[MiddleAgedMan]

I think I’ve messed things up and now I don’t know what to do. I was seeing a girl called E – the relationship was good but it was fairly casual (on my part, at least). We broke up recently because she wanted to see more of me and I was starting to feel uncomfortable about the difference in the way we seemed to feel about each other. For a while, I’d been in contact with an ex (C); we’d been on-again-off-again in the past and as I was newly single, C and I hooked up.

E and I have been in contact, as friends, and now I’m starting to wonder I’ve made a terrible mistake in hooking up with C. E still says that she loves me and, while I don’t think that I can say the same (at this point, at least) I do really care for her and the relationship was great – much better, in a lot of ways, than my relationship with C ever was.

I know that I’ve not handled this well and if anyone has any advice – or just wants to bash me about the head – I’d be grateful for it.

[pegasus]

Hello!

Sounds to me like you have not really found the right person just yet. Getting back with E because she's slightly better than C but not really loving her either. Do you see what I mean? Putting it bluntly, you've tried them both already, time to move on.

[sunrise]

Perhaps try to make the decision who to be with independently of who is waiting in the wings? Do you want to be with C or not? Make that decision without considering that E wants to be with you. Choose on an absolute scale rather than a relative one. If you decide not to see C anymore, then move on to the next decision: get back with E again or not? If you are looking for a long term relationship, then it sounds like E is not the one--you just don't feel that serious about her. If you are not looking for a long term relationship, be frank with E. Tell her you enjoy your company but it will not go further. Then see if she still wants to be with you, given the limitation of your feelings for her. Be prepared that she may drop you.

Good luck.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Sounds to me as thought you hooked up with C because she is safe, and doesn't want a serious relationship.

But please don't go back to E just because you think she is better than C. As Peg said thats not a reason to to try her again, you will only hurt her.

If however you feel that you do care for her then speak to her about it, be truthful and open with her. And don't see C again.

[Leed]

Hi - I don't think that either one of these women are right for you. You broke up with C once. You must have had a good reason = why go back with her now only to break up with her again.

Also, E just doesn't wind your clock - you don't love her so why break her heart? She says she already loves you and you're gonna just hurt her again by going back to her. That's not nice. Get rid of them both, and look for someone that REALLY does it for you. There's someone out there - you've just gotta look.

Best of luck and God bless. Keep us posted. Hugs, Lee