[jbug]

Why do I let her get to me? Yes I should be glad she can get out and do things and I am glad deep down.

Today she went to the Farmer's Market with my mom and me and I revealed to her that I am gluten free and she got all indignant and was like well is there anything you can eat here? We were at a booth that had pastries. I said no they all have flour and walked away.

We then went to eat after the Market and at at IHOP and I was looking at the menu and had pretty much decided what I was going to order and she said well we picked a bad place to come there isn't anything Jan can eat since it all has flour. I said there is a lot of things I can eat I am going to have this and told her what she was going to eat. She then said in a real snotty voice well is this something your doctor told you to do or what? I said yes and they are doing some tests also. I also mentioned that I am feeling better since I cut out the gluten and also losing weight. I then kind of dropped it and by then was sorry I mentioned anything anyway. She had to find out eventually but I was angry at her reaction. I had hoped she would be supportive but she wasn't and it hurt. I should have known better though because when she found out I was having Gastric Bypass surgery she wasn't supportive then either. Now she is always pushing food in my face telling me to eat she doesn't think I eat enough and it is kind of funny because before my surgery I was eating too much. I just can't win for losing.

Sorry for the ranting and rambling I just don't know what to do. I guess I should mention Grandma just turned 86 and I think she has some dementia setting in. She gets confused very easily and her brother has alzheimers and I can't be positive but I think she could have it also.

Jan

[lynn P.]

(((jbug)) - I can understand how this hurt you..not feeling understand. If this was someone else who was younger you could certainly handle this much different but like you said she's very old and set in her ways. Maybe you or your mother could print out some info on 'Celiac Disease' and explain this is a true medical problem -a serious illness. It could be she doesn't have any idea about what this is and instead thinks you're just dieting. So you or your mom can educate her and see if this helps. Don't let it worry you though.

[perpetuallysad]

Sorry this is happening, I know you are having a rough time in general right now. I think going gluten free is a great idea for helping you figure out what is wrong. I am sorry she's not more understanding and supportive.

Good luck with getting better, Jan.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((jbug))))

Don't worry hon peole who were brought up on wheat based products just cannot understand that in the modern world it has been discovered that it is almost fatal to some people to eat wheat based products, especially processed flour. It's a generation thing. When she was a girl you just got sick and bloated among other things, it wasn't a considersation.

You just keep to your diet and you will lose weight and feel brillant and look brilliant...you're doing great

Rhiannon

[jbug]

Thanks guys. I know I shouldn't let her get to me but it just hurts that I never seem to add up to her. I almost feel like she never loved me enough. I never lived close enough for her to come to any of my school stuff but she did for my cousin's. I never heard her brag on me but have for my cousin's. I am the only single person in my family on my dad's side and I almost feel like she is disappointed in me because I didn't get married right after school and start to have babies like my cousins did.

Jan

jbug, ususally something can only hurt when it is somebody close to us. We give certain people in our lives a status of importance. My grandparents also did somethings that were very uncomfortable to me when they were in their 80s. At first, I was very upset. Then, an understanding of their mental state put my hurt emotions to rest.

It is obvious you care deeply about her, but, you are intelligent to understand her health situation also. You are doing the right thing, by putting her opinions into perspective. If you can remind yourself that her actions are also out of concerns for you, it might help to calm the feelings of frustration you have.

The most important opinion is that of yourself. You are taking on this lifestyle because it is a necessary health requirement. The fact that you decided to take on this lifestyle, no matter what others say or think, means you are rightfully putting yourself and your health first. That is very positive, and admirable. Besides, I have known people who seem to criticize in our presence all the time and found out that behind our backs, they speak highly of us to others. It seems odd that they don't voice the same praise onto us, but it is a quirk of nature.

Keep your chin up hun. You are doing great!! Two thumbs up.

[AAAAA]

Oh Jan, these people know how to push our buttons because they installed them! Many people of that generation do not understand that there has been a huge change in how food is grown and processed in the last 50 years. The chicken we eat is not the same thing they had for Sunday dinner.

It has been my experience that unless someone has gone through it, people do not understand things like sensitivity. Or, that you can be allergic to something and NOT break out in hives, but it will manifest itself in other ways. It's not that kind of "allergy".

My oldest son could not eat processed tomatoes (ie red sauce, tomato paste etc.) but he could eat Heinz ketchup, go figure. My grandmother would say that I was spoiling him. He LIKED spaghetti and pizza, he COULDN'T have it! She actually let him eat it! Luckily his allergy is mild and he only got a rash on his face!

[jbug]

Yesterday she came over for supper after church and mom had made sandwiches and I had already eaten just so I wouldn't have to eat in front of her. But anyway Grandma told mom oh I don't want that much and it was just half a sandwich so mom offered to just cut it in half again and Grandma was like no I'll just eat it anyway. We then gave her my Twizzlers because Twizzlers have wheat in them and she said well I like black licorice better but I'll take this anyway.

Darn it woman aren't you ever happy with anything? At lunch we had gone to Carinos and we showed her on the menu her shrimp scampi and she saw it said that it had tomatoes in it and she complained about it..we said well just tell them to leave it out. She couldn't believe that you could actually do that. She seemed to enjoy it and did ask the waitress if she could leave out the tomatoes which of course they could.

Ugg I need to just let her not get to me.

Jan

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello dear jan,

She sounds like a carbon copy of my mum...bitter and mean....only happy when shes complaining....just take a deep breath and let her go....she won't change and you don't have to....

Rhiannon

I think some of it is generational also. In their generation, they had to learn to take what they were given. They didn't have the options that are available now. Not only that, but the gender roles for women of those times could also have influenced her behaviour. The rest is simply genetic traits.

I know that I have genetic traits I have received from my parents that i don't like lol. My father's impatience and my mother's self righteousness. I catch myself at times feeling irritated with others because of my own flaws and it is as annoying to me, to know I am that way, as it is to others who put up with me.

Oh the joys of life.

Hugs and Laughter