My bf is a gamer

He is attached to his pc games and spend hours on end playing. I miss him and I don't know how else to communicate to him anymore where now all I do is fight. I've told him many times before that he is addicted to his games and we almost broke up because he doesn't spend enough time with me. Things were going well after that big blow out but now it is slowly going back to normal. I recently started a new job where it requires me to get ready for bed by 10pm. That then leaves him to stay on the computer until 12am at least maybe until 2am. I've told him that I miss having him in bed with me and ever since I started my job we've only had sex twice where before we had sex every other day. Our intimacy is just not there right now. I've told him I don't want him to stop his hobbies but can he limit how long he plays his games. It is frustrating and I do miss him. I just want him to spend some time with me.

((jenn1fer82)) - I'm sorry you have this problem. It's true a person can be addicted to gaming the same as any other addiction. The problem is, getting him to realize this. He needs to realize this is affecting his relationship with you, not to mention the health risks of not moving around. You're going to have to speak with him and see if he's willing to put himself on a reasonable schedule. He shouldn't be playing after you go to sleep. I hope you both can work this out.

Hello Jennifer,

Maybe you could talk to the people on the addictions thread or the gamers corner and speak to Tim, and ask him for some help; I really wish you luck with this,

Rhiannon

It sounds like your schedules are really getting in your way. I would see if he would be willing to start his games later or take a break inbetween, spend some time in bed with you.

Not to pry into details, but is he into one specific game, or several different ones? I'm an avid gamer myself, but what I've noticed is that the addiction (or at least behavior I've observed in other gamers that seemed to fit that description) seems almost more to the social aspect of the game, the dependency that players form on each other. In MMO-type games in particular, players often specialize in a few specific areas of strength, requiring them to work together. This means that in your BF's mind other people DEPEND on him to play, or at the very least they respond to his play in a way that he finds stimulating (he could well be the villain as well, but thats another side of the same coin IMO).

This is going to sound trite, but have you attempted to engage him in some type of gameplay? I wouldn't suggest that you actually join in his addiction of choice, if it centers on one socially active game in particular (World of Warcraft would be a popular example), but you may be able to find something that he likes which is cooperative on a smaller scale, and play that together, just the two of you. Obviously this will not reduce his actual gaming time in any significant way, but it might demonstrate to him even more than your other efforts to be accommodating that you aren't trying to take away something he enjoys, you just want to be able to spend time with him. The problem is that even just saying "I want you to put a time limit on it" just brings up a natural defiant response, like any addict that is told they must cutback their drug of choice. If you take the step of trying to game with him however, that might impress upon him just how seriously you take your relationship, and get him to reflect on why he is with you in a positive light.

To boil down all that rambling, Baltar-style: You have used the Stick. It may be time to try the carrot.

My boyfriend likes to stay up later than me - either reading on his forums or playing games (WoW-World of Warcraft and the such). What works for us is we spend some time together watching a video or something before I go to bed. Then he comes to bed and lays with me and we talk for awhile or do whatever. Then when I'm ready to fall asleep he kisses me goodnight and goes back downstairs. This works for us.

We were also fighting about him spending more time on the computer than with me, so this is how we have made it work for us. Good luck.