[Redwine25]

I don't get along with my family. I've stopped talking to my mother, father and 2 brothers for a few yrs now. I refuse to be abused by them. I've been getting to the point of leting go of my relationship with my sister, my other brother and my husband. I'm so tired that my feelings don't count. That I'm the mean one because I don't call when I'm sick or just feeling down. I'm told I'm to sensitve when I'm called the B-word or that I don't do my part. I'm mean. I matter just as much as them. I want to run away sometimes to so they are free from dealing with such a mean person as me. I have so much on my plate and I'm so stressed out. I feel so alone and hated. How do you have a life with people who constantly remind you what a mean person you are? I'm not perfect but I'm not telling them their mean. What gives them the right! Why bother being around if you know your not wanted? It's so bad that I get sick to my stomic just thinking I have to be around them. I used to run away from my problems but thats only a temp fix. How do I stop the insults? What do other people do when in a toxic family?

[lostjhawk]

Sounds like communication is a real issue for you and your family, ever talk about "how" you talk with and to one another?...remember that part of Covey's habits...seek first to listen, then to be heard; seek first to understand, then to be understood...

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello Redwine,

I was in that situation. After my dad died it got worse because he was the only one who would stand up for me.

Recently I walked away for good. I felt like they were constantly circling me and taking bites out of me because there was no one there to stop them so I walked away.

I never believed in the middle child syndrome, I thought it was just crap and that I was just bullied by my mum & brother. But as we got older I had to do more and more my brother did nothing because he was a "boy" and boys didn't do housework, and my sister was too little. Plus I got blamed for everything that went wrong, no matter what it was.

But then my sister started it as well and I was gosmacked because I brought her up, I thought she loved me.

I moved well away from them all about 300 miles away but that didn't work because my ex husband and mum were alcoholic drinking buddies so when ever my sister upset my mum she would come crying to me and I had to deal with the fallout.

All of this broke my heart it really did. But I'll get over that they say that time heals all wounds. But can I ALLOW the wounds to heal? that is the question that I still have no answer to because it is only now that I understand it all that I feel so betrayed and sad.

What is it about the Cinderella Syndrome? How do we get trapped in it and how do we work out way out of it? I don't intend to be a victim until the day I die; I want to be happy and I want to leave this all behind me but the guilt I've been brought up on is the one thing that won't let me so that is what I have to work on,

Rhiannon

[Shangrala]

Perhaps, take the approach of treating yourself the way you'd want others to treat you. (MUCH easier said than done, I know). This strategy will not only provide you satisfaction for your own self with self, but also, will set the example of how others view you. And even if they cannot see beyond their own selves, then, perhaps their opinion isn't worth a thought given, anyway, despite if they are family, or not.
Just because you are born into that group of relatives does not mean that you are committed to upholding their opinions of who they think you should be.

Be true to yourself while doing your best to sustain what others are dumping on you, especially in a family environment, such as what you are presently forced to endure.

I've been through similar to what you're going through. It was hell for me. I was the black sheep, never fitting suit. I simply didn't belong there. I did what I could to endure the best I knew how.

Devote your attention inward. Find what makes you happy about yourself and nurture that. Only you know what works for you. So long as you strive for improvement, who the hell cares what anyone else thinks. Chances are, they're only jealous in their own right.

I wish you the very best of luck.
Hang in there...

Shangrala