[Elana05]

Hi All,

Here is the situation. I don't know what to make of it. It's not really a big deal. But I often don't know what to make of times like this...

My partner's parents arrived on Friday evening and they are staying through Monday at a hotel.

I went out with them all on Friday night. I offered to drive... that meant drive the hotel, pick them up, drive them back, drive home.

Then I joined them all yesterday for a full-day outing and dinner. By the end of the day I was exhausted, to be honest.

I mean, the day was enjoyable. I chatted, made small talk and we all had a nice day. But I had to deal with some emotional triggers (like not really being able to spend time with my own family, feeling down on myself in relation to them* etc).

* This is kind of a long story since of course it does no good to compare yourself to others, but I am working on this.

Anyway, by today I was pretty tired. I asked my partner if it would be ok if I skipped today's day-time plans. She was ok with it, but said she was dissapointed. She said it would be more helpful if I was there. I feel bad because I told her last minute that I wanted to stay home. On the other hand, I have been spending a lot of time in therapy going over that I need to ask for what I need. And what I needed/wanted today was some time by myself. I even offered to drive everyone out for dinner this evening again (to the hotel, dinner, and back etc.)

Am I entitled to this? Part of me says yes. Part of me feels very guilty. I feel very confused.

As an aside. I have been studying this morning and I wanted to continue with that -- although I should say that I am not in any class yet. I am simply studying on my own to be able to face the class later when I take it. But all I wanted was to give it afew more hours, then have some time by myself. Ugh. I never know when I am right or wrong... or whatever. Nothing ever really feels right to me.

[Soul Quake]

There's nothing wrong with needing alone time, especially when you socially obliged to such an extent. Doing things for yourself is okay. It can be helpful not only for you, but for your relationship.

This site on Interpersonal Effectiveness may provide some guidance should you need it in the future.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello Elana

I think what you did was very normal. And asking for what you need rather than creating a scene or a disturbance or pretending that you were ill as some people do need a reason for things might do. You handled it very maturely and very sensibly. Please do not feel guilt, 2 thumbs up