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#1
Nov 13, 2010, 12:53 PM
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Me and my mom have always had a rocky relationship since I became an adult. Every time we were around each other, the tension within myself was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I always felt like she was criticizing everything I did (because she was): my house was never clean enough, my hair was always too messy, she would constantly be on my case about not having a job or what my husband was doing wrong or how much we needed to learn to manage our money (what little bit we have). I always felt like I was walking on eggshells around her. Afraid to say or do something wrong. I constantly felt like I was never good enough for her and she didn't trust me to make my own decisions or live my life separate from her.
But now, ever since I found out I have a brother, it is like our relationship has done a complete 180. She no longer nit-picks every little thing about me... never says anything negative about my appearance, etc (I am most shocked that she has set foot in my house and not said "It's messy/junky in here...you need to clean this place up." She always used to say that, because she is a clean freak that is constantly cleaning her house even though most people would think it was pretty damn clean... near spotless) When I was over at her house for two nights this week, we got along shockingly well. It was almost as if we were friends instead of mother/daughter. I am very pleased and excited that my relationship with my mom is on a completely different level that it was and that she is finally treating me like an adult, but at the same time, I am very skeptical. I find it extremely hard to let my guard down and become emotionally close to my mom because I am constantly thinking "this is too good to be true! is this like the calm before the storm? Is something going to happen that makes our relationship digress again?" The way she used to treat me was very painful and I don't want it to happen again. I feel like I am being torn in two directions... on one hand, I want to be close to my mom... as an adult child... have her treat me more like a friend than her daughter. But on the other hand, I am so scared that if I allow myself to get close to her, I will end up getting hurt again, and I don't think I could that any more hurt from her.
__________________
It is a miracle that I have survived thus far and I strive to help others see miracles in every day life.
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#2
Nov 13, 2010, 01:04 PM
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how bout telling her how much you've enjoyed spending time with her, etc. that way you're not making yourself vulnerable but reinforcing her good behavior lately to you. don't know how much this finding brother/son has to do with it, but i'm happy for you being able to enjoy time with your mom.
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
 Miracle1986
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#3
Nov 13, 2010, 01:09 PM
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Quote:
my mother-in-law said last night that maybe that has changed things because I am her (my mom)'s child... and her only one, and my dad has two children (even though he only raised one... my brother was put up for adoption at birth cuz my dad and my brother's mom were too young and immature to raise a child) so... I wonder if that has something to do with it.
__________________
It is a miracle that I have survived thus far and I strive to help others see miracles in every day life.
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#4
Nov 13, 2010, 04:53 PM
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just enjoy what good times you are having with your mother. if anything changes deal with it then. you are already consious that something could happen, just try not to dwell on what could instead focus on what is.
__________________
How I long to be up rather than down, the eternal sorrow that I only escape for short periods. This must be how Persephone felt. "Sleep. Those little slices of Death. How I loathe them." Edgar Allan Poe Loving yourself must come first from there comes love for everything else. |
| Miracle1986
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#5
Nov 14, 2010, 10:51 PM
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Yes miracle enjoy the time
__________________
 Peace, the deep imperturbable peace is right there within you, quieten the mind and slow the heart and breathe...breathe in the perfume of the peace rose and allow it to spread throughout your mind body and senses...it can only benefit you and those you care about...I care about you |
| Miracle1986
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