[bridgie]

My ex has been trying to get a hold of me well have me respond anyway and today I did and was like what do you want. He said he wants to be friends I said I wouldn't make a very good friend as I'd be rude and snyde(sp?) Anyway he said he didn't care. He said he has chnaged and has gone back to being a kind person. I don't believe that so much. Not 5 months well maybe it cld happen but he hurt me pretty badly. I've gotten over most of that. Let it go and I've got a new guy whom I care for a lot. I was crying over the whole deal plus some other stuff *sigh* just a mess I want to tell my current guy about this but he's grieving and I don't want to make him feel worse or burden him with my troubles. ???

[Belle1979]

(((bridgie)))

Do you want to be friends with your ex? Is there a place in your life now for him?

If you feel the need to tell your new guy then you should. It's sharing and not a bad thing at all, unless you think it will cause issues in your relationship.

[lynn P.]

If you have a new BF I don't think it's a good idea to accept the ex as a friend, since your present relationship is new. Makes me wonder if he's trying to sabotage it. I wonder what he wants from you - is he hoping for a reconciliation? If this made you cry, I think it's a red flag, indicating you're not ready IMO. If you're nervous and questioning whether to tell the new guy, this also isn't a good sign. I think it's bad timing all around.

[eskielover]

I'm in agreement with Lynn. Timing????? You have a new BF & your ex decides he now wants to be friends (why?)

As far as telling your new BF about this, it's probably NOT a good idea. Not a good way to start off a new relationship by telling them that your ex wants to be friends. Don't think it's really something that's important to your new relationship unless it ends up getting more serious in the first place. Take the whole thing slowly. You don't have to share everything when you are first in a relationship. Only share what is important & if it grows into more of a relationship, then add the more things that are appropriate with the level or seriousness it becomes.

Personally, I don't think it's a good idea to jump into being friends with your ex. Best to have nothing to do with him after all you went through with him. My personal opinion is that it's best not to have any relationships after a divorce for quite awhile until you get back to being who you are & in control of your emotions & become strong & self sufficient. When you can take care of yourself & don't NEED to have anyone in your life, then that is the time when it's ok to allow someone back into your life. (this is a personal belief).

[bridgie]

I messaged my ex telling him I can't be friend because I'm seeing someone and it may be detrimental to that relationship. And that I don't want to mess this one up. And as far as being friends I sometimes feel that when I've forgiven and let go of the past that its ok to start over. I do believe he wants to get back together so yes underlying motives. I guess I can't really see myself hanging out and being buddies. And he stressed me out and triggered my bipolar quite badly. I got so depressed I cldnt eat and lost 30 pound in 3 month. I can't go through that again. It is bad timing. Everytime things like this happen its at the worst possible moment

[lynn P.]

I think you made the best decision Bridgie and kudos to you for recognizing this and being strong. If he evokes that kind of negative strong reaction in you, I think it's best to keep your distance for now anyways. As the old saying goes "with friends like this, who needs enemies".

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Originally Posted by bridgie

My ex has been trying to get a hold of me well have me respond anyway and today I did and was like what do you want. He said he wants to be friends I said I wouldn't make a very good friend as I'd be rude and snyde(sp?) Anyway he said he didn't care. He said he has chnaged and has gone back to being a kind person. I don't believe that so much. Not 5 months well maybe it cld happen but he hurt me pretty badly. I've gotten over most of that. Let it go and I've got a new guy whom I care for a lot. I was crying over the whole deal plus some other stuff *sigh* just a mess I want to tell my current guy about this but he's grieving and I don't want to make him feel worse or burden him with my troubles. ???

(((( (((( (((( ((((bridgie)))) )))) )))) ))))

A bee stings so that we know to avoid it, a Tassie devil tears flesh from bone if you don't avoid it, both inflict pain so that you will get out of the way and stay out of their way.

This guy inflicted pain on you in a terrible way, and honestly leopards do not change their spots.

It is possible that he has changed, but not in 5 months and not in a good way.

I have a horrible feeling that he is trying to reel you in. Don't tell him about your boyfriend, tell him nothing and do not get involved with him again.

If you didn't want the truth you would not have posted here I am sure, and I will be so very honest bridgie when I tell you that just reading your post I got cold shivers down my spine.

Stay away and stay safe,

Rhiannon

[bridgie]

You are correct I need to stay away. He did hurt me pretty bad and I don't believe he has his mife on track. I also don't want to hurt my current guy(whom I've known for 9 years) we just now have been ablt to open up about how we really felt. He's going through a rough time with a death of a friend and actually has been isolating himself. I and I appreciate honesty even if it is harsh. I'd much rather get the reality. I also sometimes need that third party perspective because don't always see clearly when in the midst of it all. Ex hasn't contacted me since I told him so I hope it stays that way. Trying to stay strong through everything

[luvsthebeach]

I also agree with Lynn and Rhiannon. I feel it's natural to grieve an old relationship, but when one knows it's wiser to move on/forward, then it makes sense to keep on the road to progress. Sometimes others want to bring us down or weaken us. Remember your self-esteem and qualities and you have a right to be happy! It may seem foreign to you at times, but it's how you get used to being happy and having rights. So just move forward and perhaps it's best not to have discussions with people who bring you down or make you feel guilty. Be strong, happy and safe.