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#1
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This is kind of long and complicated but I need somewhere to vent before my head explodes! Any advice anybody could give on where to go from here would be greatly appreciated.
![]() I'm having a fight with my boyfriend. And I didn't know we were fighting until he got all mad at me out of absolutely NOWHERE. We were supposed to hang out tonight, and we'd sort of half-planned it since Monday, but I found out I had to work at 9 and I didn't want to be out all night tonight especially since I wouldn't wind up coming home, which would require leaving his place at like 7:30 so I could get home in time to shower and get ready for work so I could leave again at 8:30. And seeing as how we wouldn't sleep until close to 3 and I had to work an 8-hour shift, I didn't want to be dead tired. Not only is it unprofessional, it makes for a VERY long work day! This, I think, is reasonable. So I texted him to say that I couldn't come over tonight and that I was working thurs, fri, saturday, but I'm off on Sunday so I said why don't we do something saturday night, and he FLIPPED. He sent me a text that said "if you don't want to see me anymore just say so" and I asked him what he was talking about and he said that this was the second time I've cancelled on him (the first time I had some family stuff to take care of) and how he'd been hobbling around on a busted toe for me all day. That's right, for ME. Because two days ago he dropped a hammer on his toe, and today he had a dr's appointment because when we try to have sex he can't get aroused. Which he was apparently doing for ME (?!) -- I dunno about you but if my plumbing wasn't working I'd go to the doctor for MYSELF because there might be something wrong with MY health. I didn't make or even ask him to go to the doctor, it was entirely his idea. But it's not like this was some kind of huge sacrifice on his part. He's not even working right now because he quit his job so it's not like he had anywhere stupendously important to be! He said that I don't even try to pleasure him even though I've actually been doing things I'm not even all that comfortable with in an attempt to get SOME form of reaction from him. How it's suddenly MY fault if HE can't seem to get it up no matter what I'm doing, I don't know. I'm TRYING. I can only do so much for so long before I just get TIRED. And I don't want to try ALL the time because not only is it exhausting, but it's so discouraging every time we try and nothing works! We just both wind up feeling bad. My boss called me about two hours after that to change my shift to 2-7 instead of 9-5, so I actually could've gone over to his place tonight but there was no way I was going after he flipped out like that. I don't know if he was drunk or upset because the dr's appointment didn't go well or what. They ran some tests today but he won't find out the results until next week, so I think he's frustrated by that, but it's not okay to take it out on me. I told him something like "I don't understand how this became a huge deal because it's not you or me, I actually just have to WORK, and seeing as I don't work in Scotland when I'm at school, when my boss calls to offer me hours, I drop everything to take them." And then I said I wasn't in the mood to argue and I'm off at 7 tomorrow if he wants to talk then, but I haven't heard back from him. I'm not sure I want to. I HATE drama, I hate complication, and I literally hit a point where I get so frustrated I just shut down, which may be a failing on my part because it means that I don't do well with confrontation, but if I can't discuss something with somebody like rational adults, I don't want to discuss it at all. I didn't even answer his text for several hours because it just made me mad to so much as think about it, so I went for coffee with a friend to distract myself. I don't know when this suddenly got complicated! I don't even know what this IS. Is he being needy or was he having a bad day or what? We were both very clear from the outset that what we're doing is nothing serious because for one thing, we're both leaving the city at the end of the summer, and for another thing we're both not in a position to WANT anything serious right now. He's said so, and I've said so, and I thought we were CLEAR on that, so this whole getting mad because I cancelled for WORK ... not working for me. I don't see even the slightest possibility for anything long-term with him. The spark's not there. We just agree that we enjoy each other's company right now, and it's very easy and relaxed and no pressure. Or it was, until now. Ugh. Now I don't know what to do. I want to fix this but I don't want to deal with him if he's going to be like that. I've tried to be supportive and sensitive about the whole sex thing, because even though he won't admit it I can see how much it bothers him, bur I don't know what to do from here!!
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Rebecca "If you're going through hell -- keep going." - Winston Churchill It's better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection. - Elizabeth Gilbert Bring on the wonder, we got it all wrong, we pushed you down deep in our souls, so hang on. Bring on the wonder, bring on the song, I pushed you down deep in my soul for too long. - Susan Enan http://igetupagain.wordpress.com/ |
#2
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((((Rebecca))))
What a lot of stuff to deal with all at once when things are supposed to be simple. First I'd ask if your bf has ever had a back injury? That is the foremost cause of impotence in the world today; if he hasn't had a back injury then it could be any one of a number of issues causing it. Be that as it may, it isn't your fault if he is impotent and it really isn't correct for him to blame you in any way. He may well just feel safe venting at you though that isn't a good reason for him to do it; there is no good reason for not being able to talk things through rationally. I would wait a while if you are thinking of breaking up with him, just until you find what the reason is for his impotence because he could feel very much abandoned if there is something wrong that needs radical treatment. I'm not trying to make that your problem, I am just thinking of how he is probably feeling at the moment he could be very scared about some of the possible causes for the problem; even if you are just there for him as a friend for support. I guess what I'm saying is that you need to think seriously about whether this relationship is or is not going anywhere...by what you have written, I'd say it isn't. Hope you get it sorted, Rhian
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![]() justfloating
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#3
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Hello, Rebecca. Sexual dysfunction is embarrassing. For him to say he is seeing a doctor for you is interesting. I wonder if he is taking an antidepressant?
Choose what is best for you. Be well. |
![]() justfloating
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