatred towards your family or not, she sounds irrational. Good luck with this and keep us posted.