[Ares]

Can you get along with someone with very different political views?

My friends know my political ideology or ideals or whatever you want to call them. Not because I am an outspoken person who hands out literature or lectures them when given the chance, but because outside of of little core social circle I have found myself becoming increasingly politically active, and with Facebook, knowledge (and tagged photos) tend to spread quickly.

Recently a friend has started dating a guy with a very different political perspective. Somewhere along the line he clued in our figured out my political affiliation, and since then, he will not shut up about it. Every opportunity, to him, is an excuse to turn something political- I cannot buy a sandwich without this guy turning it into an accusation or an argument. I can't suggest a book or film to a friend without being told it is propaganda. I am open for some political discussion, I'm not open to being interrogated on my values while I try to have a drink.

He does not scream or anything- he picks it up rather coyly and naturally, even if the situation had nothing to do with politics.

The friend tells me to just bear it, and that her boyfriend is just opinionated. She cites me being politically active, but I make a great effort to keep my politics separate from my social life, and it's not as if I'm a candidate or a revolutionary- I attend some rallies, and help out at some organizations. This guy would have you think I'm planning to run for office!

I never initiated this apparent political rivalry, and friendly outings have turned into this guy's charismatic soapbox.

I feel like his rants are diving our peaceful group- it's become very us vs. them, and politics have suddenly become an ugly and present issue. There's a time and place for debate... coffee after a long day is not always it.

I don't need this stress right now.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Dear ariesmars,

last thing first; opinionated is another word for abusive and it is obvious he is being passive aggressive at least in the way he picks up on things as he perceives them & just has to make comment. By picking on others he has no time to spend on or to acknowledge his own shortcomings.

You need to tell him exactly what you wrote up there

I feel like his rants are dividing our peaceful group- it's become very us vs. them, and politics have suddenly become an ugly and present issue. There's a time and place for debate... coffee after a long day is not always it.

This is the perfect thing to say to him. And the perfect time to say it is in front of the group so that they are reminded that before he came along everyone was friends and happy; now everyone is divided and there is a definite wedge creating the us Vs them feeling. He's looking for a following he wants to be a leader and he will get them out of your group if he can.

Good luck ariesmars, stand up for yourself and what you believe in, and I tell you that I am certain that this is the exact type of reason DocJohn forbids political discussion on the forums, because it divides people,

Thinking of you my friend and I know that you will handle this the way it needs to be handled, with dignity, a quiet voice and self respect as well as good intention.

Politics turns the most mellow deep roasted coffee into a cold and bitter brew

Hello, Ares. I would tell your friend if she keeps seeing this guy she will be bullied too.

[madisgram]

i'd look him straight in the eye and tell him i only discuss politics with friends. meaning he's not your friend. hummmm. i'd ignore any comments he makes and direct my conversation to a friend in the group. basically not rewarding his behavior.
this guy is abusive. i am sorry your friend doesn't see that. any way you all can exclude him on outings and let your friend see him elsewhere?
hate to admit it but i'd probably tell him i was not in the least bit interested in his opinion. if he rebuts i'd repeat that same statement over and over if he continues to taunt. learned this in therapy re verbally abusive ppl.

[sunrise]

If it were me, I would continue my relationship with my friend, but not do things with her and her boyfriend together. They can do couples things on their own, and you can still do other things with just your friend, can't you? It's her boyfriend, not yours. No need for you to spend time with him. You can explain to your friend about not wanting to be around the boyfriend for his aggressive political views and his hassling of you. She's seen it herself, I'm sure. If she is a good friend, she probably feels pretty bad about how he treats you and it might be a relief to her too to not have to be with the two of you at the same time. Good luck.

[salukigirl]

You can have very different views on things and be perfect for each other. But that requires self respect and respect for others. I hate getting into political "talks' because it's very hard to find someone who can have a genuine, calm debate over a topic and not turn it into a full fledged fight. Personally, I like hearing other opinions because it helps me form my own. But when people are just screaming and calling others "wrong" that's not an opinion, that's just being a jerk.

[Ares]

Thanks for the replies, everyone.

BTW Rhiannonsmoon I'm not ariesmars

I invited him the other day to properly discuss politics with me at a lunch a group I'm affiliated with was hosting if he's so interested in learning more about my political beliefs. He didn't seem terribly interested. Huh.

If it continues to escalate I'll talk to my friend again. I spoke with a couple of others and I know I'm not the only one with ruffled feathers now.

[AAAAA]

My husband and I couldn't be more politically opposite if we tried. For many years November was a very difficult month for us.

Rather than speak to your friend, speak directly to HIM and say something like: "We will have to agree to disagree." There is no come back for that. If he persists thank him for sharing his opinion, but we agree to disagree.

Perhaps you could show your friend this article: http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Your-Boyf...o-Your-Friends

Your friend may be a bit intimidated by her boyfriend. If you do confront the boyfriend about his behavior, it will be interesting to see how your friend reacts.

Good luck.