[salukigirl]

So I know I have been venting lately about my bf being a jerk. Well he went to therapy yesterday and actually seemed much better afterwards. I guess he told the woman about calling me names and mocking me. She told him that he obviously has problems opening up and communicating about even small things so that they build up and when he gets triggered he flies off the handle and starts saying and doing things without even realizing it.

I guess she got it out of him that he went for a couple years in high school with zero friends. And that's not an exaggeration. He literally had no friends. His parents had him in private school until 8th grade so when he transferred to public school everyone had been friends for years already and wouldn't let him into their cliques. So once he finally got friends he would do everything he could to conform to them so he wouldn't make them angry and not be his friend anymore.

Now, years later that has turned into him not letting things go or getting things off his chest and just letting it build up. He has already taken this therapists advice a little bit. He actually opened up about being a little jealous of this guy I work with because we have a really good connection. Apparently he has gotten jealous a few times and just never said anything.

He seems to really like this T and seems excited to go every week. Well hopefully it will go well and he will keep it up.....

[bridgie]

sounds very positive. hopeing things keep in that direction.

[turquoisesea]

I'm really happy for you! That's a great sign =)

[Perna]

How about you? How are you doing?

[salukigirl]

I'm still struggling with trying to compartmentalize everything. I rented this book from the library called "Too good to leave, too bad to stay" and it takes you through about 40 steps and diagnostic traits to look at to determine whether there is enough basis to stay and work on it.

The other day I was still determined to get the hell outta dodge but then one of my friends made a really good point. I trust him more than I have ever trusted anyone, and I know he feels the same way about me. It is simply communicating, which is probably the most common problem in relationships anyways. She said that if I really trust him as much as I say I do then I HAVE to try. I have never been in a relationship where there wasn't at least a little doubt from my end. And the fact that I know for a fact that he would never cheat on me, hit me or do anything to that magnitude means that there must be SOMETHING there.

Hopefully this book will help me clarify some issues. Because if I'm mulling over whether to leave or not and he really is trying then I'm not even letting him get a second chance. I'm just distancing myself and picking fights without actually allowing him to work on his issues.

Cause don't get me wrong, I know I have my own issues. Hopefully I can find some direction and stop being so damn confused about everything.

[Perna]

I'm glad your friend reminded you of the trust thing. I like to remind myself too, when things are just a matter of "learning" (communication skills) that I think I can do, that there's no fatal flaw in myself or partner that says it can't work.

this is great that he has started therapy and seems to be making progress already!

only you know whether or not this relationship is worth saving. i have to admit i'm a bit concerned that your expectations are quite low though when you said this:

Originally Posted by salukigirl

And the fact that I know for a fact that he would never cheat on me, hit me or do anything to that magnitude means that there must be SOMETHING there.

imo not cheating or hitting are bottom-level basic things not really reasons to salvage a relationship. what are the positives (rather than lack of negatives)? the things you really love about him? (you don't need to answer here.)

[Rhiannonsmoon]

All sounds really good Saluki, glad your friend piped up. Give him a chance and if he doesn't improve then trust isn't enough reason to stay. There are different types of abuse and exchanging one for another isn't appropriate; but if you both change the abuse for loving communication then that is a change worth staying for,

Rhiannon

[salukigirl]

bloom - those were just examples. Basically that I know that I can ask him something and the answer he gives is truthful. He can't look me in the eye with a straight face an lie. He has before over really dumb stuff and realized he couldn't do it. Like one time he said he was going to go hang out with a friend and came home and I asked him if he had been drinking. (Not like I care either way). He tried to say no thinking I would get mad and I could tell by his face he was lying and I said "I know you're lying" and he just went "ugh....yeah I did".

As far as good things....I had to sit back and think "what initially attracted me to him and are those things still true?" So I guess the first thing that attracted me to him was that he didn't give me stupid lines. So I guess the fact that we could talk about anything right off the bat. And that he could actually carry on a conversation about intelligent things......more to come lol