I am incredibly insecure to the point that it's causing me serious issues in my life right now.

Here's a few examples:

I can't find a job because I am insecure about my lack of work experience since I find being 25 years old and having no provable experience shameful. While me not having experience and references does pose a serious problem for me, I feel like my difficulties are only increased by my insecurities. Employment is perhaps the one area of my life that I am hurting at the most because I am struggling to even get by since I am reliant on donating plasma for a measly $300 a month combined with a housing grant that expires in 7 months paying the majority of my living expenses. I am at the point where I am planning on spending more of my plasma money on an eBook that teaches you how to professionally lie on a resume and even make fake references or design fake college transcripts from any university just to hide my insecurities and get a free ride. After all, why have people see that you're a 25 year old loser who has done nothing with his life when they can instead see the most ideal potential employee with a perfect track record that most employers would go out of their way to try to hire?

I have trouble keeping friendships because of my insecurities. All I do is push people away especially if they find out just how pathetic I am. After all, I am 25 years old with no job, no car, and even no driver's license. I have nothing to offer anybody. I often choose loneliness over having people see my weaknesses. The only friends that I have anymore are online, yet, I even push them away. I would rather spend my time playing online games that I am actually good at where people shower me with compliments and need me on their team than focus on my real life relationships where people see just how empty and insecure I really am. All I do anymore is play games or watch anime for 10-14 hours a day on average on any day that I don't have one of those annoying adult responsibilities that I hate come up just to avoid reality. Why change when it's easier to hide?

In fact, back when I used Facebook, I used to lie about so many things about my life. I used to put up a front about how I was this brilliant aspiring small business owner who made all this money and this technology genius and I would even talk about how I get laid by so many women and I would have random females fawn over me and want me and I had a lot of online friends that I grew close to. I only stopped using Facebook because my lies eventually caught up with me.

I've also been known to envy people who have it better than me. If I see somebody that has something that I want be it a child with loving parents, somebody with a nice car and money, or a happy looking attractive couple, I writhe with anger and resentment. Heck, during valentines day, I almost got kicked out of Walmart for lashing out at an attractive female employee who was trying to sell me some stupid dish TV service. I envy attractive women and often wish I was one myself instead of a dude because at least then people would care about me and want to help me.

Still though, I never learn and I want to change but it's just so damn difficult. Why should I be the one who is punished with all of these issues when it isn't my fault that I am like this?

I hate life.

[Travelinglady]

Hi, Darknessismyfriend. The best way I've found to deal with such issues is therapy. If you have tried it and quit, then I suggest you try again with another therapist. As you see, your insecurity is affecting all aspects of your life. Some therapists will take small payments (a sliding scale).

[PapoPez22]

First of all, it sounds like you need professional help to guide you through this.

But also, believe me, 25 years is still very young. While there are lots of people who have their lives figured out by then, there are even more people who still don’t know what they want in their 20s. I finished my bachelors at 23 and spent 2 years working at retail because I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life and had lots of insecurities. But you should know that employers are more forgiving when you’re young and still learning.

Instead of spending money on learning how to lie, spend time on learning how to sell yourself. Sometimes employers are fascinated by someone who has a good attitude and wants to build their way up, than someone who has lots of experience and thinks they know everything. Also, try jobs that require no experience just so you get your foot outside: just by going out and being productive, you will feel better about yourself.

Take time to know yourself. Try www.16personalities.com to learn more about your strengths and weaknesses. That way, you will know how to make the best out of them.

Have you thought about going back to school? I changed careers and went back to school when I was 29… it is never too late! Don’t be afraid of starting fresh by doing something that you really like. If you love gaming so much, find out more about careers that you can seek in that area. Lately, I’ve been seeking information on how to be an autodidact. I “stole” a curriculum of a degree I would have liked to have, and jotted down all the course descriptions I liked the most just so I can google them myself and learn more about them. You can do that too, and you don’t have to spend a dime.

I feel like therapy and being productive will be two things that will help you feel better about yourself, and will eventually help you with everything else. It will require some patience, but you’ll get there.

I can't afford therapy or I would give it another go. I had a grant last year pay for me 8 sessions with a licensed therapist but it did me little good. All I can really get now is a student therapist which I tried 2 of them and neither of them seemed qualified to help me.

I want to go back to school but I am behind in my general education and can't pass the SAT yet. I made another thread about this in the school and study issues subforum. I'm trying to motivate myself to learn and catch up since high school was utterly useless for me but it's difficult for me to do so every day and I have to go to the library to force myself to learn and not play video games. I am actively working towards this but it is something I likely won't be able to do until the fall semester and I need an income to last me until then.

