[novack]

Hey there. Just posting for some advice on the topic of my psych issues and their effect on my relationship. My fiancee knows I have problems, she knows more than anyone else does about them but can't seem to recognize that they're caused by natural things, not triggers. She seems to think that she can 'save' me from them and when they come back she feels personally slighted. So when we're laying in bed and she asks me if I've been feeling sane I'll tell her I have in order to prevent her from getting angry and upset, I do it to protect her. Well, this morning I wrote a short story about an encounter I had with one of my hallucinations and she was furious that I hadn't told her about it and I explained why. I explained that I hid these things from her to protect her and to keep her from getting angry.

What should I do in this situation as it seems both sides of the coin make her angry? I know the honest, clean cut thing to do would be to tell her everything so that I wouldn't be lying to her but is that what's necessarily the best thing to do?

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hi novack

If it were me I would let her know that I wasn't telling her because of her anger and the stress it caused me. Maybe if she hears the truth she will have a better understanding of the fact that she is making you take care of the both of you...at a time when you are the one needing support,

Rhiannon

[justjoanie]

Have you thought about taking her with you to talk to a therapist? Maybe if you are open and honest with her there, in a benign atmosphere, she could ask questions of you and the therapist. This may help her understand you and your issues better.
I would love my partner to go with me to talk but she won't. I think it would really help our relationship.
Just a thought
I really hope things get better. From experience, it's really important to have someone there for support.

[Perna]

You are who you are at the moment, have the problems you have; I think your fiancee is not going with the flow :-) and just letting you be yourself; you can write whatever stories you want, feel how you feel, be sane/crazy and it has nothing to do with her, other than she can choose to "be" with you, alongside you. I would be annoyed at her and her anger, tell her to leave you and your problems alone and concentrate on her own?

I would make it clear you have trouble sharing yourself with her, because the way she reacts makes you uncomfortable and feels intrusive. She's boundary crossing.