[Abbylynn123]

I am in need of some advice from others you live with someone or suffer from a high level of anxiety and ADHD. So you understand I am going to give you some background information about my current situation. I am a 36 yr old female that has been with my s/o for almost 6 years. He is 36 and we share a beautiful 4 yr. old son. When we met it was via the internet, but when we met for the first time we actually knew each other. Since internet dating was not my thing I was quite suprised that I had met someone so fast. At the time that I met him I was also going through some pretty tramatic things in my life. I had just lost my job, was forced to move in with my sister and had just ended a 5 yr relationship with my on again/off again boyfriend. So, here comes the knight to sweep me off my feet. He basically rescued me... contantly giving flowers... giving me cards... writing poems... taking me out for dinners.... and a wonderful listener. I think at the time I was drawn in, because I didn't have that with my previous boyfriend and I was down about all that was going on with my life. With in the first couple of months of dating he bought a house that I helped him pick out (I have real estate experience). Little did I know that my sister and I would have a huge falling out and she would kick me out. I had no where to go and very little money. So, being the knight that he was he asked if I would like to move in with him. I said yes, because the next choice was the Salvation Army or my car. I moved in and helped decorate and fix his house up. Our relaionship kept progressing and it seemed great. Although I have to say that the flowers..cards.. constant compliments started getting to be over kill. It was like living a content romance novel...which if you knew me, I am a reality person. I approached the subject litely, but told him that it was starting to get a little creepy. Nice, but alittle much. Back off and give me a little breathing room. I am a independant woman which is now suddenly having to depend on someone. It was all so much. That summer something happened that should have sent red flags, but instead I forgave him. He saw me talking to my ex at a gas station (not planned) after he followed me. (He said that he was going golfing). He then came home and started throwing my clothes and what not out into the backyard. I walked in as he was just starting. I managed to stop him, but not before he flew into a meltdown. He then left for work. When he got there he called the police and told them that I beat the **** out of him. Needless to say they came to the house and arrested me. I was humiliated!!!!! I had to get bailed out of jail by friends and then stay at their house. By the next day he was getting in contact to say that he was sorry and that he would fix it. Which he couldn't because it becomes a case which is held by the state. He wrote a letter to the DA saying he lied and we even had to talk to the Womens shelter so the legal advocate could help. In the end I had to take a diversion and it was reduced to a Disordly Conduct. I forgave him and moved on.

The following summer we found out I was pregnant. Again something that neither of us planned on. A great addition, but one that would forever change our lives. Yet in his mind it was really only to change my life not his. During this time I had been looking for a job, but stopped once I found out I was prego. It was plain and simply stated that I was going to stay at home with our son. The money would be a little tight, but nothing that we couldn't handle. He makes good money, so it would be ok. Once our son arrived it seemed everything went to hell!! I went through about a 6-9 month stint with postpartum depression. He would do the night feedings since I was sooooo tired that I couldn't event contimplate the thought. He claims it was during my pregnancy and after that I became mean to him. Just so you understand I had a horrible pregnancy. I was sick 6 out of 9 months. So, with out a doubt I was not a great person to be around. Once the baby came I loved him and wouldn't trade him for nothing. Yet I could see the toll that it was taking on our relationship. I am a very free spirit person. He is a person that is selfish and doesn't what he wants when and if he wants to. So, having a child proved to be horribly challenging for two people that were this way. At the end of the day I loved my son and knew that he was number 1. My day was over and to a degree tha was ok.

Within the last 4 years our relationship has been filled with alot of drama... meltdowns...attitude and downright anger. He has admitted that he suffers from ADHD. Something that he has never been treated for, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see he has. He can't finish a task no matter how great or how small. Quite frankly he is lazy.... he works hard at his job only because it gives him what he loves.... money!! You can ask him a thousand times to do something and he will find a million reasons not to. So, it falls on me. Our once lovely home is still lovely, but could stand certain things fixed or done, but it doesn't. He would rather watch a sporting event or sit on the computer(on sports message boards or facebook). In addition to ADHD he suffers from an abnormal high level of anxiety, which leads to depression. He takes meds for the depression and ust to do talk therapy, but he would skip appts so he has now quit. The meds I think have made things worse instead of better. He is angery and bitter all time. He has meltdowns on a daily basis and I have started to call them tantrums. Everything is ALWAYS my fault or our sons and even friends or other family. NOTHING is ever him.

Over the last 3 years sex has become about a once a month thing. To me it is something that I have to get through. Quite frankly I could care a less if I ever have sex again!!! I guess I have a bigger fish to fry. I have a home that needs my constant attention... a child that needs me... budgeting money to pay for our life... back problems... dogs... and HIS never ending meltdowns and obession over the sex that he doesn't get. I have told him several times that I will not have sex with a man that calls me names or blames me for HIS issues. He also looks at sex as a reward. He thinks that if he takes out the trash or does dishes he should get layed or something. He contantly feels he should be bowed down to. NOT!!! I refuse to be his mother by day and his slut by night. I have way to much self worth!!!

He has had a turbulent relationship with his parents ever since I have known him. He can't forgive them for the lousy childhood he had. Although he didn't have that bad of a one from what I have understood. Now his parents bail him out of financial troubles or buy him a boat or other things. In their own way they are trying to make up for their mistakes.

I am to the point where I am done trying to make it work. I love my son and I do love him, but I can't deal with the anger... meltdowns... and temper. I really don't know how to fix this. It seems to me like I am living a Lifetime movie.

Can anyone give me advice or support on how to move forward????

[Leed]

Hi - I don't see any "fixing" to this if he doesn't want therapy or counseling. You're not going to move forward with HIM. In order for you to 'go' anywhere, you're going to have to get rid of this guy. He is NOT a good role model for your child, and in fact, he's a danger to you both. One of these times, this temper of his is going to prove physical and he's going to hit you or the child. You need to get out before it's too late.

He's a walking time bomb. He WILL hit you sooner or later. It's only a matter of time. And if he refuses counseling, you have no other choice in order to keep your child safe, as well as yourself.

Get out of there! Find somewhere to go - anywhere, but get out. And don't let him know where you're going. Leave when he's at work. Best of luck and God bless. Hugs, Lee