I have taken plenty of time to learn myself and I am an INTJ, but it does me little good when I am an uber introvert who struggles in social settings due to social anxiety and poor social skills. I find that I am great with technology and anything requiring strategy or strong critical thinking skills, but weak when it comes to people.

I eventually want to be a freelancer or run my own online business either doing some form of selling or reselling products or internet marketing. If I go back to school, I will likely seek a degree in web development as a starting point which will also help me get a regular job should I still need one by then.

Still though, the one thing that bothers me is my age. Yes, 25 is still young but one is considered a full grown adult at around 25-26 years old, yet I don't consider myself an adult because I don't think I was given a fair chance in growing into one. When there are plenty of impressionable 18-20 year olds for companies to hire, how would it benefit them to deal with somebody like me?

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry about your struggles. Have you tried buying some self-help book or guides? Maybe that can help, at least a bit. Sending you hugs

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm sorry about your struggles. Have you tried buying some self-help book or guides? Maybe that can help, at least a bit. Sending you hugs

Can you recommend any? I never got as much into self help books as I should since I have lacked the motivation.

I don't have a lot of money to spend on books but I can try to find them in the library or torrent them if they have copies in eBook format.

[woe-be-gone]

I consider myself a very insecure person as well and this has caused a number of problems for me in all relationships or even social interactions. Until last week, I pretty much defined myself as "an insecure person" and I never really found that to be a bad thing. I actually thought that was me accepting the kind of person I am and just fighting through it. Just like you mentioned, I envied people throughout my life (beginning with my own little sister) and I wished I was anything but me. However, I've begun to realize how much of an impact a mere definition was making on every one of my social interactions. I realized I was very sensitive to criticism and so got very defensive in discussions. I realized I had very low and sometimes absolutely no self-esteem which made me retract from positive relationships. I realized I constantly walked around thinking there was something wrong with me...some sort of fatal flaw that I could do nothing about and that made me feel absolutely alone and completely misunderstood. Worst of all, I realized I has a hatred for everyone around me because I was either jealous of them or wanted to have nothing to do with them.

But then...I read an article that put an interesting twist to Insecurity. It told me that I should consider insecurity a beautiful thing. That insecurity shows humility and an admission that everything is not just about you. It shows that you care what you give and add to others and the world around you. That really struck a chord for me. I wonder if it helps you?

Using this perspective on you insecurity about your job-hunt...you'll see that the reason you feel that you are lacking experience or aren't good enough to get a job you want is because you are worried that you can't give your best or you can't provide your employer with something substantial. That is amazingly selfless of you!! That is an amazing quality and definitely a strength that employers love! That is a quality that is key to holding together relationships! You already have the best quality that is required for surviving. Use it!

And so, the next thing you would do is create a list of your strengths (at least 10). And trust me, it's not easy...it might take days or weeks. You might even have to ask people to help you with it. I started last week and I still haven't finished my list. So don't worry about getting it finished...but just work on listing as many strengths as you can possibly think of even if you think it's completely insignificant. Because once you have that physical list in front of you, your inner critic cannot push you down with doubt. It's right there in front of you. And keep working on it...keep updating it...change it if you think you've changed...but keep reading it and feeling your strengths. The next time you apply for a job, keep it beside you. The next time you go for an interview, read it over and over.

Remember, you are not your insecurities. Your insecurities are just feelings...emotions...judgmental thoughts...opinions. It is nothing concrete. It isn't anything visible. And that's another thing to tell yourself, no one actually sees your insecurity. You feel it. And usually, everyone else is far too busy feeling their own insecurities to even see it on you. I have two friends who are extremely confident, proud and think they are at the top of the world...and yet, they have insecurities they fight every day. If they can do it, we can too!

[Happyhappyme1987]

Sounds like therapy would be a good place to start. Someone recently told me 'the only person who can change your life is you' and I've come to realise that this is so true. Be the person you envy, if not a better one! You don't have to fake who you are, you can have it all. You just need faith in yourself that you can do it. It's only you stopping yourself. That's why you envy people as much as you say you do. you know you can do better and the only person you are hurting is yourself. Cutting off social media is a good place to start too if it affects how you feel about yourself, remember that people only post the good stuff!!!! Youre just a bit lost and you need to find you again

[Happyhappyme1987]

The part about putting an interesting twist on insecurity really inspired me! That's an amazing way to look at it!

Myself as being selfless? Who would have thought?

Thanks for the advice woe-be-gone. I have never thought of insecurities like that before. You are certainly the MVP of this thread

Now, if I could just get a stable income, I would be a lot happier. Donating plasma 2 days a week every week for the past several months worries me especially since I can't afford to see a doctor so if I start to have any health complications that prevent me from donating, I am royally screwed since I rely on this money to buy food and pay my phone bill which I need to find a job.

