[jbug]

Since I have been home my neighbor has been driving me nuts. I guess the day before I came home her boyfriends sister came over and beat her up. She just came to my door and asked me to take her to her boyfriends house. She has been telling me all week long she is done with him she isn't going back to him etc.

How do I get her to leave me alone without coming off like a self righteous person? I feel for her and don't like to see her in this situation but don't want to get dragged down in her stuff. I have enough issues of my own. She has been saying ever since she moved in that she is going to move out and in with her boyfriend. I could see her being killed if that happened. I told her tonight if I took her over there and if she continued to see him he or his family could kill her. She said they wouldn't hurt her. I said look in the mirror. I know that sounds harsh but maybe she just needs a wake up call.

How do I help her without bringing myself down with her?

Jan

[jbug]

Update:

She just left to go to the ER and try to get into Rehab. She admitted to me that she was drunk last night when she came over. I told her I had taken my night time meds and that was one of the reasons I didn't want to drive. She thanked me for not taking her. So hopefully this will turn out good. Unfortunately her boyfriend was with her when she went to the ER. I don't see this relationship turning out good and hopefully if she does get into Rehab she is able to see this. I could be wrong and he could be the nicest guy and his family could just be bad but I see him hurting her emotionally all the time. Just on Saturday she was cussing him out on the phone telling him to leave her alone and now he is with her at the ER? I just don't get it.

Jan

[madisgram]

for your own sanity i'd not help her get a ride to see him. if something happened to her u would always regret you aided her getting there. if she asks i'd say, i have a committment, sorry. no need to elaborate to her.
you can be a friend to her but know that one that is abused has a hard time realizing they need to break away from the abuser. it's like a person captured who starts identifying her captor as her only savior. not logical but i've been there.
she will need to make the decision and only she can do it. i know you are concerned but she has ignored your observations of her volatile situation. it may take a bad turn but you have no control of these dynamics. add alcohol or drugs to the mix and the danger heightens.
the way i feel you can not get dragged down is to detach yourself emotionally from their drama. you are not being unkind to do so. it is self preservation. hopefully she'll realize she has to preserve herself too.

[jbug]

Yesterday she was with him so I guess she sobered up enough to drive. She told me she was going to the ER to get help with her drinking she told me her boss told her to go there. So I don't know if she still has her job or not. But anyway I was outside this morning and she came out with her boyfriend and said she was off to the doctor. So I guess she didn't get into Rehab. I was hoping that if she went to the ER they would send her to Rehab but the 2 places around here are always full. So we will see how long she stays sober. At least she realizes she has a problem with alcohol so that is a start. She did thank me for not taking her over there the other night. It did bother me though that her boyfriend was there yesterday. I guess it is out of my hands now. I did find out though that the landlord said after the fight that he didn't want to see the boyfriend over there ever again though so I guess if I was a mean person I could call him and say the boyfriend is there but I am not that kind of person.

Jan