[chaosrob]

To start off if you want the background on what I will be talking about I will refer you to these thereads:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=137733

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=144578


Now on to the update. Despite my best efforts I had to end the relationship I had created with this woman and her daughter. I regret that I waited so long but due to my over-confidence I did end up causing more emotional damage than I had ever intended. I really want to feel terrible about this but I really don't think I should be blamed entirely. I stated over and over again to this girl what my intentions were and what to expect. She assured me she was fine with it every step of the way. Should I feel guilty because she can't separate her emotions?

The real victim in all of this is her daughter. I do not understand parents when they always say they would do anything for their child. It rarely ever is the case. People are so easily deceived by their own emotions. They really seem to look out for themselves first.

I really do believe I enjoyed my time with this family. I played the role of father fairly well I felt. I improved the lives of the entire family and made my best effort to provide them with things that they needed. So why is it that I am being blamed for it failing? The child was happy, there is no doubt that the child would have remained happy. But the mother was not content with what she had. She felt she should have more, and because of it that child has been hurt by me and will likely suffer emotional abandonment issues later on in life thanks to her mother.

If I could I would fight for custody of the daughter. Honestly I have thought about several ways that I could probably succeed. And I do believe I would be able to provide a better environment both educationally and financially than her mother. Still I felt it was best not to take such drastic measures, my recent hospital visit has left me hesitant to make such long term commitments.

Ironically the last two days I have had several moments where I felt as though I were enjoying life. I am going to finish up a dual degree in computer security shortly. In August I am flying out to el monte to visit my brother with whom I have not seen in several years. My father has received a promotion and will be moving to Tennessee shortly.

It just feels like with so many changes that maybe I have regained some hope. I could be wrong though, as my sleep deprivation continues to play tricks with my senses.

So there you have it. I felt I should update those who showed concern or offered advice to me in the past. Also it is possible that someone may read this and be able to gain some insight to their own troubles in some way. If anyone has any comments or questions feel free to ask.

[lynn P.]

Thanks for the update Rob and that's unfortunate it didn't work out. But you can't really blame the girls mother - her feelings matter here too. Since you're good with kids, perhaps you could get a job where you could teach or volunteer for an organization that involves children. This way you could have a positive impact of children without getting too personal.

rob, i think the reason this played out so badly is because you wanted her to not have an emotional response to your presence in her and her child's life. that isn't natural nor healthy and the way she responded was in fact normal and healthy. true, she thought she could play along with what you wanted but she couldn't because people are not meant to live life that way. i think your best bet might be to find someone who has the same dx as you do so they will understand where you are coming from.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

chaosrob...you seem to have caused chaos in this family by being there, playing dad all the while having no intention of staying there and playing it out...I'm sorry but I can't possibly support you in this because you did wrong and are looking to blame the mother of the child who became so attached to you, and you allowed that child to get closer every time you saw her you gave her a false indication that you would always be there.

Rhi