Maybe I am just reacting out of fear? I've never been completely on my own so that alone terrifies me. That fear is only increased by not having a lot of money which makes taking care of myself or covering for any emergencies or extra expenses that much more uncertain.

Who knows?

[woe-be-gone]

Trust me, you're not alone! I know exactly how scary it is for life to seem so uncertain!

I'm coming to the realization that my current job is one that I took on to please my parents and now that I have decided to stand up for myself, I'm planning to change careers. The part where it gets really tricky is...I live in a country where I am not a citizen. So if I lose this job, I have to leave the country and that would leave me homeless...not in the sense that there won't be a roof over my head but in the sense that I won't have a country to live in. I don't really have much in savings so I can't really afford to be a full-time student (I have to go back to uni to change careers); not that I would be able to apply for an appropriate visa to even make that happen.

The anxiety I feel over this is intense and my insecurities get worse; but I've begun to tell myself that I just have to go through a little more discomfort to finally get what I will truly enjoy.

Things may not look so great right now; but as long as you help yourself and keep that positive thinking going you'll be in a better place to enjoy your life once this bump in the road has passed. You can do it! <3

[Puella Non-Grata]

... But if you find out how to fake college docs to get "a free ride", hit me up! XD

[woe-be-gone]

Originally Posted by Puella Non-Grata

... But if you find out how to fake college docs to get "a free ride", hit me up! XD

Lol unfortunately I actually really love learning and I'm trying to work towards a doctorate once I do manage to get myself to university!

Originally Posted by Puella Non-Grata

... But if you find out how to fake college docs to get "a free ride", hit me up! XD

Haha will do :P

Tell ya what, I am still going to purchase that eBook that I mentioned that claims to teach all that stuff not so much to lie, but to figure out ways to cunningly improve my resume as well as to expand and highlight my strengths.

When I do, I will send you a copy

For the record, I like learning as well, but learning new skills that one can make a decent income with takes time, thus one has to get by somehow while one gains said knowledge, yes?

[Ohxpoorxme]

I don't have any advice but I can definitely relate. And I know how you feel, it sucks.

[Sunflower123]

I'm an ISTJ so we share some personality traits. One skill you have is that you are articulate. Another is that you are brave. I understand how you feel. I was an accomplished CPA before my illness hit and haven't worked in 13 years. I'll be in the same boat you're in if I'm ever well enough to work. I still haven't figured out how I'll explain the gap in employment and my lack of references. You're not alone. I believe in you and I seriously doubt you are a loser. The insecurity part I have in spades. Still looking for an answer to that. Best wishes.

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I'm an ISTJ so we share some personality traits. One skill you have is that you are articulate. Another is that you are brave. I understand how you feel. I was an accomplished CPA before my illness hit and haven't worked in 13 years. I'll be in the same boat you're in if I'm ever well enough to work. I still haven't figured out how I'll explain the gap in employment and my lack of references. You're not alone. I believe in you and I seriously doubt you are a loser. The insecurity part I have in spades. Still looking for an answer to that. Best wishes.

Thanks for seeing some strengths in me

I think I found out today that perhaps one of the biggest things holding me back is a lack of confidence particularly when it comes to dealing with strangers or trying new things. I'm finding that I am very charismatic when I'm around a person or people that I feel comfortable around but not so much when I'm not.

I met with my case manager today, who is a guy that I've known 2 years and am comfortable around and practically see as a friend. Anyways, I tried to negotiate with him regarding being a job reference for me. I've been complaining about references non stop for the past several weeks because it's one of the things holding me back from getting a regular job and his answer was a flat out no for awhile because of a combination of company policies and ethics. I might have turned a "no" into a "maybe" because he was impressed with my negotiation skills.

I basically suggested that we say that he's my career coach and I brought up the fact that it wouldn't technically be a lie because he does help me with career related things, only career things isn't the ONLY thing he does and when he stated that he doesn't think it is ethical because he has never worked with me professionally, I told him that he has worked with me regarding a lot of "professional" things such as helping me manage money, find employment and volunteer work, and he has listened to a lot of my business ideas, philosophical views on life, moral codes, ect. which, due to how much of this stuff we worked on together, it would be similar to us working together professionally.

He seemed astounded and he commended me on my negotiation skills and even compared me to a professional salesman and he said about my proposal that he would talk to his manager and I would have to sign a release form but he might be able to agree.

Now, if I can figure out how to get over my insecurities and confidence issues when around strangers, I could harness this skill of mine and go far with it.

If nothing else, between my new volunteer position at the library, DRS, and my case manager, I should have no shortage of high quality references in the upcoming weeks

I posted a response on your school forum thread with some ideas.